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Ruminating and obsessing about a mistake I just made.

Metal_kitty
Community Member
Hi everyone

I'm new.

I'm extremely tenses right now. I know my jaw is locked and my shoulders and neck as well. My mind is going a million miles and hour. I cannot distract myself from analysing a mistake I've just made with my new job.

MY client has emailed and ask questions which has lead me to recognise my mistake. I've tried to research to figure out the correct answers but am still at a loss. So I forwarded the email on to my boss and told him everything.

His replied by saying he would pen me a response in the morning.

I cannot figure out if he is annoyed at me or not. I've been with them a month now. Part time.

I'm juggling 3 jobs as I've recently separated from my husband and had to move out of the house and now renting. I also quit my major career just before we broke up.

I know I can do better then this. I just need to focus and have time to learn all the systems and processes.

I want to quit 1 of my jobs but a worried about money and these trying times of covid and lockdowns. Plus I need the references for me to build a house.

I'm so annoyed at myself for making this mistake.

I've tried the deep breathing and sleep meditation app. I just can't let it go.

I need this job. I really like this job. But I don't know what my boss is thinking. Will he fire me? Why didn't I remember that this job was different and had to look at different equipment?

There are too many "why's" rattling in my head. I'm so tense. Why am I so stupid???? I really need to do better.

15 Replies 15

Petal22
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Metal Kitty,

Wellcome to our forums!

So sorry you are feeling this way.

I understand what you are going through, I also used to analyse a lot I had severe anxiety OCD…… I’ve now recovered thanks to the help of professionals……

Ok, when you recognise that you are analysing you need to take your attention off what is going on inside your head and focus on something in the present moment…. If you are laying in bed how do the covers feel? What can you taste? What can you smell?

Practice slowing down your breathing….

Put your attention on your breath when your mind wonders put it back on your breath…

If the thoughts keep going inside your mind just treat them like a song that’s stuck in your head…… eventually it will not bother you anymore because you just let it be there…..

Everything will be ok, I’m sure your boss will be ok.

Try not to be so hard on your self, mistakes happen that’s how we grow from learning from them…

here to chat

geoff
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hello Metal Kitty, I'm sorry for what you are experiencing, however, when somebody makes a supposed mistake, they aren't told to go, not everybody is perfect and it's virtually impossible, and as Petal has said 'mistakes happen that’s how we grow', and this will happen to you, so please don't think the worst will happen, if this was the situation, then the company would have no one.

Take care.

Geoff.

Pumpkinella
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Metal Kitty,

You are being terribly hard on yourself 😞

Remember it is not whether we make mistakes (because we do of course) it is how we respond to our mistakes. This is what makes us a good or not so good :). So if you change your expectations from

"I am not allowed to make a mistake" - which is a perfectionist mindset that denies your humanity

to

"When I make a mistake I will be accountable and learn from it"

You will hopefully have a more realistic expectation of your performance and grow really well. You will actually perform better than if you flog yourself senseless for every error you make.

If your employer does not allow for mistakes he is the one with the problem - and is ironically making the biggest mistake a manager can! - not allowing for error in an organisation. If you don't allow for error you don't live in the real world.

I know that it can be difficult to shift this mindset because we have been conditioned to feel really bad if we error, but perhaps remembering that the boss you are talking to has made mistakes as well, he too has had that horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach about it. They are human just like you.

Be good to yourself, you care so much about your job - this is the best quality your boss could ask for.

Love

Pumps

Hi Petal22

Thank you. You are right. Slow down. Breathe. Everything will be ok

My crazy rant and over analysing was a complete over reaction and unnecessary. My boss barely recognised it.

I'm not sure how I get myself I to these situations where I completely panic of things and then they turn out to be nothing. Why do I work myself up into such a state?

I know I definitely need help. I have seen many types of professionals. Just haven't found the right one I guess.

Hi Geoff.

I Have to say, tigers are my favourite animal.

The rational and logic part of me understands this completely. When I was a manager of nearly 30 staff in 3 departments at the star of the year, well I could see this and help all my staff to be the best they could be.

