Is anyone up for a chat?

Doolhof · ‎27-07-2015

Hi Everyone,

Sometimes it is great to have a place where you can just have a chat about something not related to your mental health. So here is the opportunity to have a general chat about anything and to maybe find a "friend" to help make the day feel brighter.

Occasionally I connect with people on the forums and a lovely friendship develops, but it may seem to others that they are not welcome to join in the conversation. This is not the case.

So here is an opportunity for new friendships to happen.

Maybe you would like to share your favourite holiday destination, or place you would love to visit. If you could have any animal as a pet what would it be? What is your favourite flavoured ice cream?

For me right now I would love to be somewhere warm! We have been experiencing some rather cold weather where even the chooks water is freezing over during the night! Somewhere with a beach and warm sea to swim in would be lovely!

My favourite ice cream flavour would be Jaffa in one of those crunchy cones! I would love to be eating one down at that tropical beach paradise followed by a lovely fresh coconut and maybe a beach massage as well.

I will be dreaming about this as I drive around today for work listening to Meatloaf. Maybe I should be listening to The Beach Boys instead, but I don't think I have any of their music on CD.

Hope you all have a great day,

Cheers from Mrs. Dools

BKYTH · ‎18-09-2015

I'm listening to some 'Fado' music at the moment. Fado is the Portuguese word for fate or destiny and it has a somewhat melancholic flavour to it but, I think, the same can be said of life. I have spent the day transferring seedlings into pots. In selecting the strongest ones for the process and discarding the weaker ones I am reminded of how it is that some living things are better equipped to the task of life than others. Most of the music I listen to is in a language I can't speak (in this case Portuguese) and so I am obliged to provide my own words, or rather feelings, to what I am experiencing. Of the two I prefer the latter as feelings always precede our thoughts, our words. Feelings are in the moment while words express what was, even if it just was, they speak of the past - They are reflections on 'what was' and are but ripples left when the moment has passed. In my practice of Mindfulness whatever is in the moment is all there is. There can be no right or wrong to it, no good or bad present in its nature. When sadness arises there is sadness. When indifference then indifference. If there is no struggle to escape whatever arises then whatever it is that presents itself cannot effect our peace. Only our protest against and aversion to the experience can do that. Paradoxically suffering can only get worse by our resisting it. Would we resist our happiness? Or that which gives us pleasure? If that is all that you will accept from life then when suffering arises you will suffer from your resistance to it as much as that which is the cause of that suffering. Philip.

White_Rose · ‎18-09-2015

Hello Philip

I do agree with you about resisting sadness or any painful emotion. Letting it wash over you rather than trying to block it in some way is actually easier. It certainly uses less energy than a fight. Having said that, of course I recognise it's not easy. I guess it's part of the fight or flight reaction. As you say, accepting the good stuff is almost automatic, no need to decide what we want to do with it.

And music evokes so much emotion. I really like listening to all sorts of music. Choice tends to depend on my mood at the time but can also change my mood.

Going back to fight or flight, if there is no struggle how did mankind grow to such knowledge. Without struggle do we have anything of value? I'm not talking about this world's goods but of our inner selves. If we don't struggle to find meaning and to grow will we always be stuck in the grip of our emotions? It is from our desire to know that we have reached where we are. Bit of a catch 22.

Mary

Doolhof · ‎20-09-2015

Hello everyone,

Music is wonderful therapy. So is dancing for me, not that I am very good at it! Ha. Ha. A few years ago I joined a wonderful group where we were taught traditional dances from around the world. Some of the music was haunting, some very joyful, and other tunes were very rhythmic. If there were words accompanying the music, most were not in English.

I attended this group while I was recovering from Chronic Fatigue which scrambled my brain. While everyone else was going left, I was going right and bumping into people. While the ladies were going forward, I would quite often decide to go back wards.

The teacher tried to show me 8 repetitive steps for once dance thinking I might be able to get the hang of that, but my mind and body had other ideas. After step three I totally forgot what I was to do next!

In the end the group accepted that I was just going to dance to my own beat when my brain was scrambled. We all had a lot of laughs, I was laughing the most! I do miss those very special afternoons!

