Social Anxiety???

[Blondyroses]

I have been diagnosed with general anxiety disorder, PTSD, mild depression, mild OCD. I have had this all my life ( I am 54-female) but only diagnosed around 42. Psychiatrist at 53. I have been on medication since 42. I am happily and blissfully married to my soulmate for 18yrs. What I am finding now (in the past 7? Yrs), is that if I go out without my husband I have a panic attack and severe anxiety and I have to escape the situation immediately. I can say yes, quite happily when invited to go out, but after that I just don't want to go. I always set a time limit on where we go as I feel trapped (or in case I do). If we don't leave immediately I become very distressed and I just leave. Is this social anxiety??  I also prefer small group settings or not go at all. I can only go to local shops by myself but if husband is home, I prefer him to come to. It's like I feel that if I am out without him, that it's not right or doesn't feel right? I can't really describe what I feel as I just know panic sets in. Is it because things are out of my control if I go out with friends? Not sure. Does anyone else have these feelings? 

[Neil_1]

Hi Blondyroses

Yes, I have those feelings and really stress out with any social situations.  It's now to the point that I'm hellishly nervous just going to work.

But social situations, even if I was to meet up with mates, stresses me and I come up with any kind of reason to avoid such things.  When I can't, it's a case of hanging in there for as long as I can, and at times I'll come up with a fake headache or at other times, the headache is actually genuine.

And this is all with me on being on a medication that apparently assists me with this kind of anxiety.

But you're not on your own with those kinds of feelings.

Cheers

Neil

ps:  but as to why we feel this way, I just don't know.  Maybe I just don't like people?  🙂

[Blondyroses]

Dear Neil1,

Thank you for replying to my post. It is good to hear that I am not alone in this. Everything you said is exactly what I do too!!! Good to know others do it too. I have also thought that it is perhaps that I don't like people (unconsciously), but I am a warm friendly person and people/strangers tend to talk to me easily, so I think then that I must like people. Or they like me. Mmmmm who knows eh?  My psychiatrist has told me that I should keep or push myself into social situations but I can't. It's way too stressful. I am on 300mg sertraline. I don't know if this helps social phobia's or not. It just seems to even me out, therefore lessen panic attacks. 

Anyway, as it is close to Xmas I am very careful not get too social and end up highly stressed! Also, I haven't worked for two years now after a near nervous breakdown due to a bullying misogynistic boss.  My blood pressure is down now. It was sky high and had to be on meds for that but now I am off them,so I attribute my condition acerbated by work. 

anyway, thanks again for your time. 

Regards

Blondyroses 🙂

[enlighten]

I also think I suffer from social anxiety, so you are not alone. Its origins mainly (but not entirely) stem from when my voice and mannerisms were ridiculed at school. I started thinking everyone was judging me, and thinking the same things that were vocalised when I was harassed. When I have to become involved in some social situation, I feel like crying. I stress about it many days beforehand, which causes headaches and stomach aches. Right before the situation, my heart is pounding and, during it, my head swims so that I listen but don't comprehend what is being said, and my words come out jumbled and out of breath. I can list the number of friends I have on one hand. I do have other colleagues, but I only see them in professional, not social settings (e.g. college). When I was invited to parties (I hardly am any more), I would make excuses not to attend or, if I did attend, excuses to leave early. I now try to think of elaborate ways to avoid events, such as flying interstate, because they make me feel so anxious. I don't like going to stores, even if I am with someone (I worry that the store assistant will laugh at me). I find it difficult to just greet people, and am especially uncomfortable with people around my own age that I don't know because I feel so completely different to them. I struggle to make small talk – because I don't do much (due to the anxiety), I don't have much to say. Some of the things I was not able to do that now I am are: walk around the block, make a phone call, order at a restaurant. I don't have a problem with public speaking – yes, I do get extremely nervous but I feel in control. I don't need to think of things to say or worry about how to say things because I've got a script, and I don't need to respond to what people say on the spot. Before, I wanted to change but now I can't help but feel like I don't want to anymore, especially since therapy involves exposing yourself to your fears (I've had counselling before, so I know). I dream (it's not a reality, and probably won't ever be) of moving away where no-one knows me, and just only going out to work, and not even leaving the house to buy groceries but ordering them online. I know this is avoidant behaviour, but I can't help but feel comforted by it. The thing is, at the moment, there was social situations that continue to present themselves, and the anxiety is making things really hard. I also continue to feel bitter towards the school bullies, even though it has been nearly ten years since I've been at school. Thanks so much for listening to me!

[Neil_1]

Hi Blondyroses & Enlighten  

It’s a terrible situation eh?  Working in a city, living in a city, it’s a constant stressor.  Even at home when the phone rings … I just hope that it’s for someone else in my family and not me.  Even though, there’s only two people who phone up wishing to speak with me;  that’s my mum and my brother.  Just ridiculous ain’t it … being stressed by having to talk to your mum or bro !!   But after those calls, I look at the phone and see how many minutes that went for and breathe such a huge sigh of relief, knowing that another call won’t come for possibly a couple of weeks.  

Wow, that’s some excellent steps you’ve made Enlighten, to be able to make phone calls and to not have a problem with public speaking.  

Quick sidelight here:   from Jerry Seinfeld who said, “That generally people’s two major fears in life are public speaking and death (in that order);   public speaking is before death.  So if you’re going to a funeral, it’d be better going to your own, rather than having to speak at some one else’s”.  End of sidelight and slight bit of humour!  (insert small giggle here)  

I find there’s such a massive amount of stress that comes to me if I get in a situation where small talk is needed.  Meeting up with friends, especially over dinner or coffee, etc.  Hence with Christmas coming up where you meet up with people who you might only see once or twice a year and it’s the constant same old small talk … how have you been, my the kids are much older now, what’s the old job like, “oh you’re still there”,  gee you’re looking well, and I used to know a lot more, but I just try my damndest to avoid such things now.  The one thing that I really enjoy is going out to dinner – with just my immediate family – my partner and our two kids.  Because we’re just all so comfortable with each other and there IS no small talk … and even if there’s times where there’s no talk, it’s not uncomfortable.  

Take care guys,  

Neil