But turn the tables and I cannot put that logic and reasoning in place. My brain circles this mistake, the irrational logic and plays on it. Feeds it. Let's it run wild. What's left is a madness that is consuming and illogical.

I know I need help.

Find the right help just seems so unattainable.

Thanks so much for replying

geoff
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hello Metal Kitty, you have just nailed it because when you had 30 staff to look after and manage and I'm positive you did a fantastic job, but as soon as this situation turns around, you expect that you should know all the answers just as you have done assisting these 30 workers, but this may not be possible, simply because other unexpected problems arise.

Look at all the world leaders, there are going to be problems they are stumped on, and when they do make a decision, half of the people are going to disagree with them, no one can be perfect, but you are entitled to make a decision based on how you think.

Take care.

Geoff.

Hi Pumps
I am extremely hard on myself. No idea why..I know I have achieved so much because of this. But I've also suffered greatly. Stress, anxiety, tension and depression.

I've been trying to work on changing my mental patters. It just isn't easy.

Petal22
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Metal kitty,

Im so glad everything has settled down for you.. that’s great 😊

I also use to do the same thing you did……. I’d over analyse a situation a lot… I’d have a lot of remuneration and anxiety…I’d worry about my bosses reaction…. Ect … but my boss didn’t see it as anything really so I got myself in such a tizz for nothing really……

The above would also happen with my health the worrying I’d even get the all clear from the doctor but I’d still worry and obsess about it… with questions what if they missed something……

I had a real pattern of how I thought about things looking back…., there came a point in my life were my worrying and obsessing became severe! Some days I couldn’t function properly my anxiety was through the roof!

I went to my gp and explained my symptoms my gp told me I had anxiety, my gp put me on a antidepressant to help me to manage my anxiety…. We did a mental health plan together this enabled me to see a clinical psychologist I also saw a psychiatrist…. My psychiatrist diagnosed me with severe anxiety Obsessive Compulsive Disorder….. it’s a anxiety disorder…. This then led me to a clinic that specialised in OCD…….. I did an 8 week group therapy this is we’re I learned to master my OCD……. I did metacognitive therapy this therapy changed my life it helped me to become aware of my thinking patterns and learned to disengage from the unhelpful ones…….
OCD is a vicious cycle…… once I became aware I was getting caught up in the cycle I was able to disengage from it….

Im not saying you have OCD but I think it would be a great idea for you to do a mental health plan with your gp so you can see a psychologist who will be able to help you with your thoughts in a Positive way………. Learning this is a skill you need to practice…. but you really can learn to change your thinking patterns… once you do life will become more flowing….

When you do a mental health plan ask your gp to refer you to a clinical phycologist…… a clinical psychologist can diagnose a normal psychologist can’t…maybe mention metacognitive therapy…. See if it’s a fit for you…

Keep trying with the professionals you will eventually see the correct one and be given the correct treatment……..

Ive now recovered from OCD 4 years going strong…….. it feels great to be on the other side of it..

Ive written two threads if your interested in reading…..

From someone who had OCD and recovered

and

Effective treatment for OCD Metacognitive Therapy

Im here to chat

Petal, I cannot thank you and be totally intrigued and have a million questions for you.

I think all of the above would be an understatement!

My entire life I can manufactured coping mechanisms.

My mother has always said she wished she had "made" me with a stop button, a volume button and a damn window in me!

I have never been officially diagnosed with anything.

As an x gen, I understood I was different and had to adapt to every situation. This meant I would change my voice, rein myself in, hide my true thoughts and feelings, be what people wanted, wear a mask, play the joker, act the part, and be everything and anything that I was not.

I have had mental plans in place for about a decade.

I am on anti anxiety/depression drugs for the last 4 years.

I guess for me, I don't know how to relax. I've also played the part of what everyone has needed of me, I just don't know how to find me. If that makes sense.

I need help. I just need to find someone who can see through every aspect of me.

Thank you for your guidance. You have no idea how much it helps.

Thanks.