Personal Embrassment/Worry - What If

[Thesunwillcomeup]

I have struggled on and off with Anxiety since I was a teenager. I've had professional help, medication etc.. to control and place mechanisms in place to better understand and deal with larger and smaller attacks I have.

I continue too struggle with controlling and dealing with the "what if"  the comes from both decisions and actions I take. I understand and accept this is a normal reaction and a healthy reaction ( emotion realisation is important ), but when irrational "what if" starts pushing through the rational, I continue to struggle.

Two nights ago, I made a silly personally decision. I was alone and bored in a city away from my home, and decided to go to adult entertainment club. I have zero confidence and self belief, so I'm an easy target for the pushy ladies. When pressured I said yes to a dance. But before it happened, as I when to pay I decided to just walk out without telling her.

Straight my "what if" kicked in. Will she look me up and socially embrassment me, will she ring my employer (stupid me, no confidence, used my real name and occupation) etc.. Then later, my "what if" when into overdrive. The owners of the club are underworld figures, will they use the cameras to face match me, find me etc... Now I never got a dance etc.. so I didn't owe or steal anything, but I did say yes, then walked out instead. 

Please can anyone provide me with a rational argument/though pattern to this anxiety. I accept the stupidity is on me, and I put myself in a vulnerable situation (I guess I was testing myself), but I hate that still with all the help/support, my brain will always revert to the negative irrational conclusion of worry.

Help and support Is much appreciate

[Sophie_M]

Hi Thesunwillcomeup,

Finding the courage to post about your confusion and mistake at the adult entertainment club is an excellent step toward developing the internal self-talk you are seeking. Our supportive community is here to help.

When we look around us and see almost everyone acting as though they have total confidence, we often tell ourselves that we are the only one who makes such bad choices. However, we understand that most of us sometimes pretend so others don't see how insecure we are actually feeling inside.

We would like to encourage you to ring our Counsellors on 1300 22 4636 whenever you really start feeling extremely hard on yourself. The counsellor may be able to help you stabilise your negative spin.

You may also try calling Lifeline on 13 1114.

Warm regards,

Sophie M.
 

[Thesunwillcomeup]

Thankyou for your reply and words.

I appreciate the help services provided, and have used them in the past.

If possible, really looking for some rational thinking processes for my actions. Are my irrational thoughts really irrational, are they justified? Or am I letting Anxiety control the thought pattern and move it to an irrational conclusion 

[Petal22]

Hi Thesunwillcomeup,

Im really sorry you are feeling this way.

Intrusive thoughts can be hard to deal with especially when we start to spiral with what if questions.

I used to be stuck in an OCD cycle and part of my cycle was what if ?

After I moved past the what if….my anxiety would turn up more with more horrible intrusive thoughts then I would perform compulsions to try to bring the anxiety down sometimes I’d do these mentally and sometimes physically and the cycle would progress further along until I came to my stop signals…… it was a very exhausting debilitating cycle to be stuck in.

I then learned to break free of the cycle I’d have to stop doing the things that where keeping me in the cycle.

Ive learned now just to have the initial thought and then not give it my full attention I’ve learned just to let it come in and go out.

I no longer question the first thought.

Helpful ways I have learned to not give my attention to the thoughts is, when I have the initial thought I can put my attention on something in the present moment and not on the thought, if my mind tries to bring me back to the thought I repeat the same thing or practice mindfulness.

“What we give attention to we give power to”

Maybe try to disengage from cycle you are in, instead of trying to find a solution to your thoughts just put your attention on something in the present moment.

Meditation is very helpful for learning to observe your thoughts and not get caught up in them.