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Have you ever felt this way?

Community Member

"Well, oh well I feel I'm in decay"

The first line of a popular Midnight Oil song and I think a description most apt, for some people experiencing depression.

Have you ever felt this way?

One of the biggest dilemmas I've faced in "depressive-illness land" is the one of being alone and having no viable means of changing that fact...let me explain...

My depression causes me to be apart. I feel different from others. I find it very hard to mix with people who are "alive and well". So, I remain alone bundled up in a safe but miserable cocoon.

Have you ever felt this way?

I know what I need. I can feel the loneliness, an ache inside. In my mind's eye I see a ghostly parade of familiar faces, old friends, all gone now. Still, I need people, people to talk to, to communicate with, maybe God permit, a laugh!

Have you ever felt this way?

But I can't escape what I'm in, so I must wait for it to pass...weeks...months...years.

I'm reminded of a quote by Charles Bukowski regarding his drinking/literary lifestyle. I think it fits depression too.

"And as my hands drop a last desperate pen, in some cheap room, they will find me there and never know my name, my meaning nor the treasure of my escape".

165 Replies 165


Not sure what happened in cyberland - only the first line came through on your post.

Long day - but hanging in there


Hi vicman,

Thanks very much for your great reply. I could identify a lot with what you said. I too tend to be a loner and I think it comes from my father who isolated himself as well. It's a bit strange as I quite like people but still, old habits die hard I guess.

I don't like pubs and clubs much anymore either. I can't really drink, due to my medication, which is probably a blessing in disguise. That's a fine idea, supermarkets are a good place to mix with people. Same as cafes. I really like the beach too but don't get there too often theses days. I used to love bodysurfing when younger.

Thanks for your other suggestions, i.e. to join a photography group etc, it makes good sense. I have made friends here at Beyond Blue which has been terrific! but one needs, if possible, some "in the flesh" friends too.

My real problem all along has been this depression which has affected me to the extent that I couldn't mix with many people until it subsided. It is doing so now, so I can be more open and friendly with others.

Thanks again for sharing and for your advice, much appreciated.


Hi Indra,

How are you, mon ami? Good I hope! And the boys, how are they? I've been thinking about you guys (and your situation) a lot over the weekend so please don't think of yourselves as being alone!

Sorry I couldn't send you better replies but I was using my phone which finally spat the dummy and sent that one line post! Now, at home, I have the luxury of my computer. So, if you don't mind me asking, what have you been up to? Feel free to talk as little or as much as you like.

I had a good weekend away. Nothing startling just took it easy. Went for a drive in the country, went for a few walks and ate out once or twice. I watched a lot of rugby league on the telly and my team won convincingly. Yay! Now, I'm back at my place and ready for a session on the BB forums Ha ha! The friend, that I stayed with, said to send you a big hug and wish you all her best.

Plenty of good food and sleep is most important, as you are well aware, so I do hope you are getting enough of them. Do you have a busy week planned?

Well that's about all I can think of to write, right now. Please take care and look after yourself. I know you will. There are lots of people who care about you and the boys. Looking forward to your next, great post. YANA! (you are not alone!).

All the best (Cyberhug!)



Mein Freund - thank you for thinking us. I have gotten some sleep and eaten a little - I had to give in to my body there.

All good - I appreciated that you still checked in even though you were on  your weekend away. Lil' man is still confused -that part breaks my heart. I feel like I have failed him and his brother, but I am there for them and as long as they have a constant in their lives we will get there.

Tomorrow he is collecting his stuff, but I am making sure that I am not here (stuff is outside), I couldn't handle it at this point and don't want it to come to a confrontation.

I never get to use my laptop - little one always hijacks that - so phone it is. That's why I apologize for typos - auto correct and little keys.

I'm happy that you enjoyed your time away. Even simple driving trips and doing not much can be just as enjoyable as a whirlwind voyage. Your rugby league team winning is just the icing on the cake!

Many thanks to your friend for the hug and best wishes - please pass this on to her xo

The week ahead is busy for which I am glad. Sorting out some of this mess, and the usual school and kindy run. Also have the mental health nurse visit for my baby - hopefully this can help him some more.

Thanks TMB - at least on BB I am not alone. It is dawning on me now that I am going to be alone for along time out here - I think that is just a reality I have to learn to deal with.

Cyber hug back at you 🙅🙅


Hi Mz,

Very happy to hear from you again. I've been away 2-3 days in a small town up near the countryside. Didn't do a lot, went for walks and drives, ate out a bit and relaxed watching the footy.

You sound like you are going really well. That's great! But as you say, it is tempting to drift back into solitude and inertia. However, I think your self-awareness, here, is very powerful and might keep you from slipping back,

Your partner has already noticed a positive change in you and you have gotten solid support from your son's partner. This sounds excellent. This reinforcement, I think, will help you to improve. Added to your intelligence and new found motivation there'll be no stopping you! Wonderful too that you may get work soon.

I think you'll really appreciate the self-esteem book if you decide to get it. It teaches you how to protect and handle attacks to your self-esteem either by yourself or from others. You build up an arsenal of defensive manoeuvres to keep your self-esteem high and healthy. I'm raving a bit, sorry lol. Anyway, I won't mention the book again so rest easy lol.

Well great to hear from you again. Good luck with the job. Oh, and one last thing that I'd like to share with you, which helps me a good deal, is to live in the present moment. As much as possible and to enjoy it. Not always achievable but a good guide for everyone, I think.

Looking forward to your reply and hearing about your tatt.

All the Best


P.S. Great to see your daughter is getting good help.

Hey Indra,

Mon ami, so glad you are eating and sleeping a bit more. Please keep it up!

