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Im feeling overwhelmed.Loneliness and guilt.Dont want to lose friends.

Beaser
Community Member
Hi and best wishes. I am starting to feel myself slide again . I have long been involved in my local football club and having been single for so long so it has been like my family and my support network. I have a partner now and she isnt that interested i dont know how to go about things as far as continuing my involvement. I dont want to lose her over it but i need my friends and my social network. I have had a huge battle with depression and anxiety for my most of my life. I have leant on people for support too much at times and im scared that i may not have that support anymore because they may be tired of it. I have sruggled with work for so long as a result. I just want to be happy again .I feel like im on this horrible treadmill and never get anywhere. I would appreciate any feedback and thoughts from anyone i hope i have described my situation ok as it is hard to do . Thanks for reading and best wishes . Brett.
72 Replies 72

Sophie_M
Moderator
Moderator
Dear Beaser,

Thank you for finding the strength to post in our forums. We encourage you to recognise your significant courage.

When we find a partner, there is sometimes an expectation that we completely give up our own support network and rely completely on our partner for all of the support that multiple people gave us before. To us, this seems like a lot of pressure for support to place on one person.

For those of us who have partners that encourage us to fully give up our own external support systems, this may become concerning to us as isolation from our friends can open us up to unhealthy relationships.

If things start feeling concerning, we would encourage you to talk with your GP, or call a service like Beyond Blue at 1300 22 4636

Warm regards,

Sophie M.
 

jtjt_4862
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hiya Brett,

Welcome back, it's great to see you posting again. Sorry to hear about what you're going through at the moment. If I understood correctly, am I right to assume that, when you mentioned about not wanting to lose your partner, but also not wanting to lose your friends and support network, are you referring to the imbalance time spent on your partner, while not spending enough time with your friends and family? And if you don't mind helping me better understand, what did you mean by your partner isn't that interested?

Jt

Beaser
Community Member

Hi again JT and thank you for your kind response.

Yes i think you have summed up my situation right. It is the inbalance of time that i spend with my partner. I have been single for about ten years and i have no family contact. As a result my friends and especially my football friends have been basically like my family and i do credit it with holding me together at times. I have put in a lot of volunteer work there and found it very rewarding. I guess i feel like im letting people down by not being available as i once was. My relationship is important to me and it stresses me about how to balance the two. When i say she is not interested i mean that going to the footy doesnt really interest her and i dont want her to be uncomfortable about going. I just dont want to cut off my valuable friendships. I hope this makes things a bit clearer JT. Thank you and please feel free to ask any questions . Thanks again JT.

Beaser
Community Member
Hi and thanks again JT. I was just wondering if you had recieved my reply to your message. I may have replied as just a message and not used the reply box.. Thanks again Brett.

Beaser
Community Member

Thanks Sophie.

I always appreciate your replies and thoughts Brett

jtjt_4862
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Brett,

People's situation and priorities changes over time, so it's understandable if you need to trade some time between priorities and tasks. For example, I know my friends aren't as available as they once was, because majority of them have got partners and families to prioritize, but we catch up whenever our time aligns, and it's always a blast when we have a lot of things to share from the time we last see each other. If either of us needs help, we're always there for each other. If it helps eases your mind, you could speak to your friends about your situation and worries and see what their responses are? From how you mention they've been supportive in holding you together at times, I'd assume they'd be understanding of your situation, and will continue to support you even if you choose to shift more of your time towards your relationship.

I am curious to know a bit more, as you've mentioned that you're worried about letting your friends down if you're not spending enough time with them. Is it the same thought as well if you're not spending enough time with your partner? And has your partner spoke to you about wanting you to spend more time with her?

Thanks for clarifying about what you meant by not interested. Not all interests between partners have to align, but there should at least be some core interest that bonds partners together. It also depends whether this is a game breaker for you, or if you're happy to accept that in your partner.

Jt

Beaser
Community Member

Hi and thanks Jt.

I probably feel at times that ive let my friends down because i guess after so long ive spent so much time with them and suddenly i dont do that as i have other things to prioritize. I guess ive always been a people pleaser and thats not always a good thing. I think my genuine friends will be happy if they see me going well in life. And yes it does feel the same if dont spend the time with my partner that i have been . I have spoken to her about it and she says she is ok with it i guess i cant ask much more. Thanks again. Wishing you a Happy DAY .

jtjt_4862
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Brett,

That's great to hear that your partner is supportive of you, and yes your friends will be happy if they see you going well in life. Both friends and partner want what's best for us, and no matter how we decide to spend our time, the ones that really care will be supportive of our decisions.

Always happy to listen to you more Brett, hope you have a great day as well 🙂

JT

HamSolo01
Community Member

hey Beaser thanks for sharing your experiences

There are many themes here I can relate to. It sometimes feels like a spiral. Everything stacks on top of the next thing. It is so hard to navigate those moments because we have implemented a series of what ifs and 'whataboutisms'.

I don't know advice I can give or if indeed I should be given my own life experiences are unique (as are all of ours).

I just wanted to say I'm hearing you because depression and anxiety can be quite debilitating and can hold us down. I do hope you are okay