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Leaving a toxic energy behind

PsychedelicFur
Community Member

Hello there,

a couple of days ago I had come to the realisation that I needed to leave my very destructive and toxic relationship. I found the courage and strength within me to leave.

I had been dating my partner for ten months. And throughout those ten months it had been a very rocky experience. This was my first ever real relationship.

Name calling had been happening when I got anxious. This particular person would get angry with me and start calling me ‘pathetic’ and ‘childish’ when I wanted comfort and hugs during a panic attack.
He told me that the reason he would get angry and treat me poorly was because I made him get that way by being anxious.

when I went to hospital for suicidal thoughts he hadn’t spoken to me all day because of an episode of me overthinking over text prior to that day. He then rang me up and abused me on the phone saying ‘maybe you need to lose me, someone you love in order to realise your a horrible person.’ And ‘if your trying to make me feel sorry for you then you can stop trying.’

he also use to pick on my appearance knowing very well that I had insecurities and issues that led back to my mum being emotionally abusive towards me.
calling me a 6/10. When I hadn’t been asking him to even rate my looks. Telling me I also look embarrassing in my flamboyant clothing. And that I was plus size too when others and even medial professionals tell me I’m not.

he would sometimes not drive me home and I would have to catch the train home by myself without him even walking me to my platform. I felt very unloved and lonely.

then when I would have anxiety episodes and overthink he would ignore me for hours on end by not responding to my calls or text messages. Then blaming me for making him angry. He would say things like ‘if you didn’t do that then I would not have treated you that way.”

Part of me feels very liberated and empowered that I decided to leave. Another part of me feels upset and so very heartbroken.

I know deep down I have done the right thing for my mental health and well-being. And people, who I trust deeply around me have told me so too. As they have watched me face the challenges and pressure this relationship has put me through. I have been reading books about feminism and practicing self care and love routines. As well as reading articles about narcissistic abuse.

I’m in a weird situation,

need some more insight.
PF

79 Replies 79

Sophie_M
Moderator
Moderator
Hi PsychedelicFur,

Thank you so much for reaching out to us so openly today. We're sorry you're reeling with thoughts and emotions about leaving your relationship but sounds like you decided to prioritise your mental wellbeing, which is great.

Our community is here to provide you with as much support, advice, understanding and conversation as you need. However, as you know, the peer support offered here while often quick is not immediate. If you feel like you need more urgent support please don't hesititate to reach out to our Support Service on 1300 22 4636.

We also want to let you and anyone reading this that we've closed a few of your older threads, including:

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/relationship-and-family-issues/my-father-and...

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/relationship-and-family-issues/is-he-trying-...

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/relationship-and-family-issues/anxiety-about...

We do ask all users to stick to one thread per topic so that those in our community lending you support don't have to go hunting for other related fragments of your story and to spare you from having to repeat yourself.
 

Petal22
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello PsychedelicFur,

Sorry you have been treated this way...... your partner knows nothing about mental health and how to care for you while you are experiencing this...... your partner should be supporting you....

I think you are doing the right thing by not being with your partner...

you will one day find someone who is genuine and wants the best for you...

stay strong

Thank you Petal22 for your kind words. Much appreciated.

I’m trying to heal but it is very very hard.

Guest_4643
Community Member

Hey PsychedelicFur.

I'm so sorry to hear that you had this awful "person" in your life. None of what they said to you is true, I'm really sorry that happened to you and that you were suicidal from it. I hope you're safe now. Please know that they're the horrible "person", not you, you've done nothing wrong. I'm so sorry they treated you like that, they're the ones with issues, not you.

I hope you're safe and feeling ok, we're here for you.

Thank you so much mb20lover, your kind words are definitely much appreciated.

i feel relieved and liberated I found the strength within me to leave him. However I am worried. I miss him. I know he was bad for me. But I miss him. I never want to get back with him though. He will never change: he has been like this in the past with other relationships

I know what you mean, I miss some people who were bad for me too. Maybe it's common, I'm not sure. And you're welcome.

Yes I'm proud of you for leaving him, well done. That took a lot of courage.

Emotional abuse leaves you in a state of denial and confusion. You are shown this side from the person you love so very dearly and that side is sadistic and evil.

It definitely took a lot of recognition towards the situation I was in and a decent amount of courage to leave him.

I was reading a feminism book written by Florence Given called ‘Women Don’t Owe You Pretty’ and it told me about verbally and emotionally abusive relationships. I had my suspicions earlier on in the relationship but this book really helped shape my perception and look at things outside of my rose coloured glasses.

geoff
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member
Hello PF, I am so sorry you have been caught up in relationship like this,especially your first real one that you had hoped would materialise into a long friendship, and in saying that we're pleased you have decided to leave.

It would leave you in a state of denial and confusion, only wishing that this wasn't to be the situation, unfortunately it is and he is most unlikely to change until he gets the help he needs, but at the moment that's not something you want to contend with, all you want is to have a person who truly loves and respects everything you do, then it also reciprocates doing whatever you can to cherish this relationship.

It does take great strength to up and leave and deserve all the support you are entitled to and really pleased you have posted.

There is much more we can assist you with and happy to help you.

Take care.

Geoff.

Hey there Geoff,

it was so much stress for me when being in the relationship. I knew it deserved more but I couldn’t seem to find the courage and strength within me to leave. I still love him which makes matters worse.

thanking you for the kind and supportive words.