Not sure if I have anxiety/ocd or not... help!

Martii · ‎22-05-2015

It's only been the last few months that I have thought I might have some kind of anxiety disorder.. I always thought I had a bit of OCD but not I am thinking some kind of anxiety too, but not sure - I have read fact sheets and things and the things ring true but I don't know, thought maybe some people can help see if I do? I have always been a perfectionist, always unsure of myself, always need reassurance from someone, always have to do things a certain ways - my friends think it's funny how organised I am, I colour code things and everything in my apartment is in the right place and if anyone moves it or touches it I flip out and have to put it back where it was. I can never really relax, I am always thinking at night of all the little things I have to do, like move a book into a better place, or rearrange the food in my cupboard, things like that. The other day I flipped out at work for the first time - it's a new place where I am working - the CEO asked me to do some things and I had no idea what he was talking about, then someone else started asking me questions and all of sudden I was bawling and couldn't breathe because I was so overwhelmed. I just want to do a good job of everything I do, and the thought that I didn't know what he was talking about just sent me over the edge. I was so embarrassed because that has never ever happened to me before, I am always in such control and always have somewhat of an idea what is going on...

These things aren't so bad that it makes my life hard, but I do worry alot and find it hard to just live life because I am worried about the damn book in my house that I have to move to a better place. It makes no sense. Does any of this make sense for anyone else?

Neil_1 · ‎25-05-2015

Hi there Martii

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for coming here and providing your post.

Yes, some of what you’ve written does make sense – actually all of what you’ve written makes sense and that it’s just your compulsion that is leading you to be this way. I know of a lot of people who have these tendencies to have things “just so” and if not, then there’s a massive worry and stress about it.

I have a thing with the clothesline, where you have all kinds of different pegs, but when I’m hanging the clothes on the line, I’ve got to have two identical pegs to be able to hang up a piece of clothing; and sometimes it can take a while when searching through the peg basket looking for the matching one.

Did things turn out ok at your work? Did they want to know what happened for you to become so overwhelmed? I do hope you’ve got some lovely people at your work so that doesn’t become a form of stress for you also.

Would love to hear back from you.

Kind regards

Neil

Ps: Martii, now go and MOVE that damn book to a better place!! 🙂 🙂 🙂

geoff · ‎25-05-2015

dear Martii, people do have a way that they want things done, or perform acts like a tennis player who has to bounce the ball the same number of times, so that's called their routine, or the way a golfer address's the ball before they hit it, again that's their routine, but by being a perfectionist then that makes me start to think, so I look at what else you have said.

So if you want to do things a certain way, could this be your routine maybe or maybe not, but then you want to put items in their right place, not over there or here, but where you need to put them, and then if someone moves it your agitation and anxiety where you begin to feel the anxiety build up with perhaps the label facing a certain way, not that you have mentioned that, but I'm sure that's what you want, is a certain fact that you have OCD.

When you worry about that book having to in the right place is a definite certainty, and whether you have to go home and rearrange it, which again you haven't mentioned, but I think that this will happen.

You have OCD unfortunately, but I have had it for 54 years, although now it's probably 55 years by now, but how they resonate with me.

Some say that medication will help, or that CBT will also help you overcome this illness and yes all of these will help, but everyone is different, but with CBT it's a full 24/7 job, constantly thinking how to stop doing these habits or thoughts, mine has got better and my thinking/habits/rituals have changed over time, but I would like to talk to you tomorrow, but think about these routines.

Please do not concern yourself too much, because it's a common illness, and if you type OCD in the search bar, there will many posts that people have posted.

Geoff.

Martii · ‎25-05-2015

Hey guys, thankyou for much for taking the time to reply.

I understand the clothesline thing haha, I don't do it myself but sometimes I have a compulsion to hang clothes up in order of category - work/leisure/sport/socks/underwear/pjs.. but I have felt the need to do that only a couple of times, fortunately!

I spoke to the CEO about it and I tried to explain myself but I was a bit of a mess so not sure if I made sense and he was lovely but I was finding it hard to pay attention to what he said cause I was still crying and stuff. I said things would be fine if he just wrote down exactly what I had to do, and send it to me. I am an organised person and need something to refer to, and I am fine! Anyway, it's only a couple day a week thing, I am going back tomorrow... so will see how we go...

Geoff, I find when I am at home, or out, or wherever really, that I think about all the things I have to do, the little things - and even though everything in my house is fine, I feel like I just have to move things around, all of the time - or I will sit there and stew over it for ages and become anxious and stop what I am doing to go and 'fix' something - I can't watch a movie or relax or read until it is done. Or I can't concentrate properly until it is. I don't go home from what I am doing to rearrange things but I do think about it all day, and pretty much consumes most of my thinking. I'm amazed I am able to think about anything else! Haha. Funny thing is I am learning about OCD and CBT as part of my studies, and how CBT can help OCD. I don't mind OCD because people just think you are a bit eccentric. And at least I am organised!