Not Happy Anymore

GingerMegs · ‎31-07-2022

Hi everyone I am drained and don't have much energy, I believe I am getting mental and emotionally abused and my partner is trying use my son against me, so she can keep me in the house I'm always doing everything in the house and making sure that the kids a clean dressed and ready to go to bed all that but it's still not good enough and my step daughter is a piece of work I tell her about her daughter how rude and disrespectful she is towards me then she just disregards it like it's nothing, I told her yesterday I wanted to leave because of her not treating me well then she brings up my past and says you're mother was a drug addict which she was, when I was 18 I never seen her ever again she uses everything against me even my little son saying I hurt him which I didn't 2 years ago I was holding him in my arm and she pulled him out of my hands and he was screaming and she wants to blame that on me, I'm lost and don't know what to do and I don't think anyone is going to believe me that I have been mentally abused a bloke as far as society is concerned that doesn't happen to males and women get abused.

Sophie_M · ‎31-07-2022

Dear GingerMegs,

We're so sorry to hear what you're going through; it sounds like you've been struggling and having a difficult time for a while now.

Whilst we know that this beautiful online community will wrap around you and offer some amazing support and advice, we'd also like to remind you that reaching out to get the support you need is integral.

Please don't hesisitate to call us on 1300 22 4636, or to reach out via chat (24/7). It's free, confidential and you get to talk with trained counsellors.

We're also aware that you might benefit from some specialised support, and we recommend our friends at 1800 Respect for this ... please call them on 1800 737 732 (also 24/7), or go to their online chat.

If at any time you feel you are in danger, please don't hesitate to call 000.

We hear you, believe you and support you, GingerMegs.

We will also reach out to you privately.

Kind regards,

Sophie M

ecomama · ‎31-07-2022

Hey GingerMegs, welcome to the forums. Please use this safe space to talk it all out and get some support for what you're going through and your future path.

It's not necessary for "anyone to believe you" and the stats showing a 97% - 3% reporting on this kind of abuse.
It STILL happens. Possibly males don't report as often IDK.

Who do you need to believe you anyway?

Australia has "no fault divorce" now.
No reasons for ending a marriage are necessary any more thank God.

You don't have to "claim" any type of abuse and be believed, but if you need to at some point, then there are legal places you can gain advice from for those situations.

Sounds like you're at the end of your tether at home.

Have you considered booking a relationship Counsellor?

Please don't worry about the accusations of spouse about your mother's choices, crikeys.
They can TRY to use this against you, but it won't work. Don't worry about that.

Please get legal advice. Any Family Lawyer is under obligation to give you a FREE 30 minute spiel on Family Law (unless your partner has seen them before by which she's "conflicted you out" of using that Lawyer).
I would do that asap.

You can also call the 1800RESPECT Helpline. This line is not exclusively for women. No. It's for ALL people who need to call.
They are brilliant. They have specialised Counsellors and can put you through to a Psychologist if the situation is too tricky for the Counsellor. Don't worry, they put me through to the Psychs EVERY time I called in my previous situation.

Best wishes and hope to hear from you soon!
EM

GingerMegs · ‎31-07-2022

Thanks for your help I appreciate it, I'm emotional done and mentality done with everything yes we have kids but I truly think there better off with us separated, and she always tries to use my mental health against me, your mental and they will be against you all that crap.....I thought she loved me bust she's doing this shit all the time so she must no be, she has some sort of complex about herself, she always uses money talk against me like, I earn more then you all that crap you don't earn enough crap since when has it been about who earns the most all I want do is keep the house going with whatever money I have but it seems in her eyes that's not good enough

ecomama · ‎31-07-2022

Hey GM, if this is your decision (and it sounds like a very stressful situation) then separating is what can be done.

It could be quite stressful on another level but hopefully you'll make it through okay and be able to move on from this, whilst still having the children stay with you.

Love isn't using anything about your partner against them. You're right there!

GM if she carries on again about your mental health or brings your mother up, you can walk away.
The best response is NO verbal response at times.

(Who is this mysterious "they" anyway? that will hold all this stuff against you).

Also arguing about money earned by either party is of no consequence right now, probably didn't need to be before either, but money is one of the number one things married couples argue about.
You're not alone there!

Search for the 180 Strategy.
There's also the Gray Rock strategy to look up.

I can tell you're very upset atm.
This concerns me, so please reach out to one of the numbers Sophie_M or I have listed for you.
You can call anonymously.
The Counsellors will help GROUND you and help you to cope.

Your focus can now change from her and the kids, to the kids and you separating from her.
Please be careful about anything you say, say the minimal.
Also be careful about anything you text. Keep texts calm. See the Strategies I listed above.