BKYTH · ‎20-09-2015

No I was not referring to resisting difficult emotions. In the world of Psychology were often hear emotions being characterized as being "positive' or 'negative'. And while such distinctions can have their place in enabling people at times to seek some clarity in what they are experiencing such a dichotomy can intrude more broadly into the 'human condition' and create problems. When I experience difficult emotions it would seem to me to that to attempt to fight them or flee from them is not possible. The 'fight or flight' response is a response that is not appropriate to the situation. That response is more designed to deal with a different kind of situation such as a life threatening one. In such a situation if one chooses to fight, or that is the only option, then physiological changes occur within the body to best enable it to respond to the threat. Blood is diverted to where it is most needed such as the muscles where it can serve a more useful service and less is directed to those areas of the body where it is less needed in dealing with what one has to confront. If you have an experience of profound despair then the 'fight or flight' response will not occur because the body will not be making the necessary adjustments to best meet the perceived threat. Of course, that response can occur even if one is not confronted with an actual threat but the mind perceives a situation as such. This can occur with Agoraphobia where there is no actual threat to ones life but the mind perceives a situation, which most people would think nothing of, as being dangerous and threatening based on past experiences of such situations as the response would occur. In my understanding of mindfulness, a term which I think is largely misunderstood, and used in a rather a blase fashion even by those use it as a method in their professional work. The real value of it resides in examining the nature of whatever is experienced. In this case "profound despair'. There is no judgement made about the feeling and therefore there is no resistance to it. I'm running out of words so I must conclude this. Whatever you run from or attempt to avoid is within you so you must fail. Wherever you go it will be waiting . Philip.

Mangof · ‎24-09-2015

Good morning everyone so great that this thread has been refreshed!

I too have missed the conversations 🙂

Spring warmer weather, newly budding trees filling with bird life ,a hint of warmer days in the garden brings a smile doesn't it.

The days are moving along as they do new ideas for what to plant in the verge garden and flowers popping up all over, spring bulbs sprouting bringing anticipation of colour and shapes. One of my favourite seasons. I recently for the first time got to hold a newly hatched chick, so tiny, uncertain and beautiful it mesmerised me watching it as it found its feet and in no time was heading towards the food and water. Made me think of myself and how I had somewhat forgotten the importance of doing what comes Naturally in my life, no self help books or laws or rules just being who I am and being comfortable in growing naturally.

The days when the clouds part for a time is when we need to make the most of this ,very healing to just be.

sending warm spring wishes to you all

stay happy

Mangof 🙂

Doolhof · ‎26-09-2015

Hi Mangof and everyone else reading,

I am really noticing SPRING this year. It is astounding how life is regenerated and the season is full of renewal and promise of brighter things to come. Nature certainly puts on a spectacular display.

Recently I was taking one of my clients to the shops. I chose a different street to travel along so she could view the gardens. One the way home we took a different route again. Just a couple of extra minutes travel time, and it made all the difference to this lady whom I know loves gardens and plants.

This morning I stood for a while and observed the cat watching the female canary gather bits in her cage for nest making. I try putting in a variety of things she may be able to use. She didn't like the feathers I bought from the craft shop, she has tried to toss those out of the cage!

I also enjoy watching the birds in the bird bath outside of the kitchen window. I like to let the chooks out when I am gardening. One in particular hangs around where I am digging to see what goodies I uncover for her. Just observing our 4 chooks is interesting to see how they interact and behave.

It is amazing how birds and animals know so instinctively what they need to do to survive. Somewhere in all the business we create each day, we seem to miss out on so much!

Cheers all from Mrs. Dools

BKYTH · ‎04-10-2015

G'day one and all. Spring is busily attending to some of the needs of my emerging seedlings so I must be patient and allow it to tend to its business. Do any of you use philosophical or spiritual means in dealing with your psychological issues? Medication does what it can and therapists are not really equipped to deal with much that ails the human spirit. Feelings of depression or despair are not necessarily psychological conditions which need to be treated as though they were. Sometimes depression is a natural response to circumstances that any of us can find ourselves in at any moment. Suffering is intrinsically a part of the human condition. The Buddha stated that "life is suffering". And that is not to be understood as meaning that he was saying that there is nothing but suffering. While such a statement seems self evident and obvious we resist suffering, we have an aversion to it, and as such, its expression needs to be reflected upon - Why did the Buddha state such an obvious thing? What did he observe in the world that made him feel that such a statement need be made? I would offer forth at least two reasons as to what he was actually saying based on my understanding of his teachings. Firstly he witnessed the aversion to suffering that I alluded to earlier and realized that that aversion resulted in people actually suffering more because of it and secondly he saw that suffering was inescapable. That we are compelled to deal with it. The Buddha is not a god. Nor is he the prophet of a god. He was just a man whose name was Siddhartha Gautama. The word buddha is a sanskrit word meaning 'enlightened'(sanskrit is an ancient indian language). He was, to all effect, an agnostic but the truth is more complex than that but that is another subject and not relevant here. He proclaimed one basic tenet upon which all the rest of his teachings are based, and that is, "I teach suffering and the cessation (ending) of suffering". A rather bold assertion indeed. I am running out of words and must finish now. Philip.

