Long time sufferer first time poster

Anxt16 · ‎05-09-2016

Hi,

I have had moderate anxiety for about 7 years. I had my triggers but thought I had learnt to deal with it. I'm now in what is my first healthy relationship, approaching 1 year, and I am overwhelmed with anxiety about it. We live together and until a few weeks ago I was completely happy. I have been seeing a psych, have medication which I have suddenly been using lately and have just started anti depression/anxiety meds. I keep worrying about tough times ahead in our relationship and am starting to think it's best to get out now. However, I love him, it's the first time in over 10 years I've met someone I really enjoy being with. I think some standard relationship cracks are starting to show and we're also going on a round the world trip in December (I am terrified of travel). I assume these factors, along with my only other relationship being quite dysfunctional, are causing my anxiety but it is out of control. He is starting to get frustrated and psychologically effected by my behaviour so I'm sabotaging our relationship with my worry. I have a lot of insight, I'm doing the right things, but I truly feel like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. I'm terrified and so so sad.

Not sure what anyone can do or say right now - just feeling hopeless.

BballJ · ‎05-09-2016

Hi Anxt16,

welcome to the forums.

As you do, I also have anxiety and always worry about things that may or may not happenin the future, I think you in part have answered your own question, you enjoy being with this person and are genuinely happy the first time in 10 years I believe you said. I completely understand triggers and it seems you are firstly worried about the upcoming trip, which is always a anxiety causing affair if you don't travel well, but I would try and think about all the wonderful places you are going to see, with this person who makes you happy, you'll be creating genuine happy memories and that is always better than anxiety and worrying. Relationship cracks are normal as well, I recently just got married and have been living with my partner for 1 year and things come up that hadn't come up before but that's because you see each other every day and that is normal.

it a tough hurdle Anxiety and I feel for you cause I am in the middle of overthinking anxiety at the moment and worrying constantly about the future. I find when things are going well I look for something negative to happen but in reality sometimes good things are happening cause we simply deserve it... Hang in there, I believe the trip together will do wonders, you said yourself how happy you are and that's the most important thing... To remain happy and positive.

my best for you.

Jay

assistance · ‎05-09-2016

I am a first timer on this forum and I have gone through some very bad luck and has affected me very badly. I cannot speak to family and I dont know what to do. I dont know what i am suffering anxiety or depression or both.

I need to someone to hold me and say everything will be fine and that I will one day be a grand father. Where I sit it appears to be a tall order.

Chris_B · ‎05-09-2016

Hi assistance, welcome to the forums. It sounds like you have quite a bit you'd like to talk with us about. Can you start a new thread to tell us a bit more?

assistance · ‎05-09-2016

Hi Chris

How do I start a new tread I am new to all this?

Anxt16 · ‎06-09-2016

Thanks Jay.

I really need to keep a positive mindset because I can feel growing urges to end the relationship - presumably out of self preservation. It's always helpful to hear the stories of others so I don't feel so alone.

Thanks again.

cpg84 · ‎06-09-2016

The biggest advice I can give is to do breathing exercises to help reconnect your thoughts with your body. Thinking about each breath and how it enters your body and then leaves your body as you exhale.

At times, your mind may wander, but you just pull yourself back in line with your body. Just 5 minutes a day can really help, I have done this with my Psychologist and it works so well.

I had completely hit rock bottom a month ago after having a bad run at work, being targetted unfairly for termination by management. I took the steps to speak with a Counsellor. I had to get everything off my chest because i was about to attempt suicide.

I had been in denial for years about my depression and anxiety because men are perceived as weak if they talk about their feelings. You need to be tough and strong. This is the main reason I think male suicide is so high.

12 months ago I wanted to attempt suicide. But I put it down to being stressed at work and let it go. Worst idea ever!

I have a very supportive partner and she wants me to talk more. I have been doing that and it has helped. I have also startes taking anti-depressants and seeing a psychologist. I have done a complete 180.

Croix · ‎07-09-2016

Dear Anxt16

I can understand your situation having been there. I’ve never found anyone with a ‘magic bullet’ to fix things however if it were me I’d try to look at the problem as being several separate things, each with some possible partials solutions, rather than one overwhelming one.

You are in a relatively new relationship and are worried about what is going to happen. You’ve found problems. Often 2 people trying to cope and look out for each other works out ok. I guess I’ve been lucky in having had 2 partners and both have consistency made great allowances for my often irrational behavior and attitudes.

There really are people in the world that do consistently love and help. I also found at
least at first they tended to blame themselves and the understanding and the
ability for them to cope only came with experience.

Dealing with an increase or change in a meds regime is another problem, your subjective impressions of its efficacy and side effects are something to try to talk over with your medical practitioner.

Travel is another matter, maybe I’m being unrealistic, I don’t know the circumstances, perhaps the plan might be shelved for a while, if that is not feasible maybe there are some rewards you can offer yourself by going – looking at the Mona Lisa, drinking coffee in a Paris cafe, visiting a loved one, whatever you really like
and can use as a ‘carrot’.

I’ve suffered from severe anxiety for very many years and have found a balance that sort of works 'mostly'. This website offers a whole heap of good advice, particularly with what to do at the time – distraction, exercise etc. See the thread SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING ANXIETY.

When I was younger I would never have thought this but there is indeed light at the end of the tunnel, and just as important the journey through the tunnel can be surprisingly rich with happy experiences.

My very bestwishes

Croix