Rock bottom.

[Kfox]

Hi all - I cannot afford therapy and need somewhere to air out my feelings and circumstances.

I've suffered from social anxiety quite severely since I was a teenager. It's only in the past few years that it's gotten in the way of work, friendships and relationships.

I'm currently in a fresh relationship (7 months in roughly) with an absolute angel of a person. For such a young relationship, he has had to deal with my alcohol dependency (because of anxiety), my extreme mood swings and general depression. I've left 3 amazing jobs since the start of the year due to not being able to function in a normal social setting. Hell, I can't even go into a shopping centre without almost having a panic attack. Anyway, the main reason I'm here is because my partner has quite simply had enough of me, and told me that I've "broken him". He had a spout of anger this morning and punched one of his computer monitors, which was awful to see because he is not an angry person... but I managed to bring it out of him with the way I've been towards him. My anxiety has also led to paranoia, for example, I assume the absolute worst of him and accuse him of things he hasn't and would never do. Due to lack of work, he has been supporting me a lot financially too and he's beginning to struggle. He also caught me hiding alcohol from him after I said I had quit... which really hurt him because of the fact I lied.

What I'm trying to say is that I don't know what to do. I do currently have a job but I've called in sick because of anxiety 3 times over the 3 weeks I've been employed there and I don't know how much longer they're going to tolerate that. I would absolutely appreciate any advice! I need to get my life in order and stop worrying about what other people think of me in social settings and learn to relax... I just don't know how. I can't keep relying on alcohol. The most frustrating thing is that by nature I'm very bubbly and confident, but I'm losing myself.

Thank you in advance to anyone who responds and I hope you're having a wonderful day. 💚

[smallwolf]

hello and welcome.

I'm really sorry to hear about the difficulties you're facing and the impact it's having on your relationships and overall well-being. It takes a lot of courage to open up and seek support, so kudos to you for reaching out.

While therapy might not be accessible to you at the moment, there are still some avenues you can explore. One option is to seek out support groups or online communities where you can connect with others who have similar experiences. Sharing your feelings and circumstances in a supportive environment can provide a sense of relief and understanding.

Maybe there are some self-help resources? Like books, podcasts, or online articles that offer practical techniques for managing anxiety. Learning about relaxation exercises, mindfulness, and cognitive-behavioral strategies could potentially be helpful in your journey towards overcoming social anxiety. See also...

https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Social-Anxiety

Does your partner know about your social anxiety?

If not ... having an open and honest conversation with your partner about your struggles can go a long way in strengthening your relationship. Perhaps you can work together to find ways to support each other and establish healthy boundaries.

Remember, progress takes time, and setbacks are a natural part of the process. Be patient and kind to yourself as you navigate this challenging path. Focus on small steps forward, celebrate your victories, and seek professional help as soon as it becomes feasible.

Wishing you all the best. Take care of yourself, and remember to be gentle with yourself during this process.

[David35]

I used to numb my anxiety with alcohol. I tried using alcohol to get to sleep. But it became addictive. It sounds like you suffer from alcoholism. I found it hard to accept. It was the way I was taught as a youngster to deal with emotional upset, social anxiety, disappointment, etc. But it's not the only way. I ended up going to AA for months to sort myself out.

I liken it to getting the flu. You don't apologise for it. It just happens. Sometimes in life, circumstances overwhelm us and we resort to something to help us. The problem with alcohol is that it turns you inward looking. It isolates you from the support that you need. Once i got better, i started repairing my relationships with my parents, who could then provide further support. Many people don't understand that it's not your fault. Sometimes we catch this "social cold" which if not treated can develop into a more serious problem,alcoholism.

It takes a lot of courage, because there's a bit of shame associated with it. I found once i sobered up I shared more with my parents and this in turn rebuilt the trust. But first you've got to seek help. I would suggest AA or the Big Blue Book if you can find it.

[therising]

Kfox

My heart goes out to you as you struggle with such a stressful and upsetting set of challenges, something you can really feel so deeply in so many different ways.

I can relate to alcohol as being an emotional regulator, as I drank my way through long term depression to some degree in my earlier years. While I still face occasional periods in depression, something I've learned over time involves the need to really feel my emotions, including the incredibly tough ones. Every emotion is telling, so it's a matter of figuring out what each one is telling me at every given time. From depressing levels of heartache or questionable feelings of anger through to overwhelming and literally breathtaking levels of hyperactivity in my body (anxiety attacks), I've come to learn a lot about myself. If I had have drank these feelings away, I would never have come to understand why they're there, what triggers them and I would never have been forced in some way to develop skills in managing them. I really do understand the alcohol factor and how it can offer much needed relief but I found, for me,  it got in the way of greater self understanding and skill development.

Socialising is skillful, especially for highly sensitive people. I'm a sensitive gal myself. Large social functions and shopping centres can resemble a form of torture when you can feel sound. It can become overwhelming. Meeting strangers can also resemble a form of torture when you can feel where your self esteem's at (when it's at an all time low). Destructive depressing inner dialogue before, during and after a social situation is also something that can be felt. Stuff like 'You're hopeless at meeting people. You're going to say something stupid or sit there saying nothing, looking like an idiot. You're going to look dysfunctional if you don't appear as happy as everyone else. You're just going to bring everyone down'. Such inner dialogue becomes brutal and exhausting. If you can feel yourself being judged by people you meet, that can be another factor to manage. To simply say I have social anxiety is too much of a generalisation. On the other hand, to say I need skills in 1) managing how I feel sound, 2) how I relate to my self (where my self esteem's at), 3) how I manage/manipulate my inner dialogue and my fears, 4) how I sense other people's judgement and 5) how I manipulate my own nervous system etc, points to the need for greater self understanding in so many areas. I need to fully understand how I work on a number of levels.

Someone once said to me something along the lines of 'If you imagine your life is not linear but instead appears as a huge net (with a network of intersecting points), it becomes about 'networking' or working the net. You can feel when you're at an intersecting point. When you feel you can't keep going the same way, when you feel there is no choice but to change, when you feel the pain of the path you're on etc etc, you know you're at a significant turning point'.

With each turning point, we change.

❤️