White_Rose · ‎05-10-2015

Hello Philip

Enjoyed your post. I believe we need our spirituality to get us through life in the most profitable way to ourselves. It's not a selfish or self-centred profit. It's about doing the best we can using our innate spiritual gifts and instincts to guide us. I meditate using Christian Meditation and also some mindfulness, though not much of this. I also read philosophy and spiritual books. Without my beliefs I would be indeed lost.

Meditation keeps me in touch with myself, with my inner God, keeping me grounded for much of the time. I also fall over, so to speak, and end up in a ditch which hard to climb out of. But as many of us say, we do get up again. Without my faith I think I would stay there without the strength to act positively.

Much of the meditation teaching and mindfulness is akin to the Buddha's teaching and walk hand in hand. The statement you give is indeed bold and I agree that the more we fight it, deny it and complain, the worse it gets. We learn love and compassion during our various journeys mostly because of our life experiences.

Can't write more at the moment but would love to pursue this.

Mary

BKYTH · ‎05-10-2015

It seems to me that what the Buddha intended in meditation,especially insight meditation, was to develop the ability to see and then to accept conditions for what they are. There are many Buddhist meditation methods each designed for a different purpose. Insight meditation focuses on penetrating the inherent reality of life, or rather, its conditions. The first of these is impermanence and the suffering that that involves. There are others but as many people have a belief in God I will not say anything on these. Intellectually impermanence is a simple concept to grasp but that is of no use to us when its affects our lives particularly in a very painful way. I have spent much time on the subject as it is so central to our existences - The practical outcome of this, to give an example, is that I do not assume that I will finish this post because to do so is to assume that I will continue to be alive to do so or will continue to be in a state where I am capable of finishing it - That is something that we generally take for granted and never consider that that may not be the case. Such an attitude may seem somewhat odd or very uncomfortable but in these considerations is the acceptance of impermanence. To intellectually accept impermanence but to live as though the next moment will occur as we have planned is to act in way inconsistent with with that acceptance and to effectively deny it. Its requires a rigorous examination of impermanence and its actual reality within our lives before we not only agree with the idea of it but live with the understanding and implications of what it means from moment to moment. When the Buddha stated that "I teach suffering and the cessation of suffering" he was not proclaiming that he could end other peoples suffering because he was not a God or have any supernatural capacities which could allow him to do so. What he meant was that he had achieved an end of suffering for himself by rigorously meditating on suffering and its causes and, if you were to do the same, you could achieve that yourself and, to that end, he offered a way. Philip.

pipsy · ‎16-10-2015

Hi Lauren. Pip here. Feel a bit of a fool, but have learned from the mistake. A few days ago someone from the U.S.A (don't ask me how) contacted me on fb with compliments about how beautiful I looked. Never had this before, so took a few days to reflect then (stupidly) replied. So began 2 days of endless, empty compliments about how he admired me, thought I was the most gorgeous woman he'd ever seen. He reckoned he was divorced with a son who he adored. There was even a whole fb issue about how he was a retired part time manager of a huge mechanical company. Anyway, then came the 'bite'. How did I live, did I own my home outright, was it mortgaged etc. I told him I had no money, was living on a pension in a tiny house in a village. Next morning, all contact was blocked. Obviously a load of rubbish. As I said, never been 'scammed' like that before, laughing about it now, but the moral of the story is, ignore everyone you don't know who contacts you via fb. Can't believe there are people who fall for this type of thing. I've heard stories about it but never had it happen to me. The way it was done was so professional. I was angry with myself, but over it now. Just thought I'd share so others can be made aware. Hope this story is posted.

Thanks for letting me 'vent'. Pip. xx