Starting to feel depressed again

[nootnoot]

For the last 2 weeks I have started to feel depressed and anxious again. This is because I am having problems with my boyfriend. Things were going really well for us (or so I thought) up until I got back from my trip in Melbourne which was about 3 weeks ago. I wanted him to come over to mine so we could talk about how our relationship was going but he seemed down that day and felt like he was letting me down in our relationship so he decided to break up with me. Ever since then I have been trying to help him. I know he loves me but he is scared that continuing a relationship with me will get in the way of his music. I don't want to go into too much detail about it right now but basically I feel like my heart is breaking. Things were so good between us and I keep thinking about all our happy times together and how I wish it was still the same. I don't know what happened and it's hard to find the time to talk to him since he is often busy with work or his band. I haven't been eating much or at all the past 2 weeks and I have lost about 3 kilos. I will be starving but the smell or even taste of the food makes me want to be sick. I can barely sleep and need to take something so I can sleep and block out my loud thinking mind. I am mentally exhausted and want to sleep all the time but I can't sleep because of all the thinking I do. I also don't want to go back on medication again. I don't know what to do any more.

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[Neil_1]

Hi there Noot

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for providing your post.

You mentioned that when you got back from your trip, you wanted to get together to talk about your relationship?  So perhaps there were things that might not have been so good for you to want that kind of discussion – OR – I simply read your message a bit wrong.

So with your helping him of late, are you seeing him reasonably often?

He broke up with you, apparently due to his music being a problem for the two of you.   I’m guessing that you have stressed to him how much that this would not be a problem for you.  That’s something that should be really covered as soon as you can – cause if he loves you, and you tell him that his band and music aren’t a problem for you, then from an outsider’s point of view, it seems that there should be sunny skies ahead for you both.

If this is not a happening thing, then I think that you really do need to get back to your gp, just to discuss the aspects that you’ve raised in your post.

Would look forward to hearing from you again.

Neil

[nootnoot]

Hi Neil and thank you for responding to my post.

Well I've been wanting to talk to my boyfriend about things for a while and I would often try to get him to open up to me but he said he is a private person. I feel this has stopped us from forming a closer relationship with each other. We have never really talked about our issues or concerns.  My main issue, is that since he is so passionate about his music and band it doesn't leave him much time to see me. We do try and see each other as often as we can. Sometimes briefly and other times for longer. I guess I made it an issue because I have a lot of free time because I don't work very often and he has barely any time because of work and his band. And so because of me wanting to see him more this has made him scared. He feels that if he continues to see me and things get more serious, it will get in the way of his music plans. I in know way said I want to take up all his time and his band and music aren't a problem to me. I said I will support him and I will be there for him because I want him to succeed. 

I feel a lot better today. We have talked more about our problems and they seem to be going in the right direction again but I worry that if he starts to get scared again he will want to break up again. 

Talk soon

[Neil_1]

Hi there Noot

Great to hear back from you – and your latest response reveals quite a lot of positives for the two of you.  He sounds as though, yes, he is a private person, but when you’re in a relationship, it’s difficult to keep all things private, kind of thing.  I mean, that’s a bit what relationships are about – so then you can develop an interest (hopefully) in the passions and loves of the other person.

But from what you’ve said, it sounds very positive, just from an outsiders point of view and the communication aspect is a very good thing also.

I think all you can do is to keep up the reassurance that you are fine with his music and you are there for him and to help support him in whatever way you possibly can.  Oh, as long as you’re ‘ok’ to do that, of course.  🙂

Kind regards

Neil