In full flight mode-Anxiety is ruining my life

[Mares73]

Hi all

Where to start? Background -As I've mentioned in Depression thread I'm dealing with a lot right now. Husband with acute leukemia, 2 kids & the one who is 10yrs is diagnosed with anxiety & depression relating to uncertainty of his Dad being around. I'm also involved in case against Catholic church for serial abuse as a child. Like many I grew up in a house of horrors. Anyway I'm on meds for depression & I've always been predisposed to anxiety. But the last week it's got so debilitating I can hardly breathe when I wake up, my mind is overwhelmed by racing thoughts, I feel physically I'll & I'm immobilized. I can barely leave the house unless it's desperate. I spend all day trying to calm down but days are now wiped out by severe anxiety & I'm afraid I don't seem to be able to control it. I've tried meditation & breathing but the state I'm in it just becomes another anxiety issue. My life is literally spent trying to deal with anxiety everyday. I wake up anxious, am on edge & high alert at the simplest sound. It's like I'm ready to fly out the Window. It's destroying me that everyday is another day of being driven by fear. Why can't I stop this destroying my life? It starts first thing in morning & I can't wait for bedtime as my days are such a struggle & there's no joy or other feelings. If I have to do something I cope on pure adrenaline. Otherwise I waste the days because the anxiety is so severe I can't even distract myself. I've asked myself what has triggered this but simply the thought of another day fighting this is causing fear. I am completely overwhelmed that  I have to be there for my husband & kids so I try so hard to be normal around them but it's getting harder. I also know that in the past anxiety has preceded depression. I'd do anything to not be a complete nervous wreck. I just don't know how to stop it when it's this severe. And I've told my psych & GP & they just say I've got a lot to deal with. But I can't bare to keep living like this. It's all consuming all day everyday. I just want it to ease up. Has anyone else experienced anxiety so severe you can barely make it through the day? My body is rigid with anxiety, I literally feel sick & my mind is racing to the point I don't feel I'm living but rather existing with a massive problem that's affecting every area of my life.

[dontworrybehappy91]

I hope you find peace and I hope your husband pulls through. Whatever happens I hope you find strength to carry on.

[Neil_1]

Hi there Maresy

I’m hearing you, loud and clear – and I feel helpless that I cannot provide you with any helpful advice.

I just wanted you to know that I’m still here and around and if by you reading this is providing you with just the tiniest instance of support then, I feel really good that this has happened.

You’ve been having to deal with all this for so long now and the battle rages on for you – on so many different fronts and there seems to be no respite for you.

I’m just wondering whether your GP has been able to prescribe you with something that may help in easing your tensions at all?  Surely there must be something to give you some respite?

Kind regards

Neil

[RosieQ]

I can't tell you how much this post resonated with me as I am going through exactly the same thing as we speak. It is so bad and crippling I can't even make decisions on what to do in the day. I try and keep a lid on it but it's so hard. I can't help but think that your difficult circumstances - parenting as well as being a partner to someone who is ill must be the triggers. My dad fell ill with cancer and it's ever since that day he told me that I've been experiencing this horrible, insane anxiety...

 There are things that I find - small things - which give a moment of reprieve. A hug from someone, counting back from 100 in threes (odd, I know) and then visualising my anxiety as mickey mouse on my shoulder! It has worked! Exercise as well helps me get through it. But it never goes away. These things just give a moment of peace and help me get through the day. So I hear you and I'm with you.  Keep writing - this forum has really helped me and I hope it will help you too. 

[White_Rose]

Dear Mares

I am so sad for you. Is there nothing your doctor can do to help ease the anxiety? Surely he/she must be able to help.

Like Neil I can think of nothing to help that you have not already tried. Is your husband at home or still in hospital? Do you know what his prognosis is? Sorry to be so blunt. I wondered if you had a more definitive answer than the last time you wrote.

Is it possible to get someone in to do your housework at least once a week? That would at least remove one of your concerns. How are the children holding up?

We are here to talk to, as you know. And as Neil has said, if it helps, please continue writing and we will respond.

Love

Mary

[Neil_1]

Hi Maresy

I’ve noticed you floating around the forums, so just thought I’d check in with you to see how you might be travelling.  Absolutely awesome that you’re being able to reach out to others, when I’ve got a fair idea that your current world is upside down and in turmoil.   I do understand that, as it kind of internally helps, if you can reach out to others and offer assistance, even when you’re struggling with your own ordeals.

Anyway, just wanted to say “Hi and that I’m thinking of you”.

Neil

[Ellie05]

Hi Mares,

I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through. I've also been in full flight mode anxiety recently and it is a horrible thing.

You're going through some very stressful events in your life and I'm no expert on the manner but I can share a few things that have helped me:

1. Talk to someone - I've found this gives me some relief (evening if temporary) and you'd be surprised how many people want to listen and offer support. It might also be worth calling a support line.

2. A hot cup of herbal tea - I've been avoiding caffeine (body is already overstimulated) but a hot drink seems to calm me a little. It's like a 5 minute treat.

3. Relaxing music

4. Riding it out - Like you I tried to calm myself through breathing and meditation but ended up more stressed as I wasn't getting the results I wanted. Recently I've begun accepting that my body/mind is going through an episode and it will pass eventually if I let it.

 5. Exercise - you might not feel like a hard core gym session but just getting up and moving will start to ease the adrenalin in your system.

 I hope things turn around for you and your family soon