Hope to hear from you soon,
EM

GingerMegs · ‎03-08-2022

We are not married just engaged, she's has been like this for 7 years and I thought it was a normal relationship l, but now I realise it's not, when we first start out our relationship I didn't tell her about my mental health until after a year because of being judged by people and being judged by her she tells me I look at people inappropriately I know I do but it's not by purposes, It has everything to do with my mental health issues, I'm moving forward because I'm scared she is going to use everything against me which Im scared she is going to tell lies out of spite, i don't have emotions it's numb, I have alot of sadness for the absent emotions, that I can't feel what other people feel it's been like that for me since early childhood, I now what I feared the most has come true, no one understanding me I mean my partner because everytime I tell her she ignores my feelings, which just make my feelings worse I want to be heard, I want to be understood, anxiety disorders and depression disorder I suffer internally not externally, I suffer from low mood, and sometimes don't want to go out, I comfortable just being somewhere without noise and sound I don't mind children noises, my comfort zone is small I don't have any friends because I find it hard to communicate, so I don't worry about it, I can be in a crowded area and still be lonely, I suffer from low moods and small tasks fill like mountains, and when someone doesn't understand you it makes things much more worse

ecomama · ‎03-08-2022

Hey GingerMegs, nice to hear from you again.

You sound extremely stressed. I'm not sure what you mean by looking at people inappropriately but I know a Counsellor can help you talk these things out.
Please call one of the Helplines we listed for you. They are FREE and they are very much for YOU.

It's really important to get "linked in" with other supports.

You're expressing a lot of fear and this is completely normal when you're in an abusive situation as you are.
All of us can feel alot of fear when needing to leave this kind of relationship, or any relationship for that matter.

This sentence... "I'm moving forward because I'm scared she is going to use everything against me which Im scared she is going to tell lies out of spite".

Yep, we can expect the lies!
Such a shame that people feel the need to LIE. Apparently it's all part of Family Law my Lawyer told me.

So you can expect these lies especially since she's telling you lies to your face now.

But WHO are you worried she's going to lie to?

Please feel free to use your thread here any time,
EM

GingerMegs · ‎04-08-2022

Like the court system and to my family member her friends our kid, yesterday I told her I don't feel like doing anything because of my low mood and she's started getting angry with me and threw a peanut butter container at me, and said you don't know how to cook you don't know how to clean, she is right but I do try my best with both for dinner sometimes we have noddles sometime spag bowl she doesn't like the way I cook it kids still eat it anyway, sometimes cook meat pies ect, then she's goes I have already told my case worker that you don't cook food, and I'm thinking in my head hang on just because I can't make food like yours doesn't mean I haven't cooked, i pick our kids up from school in the afternoon after work and then get them home get dinner ready and then get them clean get them to bed then I clean the house and whatever I can't finish I will try and do it the next day also my partner tells me that I'm playing the mental card and she's told her case worker is and they agreed that I'm use mental health as a cover up which I'm not, some rubbish story like that, I do have issues I know that I do go to a Phycolgist , her daughter doesn't help me she's to lazy always on her laptop or doing something other then help me, then she says I never ask her I shouldn't need to be cause her mum doesn't ask her she just does it, she's rude and disrespectful and her mum doesn't do anything about that behaviour when I try to tell her she brushes it off like it's nothing,

Sophie_M · ‎04-08-2022

Dear GingerMegs,

We are pleased you found the courage to post about your child's friend's mother negatively judging you. We are a supportive community, so we will do our best to support you rather than judge you.

We would like to invite you to call our wonderful mental health specialists when you find yourself getting overwhelmed from situations like that. The number is 1300 22 4636, and you can call any time, day or night. The mental health specialist may be able to help you calm down at times between your psych appointments.

Welcome to our forums, and feel free to post whenever you wish.

Warm regards,

Sophie M.

ecomama · ‎04-08-2022

Hi GingerMegs, I'm really glad you're seeing a Psychologist. I hope they can help you sort through these issues.
I'm also hoping they can help you build boundaries, even how to react when these issues occur.

Please call the number Sophie_M wrote for you.
I'm sure the kind and caring Counsellors on this line will not only help settle you when things get overwhelming but also hopefully be able to point you in the direction of Legal support.

Keep your cool as much as you possibly can.
Ensuring there's no "evidence" on your part of any types of abuse is best.

Tbh I'd leave her daughter out of all talks with your gf. You may have different expectations of her daughter than your partner, but it sounds like a catalyst to worsening arguments.

Are you planning to leave the home?

EM