Workplace change and depression/anxiety

[olly1]

Hi everyone,

I've posted here before - I suffer with MD and anxiety disorder and etc etc. I am also full time carer to my partner who has Mental Health issues as well.

I was after some outside opinion. I've currently transferred from my very comfortable job where I was under stimulated and bored to a more active job that is in a nicer area and closer to my family.

I am pretty high functioning, can use CBT and take medication to manage my anxiety and depression well. However, Since I've moved to this area I have grown increasingly disappointed with the outcome of the transition due to several factors. The major of these is a toxic co-worker. After 2 weeks in I'm incredibly disheartened. I've sunken into my depression, I'm highly anxious, given up everything I enjoy and am fighting hard to deal with my emotions again. I do not want to become suicidal again ( I've experienced this situation before so I know how badly I cope). I really feel I've made a terrible mistake. I was so comfortable.

My questions are. Do I continue to work in this environment? Do I push myself when I know ultimately I cannot expect this co-worker to change. Should I leave now and find other employment/work? ( This will not be a problem for me. I'm highly sort after). Do I want to put myself through a lot of stress and push myself?

I'm so sad at the moment I cannot trust what my mind tells me. What are others thoughts? Right now I want to leave and run away - but that sounds a lot like fight or flight talking to me.

[Starwolf]

Hi Olly,

This has been a major disappointment. Transitions are stressful at the best of times. This one is not working out the way you intended it to and there is a lot on your plate already.

You seem aware of telltale signs of a familiar downward spiral. It sounds like the cons of this move are outweighing the pros. On the other hand you say another job will not be difficult to find. So you have a safety net. Perhaps stalling the downwards skid would be reasonable. I can of course only see this situation from the outside but sharing an objective point of view can help bring valuable insight.

The all-important question here is one you are already asking yourself. Do you want to put yourself through extra stress when you are already dealing with more than your fair share ? Is it worth risking your mental/emotional well being ? Is the fight and flight reaction an alert to real danger or one of those unlikely scenarios the mind concocts to scare ourselves with ? Is the escalation of anxiety a warning that negative personal history could repeat itself ?

You know you can't rely on your co-worker to change. It is unlikely to happen. So a solution can only come from your side. When stuck for answers, writing down your feelings and concerns often helps clarify them to yourself.

No one else can tell you what to do. But I can tell you what I would do...I'd run for the hills because too much is at stake. Because sometimes retreat is the bravest, wisest decision.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi olly1

Thanks for your post.

This is a really interesting thread because I think a lot of people can be in your situation; there are certainly a number of things that can trigger us so learning how to deal with that is important. It sounds like you are really conscious of your depression and how it affects you so I think that's a strength.

I'm going to try and answer your questions as best I can -

Do I continue to work in this environment? Do I push myself when I know ultimately I cannot expect this co-worker to change.

It's up to you to make this decision about whether it's best to continue. Can you tell us more about why your co-worker is 'toxic'? What sorts of things does he/she do or say? Maybe there is some kind of middle ground like talking to them/moving desks/modifying work responsibilities/speaking to HR or your manager/setting boundaries/speaking only when co-workers are around for moral support etc

Should I leave now and find other employment/work? ( This will not be a problem for me. I'm highly sort after). Do I want to put myself through a lot of stress and push myself?

The only concern that I have here is that toxic co-workers can be found anywhere.

There is also a possibility that in your next position you may not have toxic co-workers, but there might be other things that can trigger your depression; like excessive work load, or responsibilities and pressure from others, difficult clients/customers, etc. I think that it's probably impossible to avoid all of these and potentially try and work on how you can best manage the situation that you're in.

I'm also assuming that given you know CBT you would have seen a psychologist in the past; so the other suggestion I want to put forward is to see them again. They may be able to reinforce those skills that you've learned. So yes, this co-worker may have toxic behaviour, but why does this need to affect you? Is there a way where you can mentally 'put this aside'? Maybe this might be about separating the worker from their behaviour; so behind their behaviour might be a parent stressed with kids or someone struggling with money. Try and see if you can find the person behind it.