Terrible to see your lil' man confused, it is heartbraking. But please don't blame yourself. As you say you are a constant, a valuable, worthy, beneficial constant in their lives.

You're sensible to avoid a potential conflict, I think.

So, you use a phone for posting, lol I couldn't!

I'm happy you are glad to be busy this coming week. Better than being idle eh? I hope the mental health nurse can help lil' man some more too.

You're not alone on Beyond Blue. And with your vibrant, compassionate personality, you are very likely to meet new friends out there. It just takes time.

I am going well, hope you are too.

Cyber hug to you



Well, I  had myself all prepared today only for him to be a no show! Round 2 tomorrow. There are plenty of things for my little one and I to do around the town. My older son came home this afternoon and even though he is limited verbally - it was like he knew that something was different. He hasn't been upset by it so far. (I just got grief from his father via the school grrrr)

I am trying not to be too negative - I had a down moment  this afternoon sitting at home by myself. I ended up taking a drive and parking by the water - with Rammstein on of course! Music certainly can be a mood changer.

I had some positive support in the strangest of places today - Centrelink and the bank. The lady at the bank gave me a few laughs - it was a nice change. I haven't laughed for awhile - 

Onward and upward is a phrase I use a bit - I think I should listen to myself sometime!

I am forever grateful for the support on here. The down moment was actually thinking about the lack of support from my family. They only live 45 mins away - but none of them have physically come to see me. To my parents I have always been the intellectual screw up - I remember my Dad actually saying to me "You are the intelligent one but you make poor choices". Nothing like a back handed compliment.

So I guess it is up to me to dig deep and try and do the best that I can - even when I feel that some hope is lost.

I am glad it this is not my old phone - it was very, very basic lol 

Oh and thank you I have never been called vibrant before ☺

Must go and psych myself up again and be prepared - they are both unsettled night time at the moment. 

Mein freund cyber hug back at you 🎭🆙


Hi Indra,

Good luck for Round 2, a no show eh? That would put me off a bit. I'd be wanting to get it over with. You too, I bet. That's great that you and lil' man can do many things around the town. Have you any favourites you like to do?

Grief from his father via the school...if it suits, would you like to tell more?

You're right, music can really change the way you think and feel. Ramnstein on the water sounds excellent!

I can understand that you haven't been too jolly of late. Don't worry, I'm sure you'll be laughing more soon, as time goes by. This might make you chuckle - the look on my psychiatrist's face when I first tried to explain my interest in Beyond Blue today. I ummed and aarghed, searching for an answer and he just looked at me quizzically. They are good at that! I laughed about it ...later on.

That's a shame your family isn't more supportive of you. You could certainly use some more support. Your father's comment, I reckon, is an opinion and doesn't take into account the efforts you have made in your life to do the best you can.

I think you will dig deep and things WILL improve. Hope springs eternal as they say.

Vibrant eh? How about rich? Rich in spirit!

Look after yourself, mon ami

cyber hug



Today was a day of mixed emotions - closure to something that will never really be closed. Things are gone and him too. I know in time I will realise that it's for the best, but it still stings. On a positive at least I can park my car back into the carport. 

There a few playgrounds and parks around the town, with a large one near the river, which miniman loves. He also likes shopping - which is an ulterior to try and collect more Ninja Turtles - I do cave in from time to time.

My first ex - the violent one - is always on the defence. The custody battle went for 3 long and nasty years and he is still trying to be controlling. The end result didn't go to how he had planned and he spent a lot of someone else's money in the process. He tries to domineer my son's disability principal and fortunately she doesn't take any of his crap. A plus for me, is that I get along famously with her!!

Oh to be a fly on the wall to have seen the look on your psychiatrist's face - you think they would have been more encouraging. It is a good thing that you were able to express that. 

It's a funny thought - I have read some of your other posts, I forget sometimes that this is a public forum. I feel like I am intruding on other people's conversations, then remember people read mine lol

The other positive thing that has happened a couple of friends have come out of the woodwork to see how I am - it was a nice gesture. My mother on the other hand, rang to check on me tonight, but said straight off the bat didnt want to hear any of my issues. She also bagged my sister (a shocker) so I knew she must have been in a bad mood.

Hope springs - I am waiting for the geiser! Might as well shoot for the stars.

I am trying to look after me mein freund,  I hope you are looking after yourself as well.

Later for now and cyber hug for you too

Indra 🌠🌟

Hi Indra,

Please excuse my flippancy but you got the car port!...Alright! And just how many Ninja turtles has lil' man got? (An important question for someone who's a bit jealous! lol)

You have certainly been in the wars mate. It must have been very traumatic going through 3 years of a custody battle! You are certainly not a stranger to adversity...And the way you get along with your son's disability principal is terrific. This would help things a lot, I imagine.

That's great you had a visit from some of your friends, that would have made you feel better. Did you do anything special with them? That's a shame your mum was in a negative frame of mind when she rang. Do you get on with her normally or is it mostly battle stations?

So, please tell me how are you going? How did you go today? Did you have a good one? How is the eating and sleeping going? Well, I hope. How are the boys? So many questions! (Don't feel you have to answer them! only if you feel up to replying)

I'm exactly the same as you with regard reading other people's posts. When I do it, if I know them, it feels a bit invasive of their privacy but forum rules say it's okay to do so and as you say others read yours. It's funny too, reading other people's (that you know) posts because it gives you more of an idea of the person they are, you're seeing them from another perspective, different from the one you have yourself. (Does that make sense?)

Hope springs....it might seem a bit dark at present but I'm sure things will pick up for you. You can't hold a great person down for too long!

Well mon ami I better go, trust all is going okay for you. Bon chance! with everything!

I am traveling okay.

cyber hug to you