I'm anxious because my child is suffering at school

[Red753285]

Hi everyone,

I'm in a tough situation. My child has an intellectual disability and is at his local school.  His school hasn't done a good job of meeting his needs (they didn't know how) and my son now displays serious behaviour several times a day.

I can't solve the problem for them, I'm not there.  They have acknowledged that this needs to be resolved at school, and that they have a plan in place and they needed time to get it right.

But then they have threatened to suspend him if the behaviour keeps happening. I know they are happening so each day I'm just waiting to see if the school will pull the trigger on the suspension.

At the end of each day I get a notification of the behaviour he's done. It's torture for me to wait for the text, and to read that he's doing some horrendous things that either doesn't happen at home, or is easily prevented in the home setting.

I'm anxious while he's at school, and I'm anxious after school for that message. In between I'm anxious about the next day. In the middle of the night I'm anxious because I was anxious all day.

To deal with it, I'm on Agomelatine, and will have consulling sessions starting next week.

Unlike my previous GAD episode, this isn't all in my head. The stress is real and beyond my control. Just wondering how I'm meant to deal with it without getting crushed.

[blues23]

Hi red 

I’m sorry to read your situation with your son sounds really stressful, personally do you feel the school is handling the situation well? Is suspension going to help your son learn his behaviour is not ok? I’m sure your doing all you can to help your son , if you feel the school is not handling the situation well you can lodge a complaint to the dept of education you can also address the anxiety this threat of suspension is causing you if your unhappy with the school’s response. 

I personally think your doing the best you can to cope your seeking counselling & have medication to help your moods , it sounds very crushing , it sounds like you have an awful amount to deal with , I think first thing is to speak to the school directly if you feel the plan of the school is not satisfactory ( I think you should tell them anyway the impact this threat of suspension is affecting your mental health) i deal mostly with my anxiety by keeping busy , I’m having a few issues with my daughters school too they are not supportive of her and lots of bullying and don’t like that she’s too nice from their perspective so I understand how a school problem can really trigger your anxiety as we all want the best for our kids or and it’s hard when these schools can’t help ( or won’t)  or take extreme measures, 

[best_self]

I'm sorry to hear your son is at a school that isn't meeting his needs. It sounds like your school is working against rather than with you. It would be good to see if you can get everyone on the same page about helping your son rather than threatening suspension.

Make sure you have explored the options for additional help; teachers aide, allied health etc.

You may also need to accept a more involved role in resolving your son's behavioural issues. Schools are resource stretched and they don't know your child the way you do. Unfortunately you can't always just say, it's happening at school so they need to deal with it. Be prepared the practice skills at home and to guide teachers on how to handle issues in the classroom.

I've worked with children with a range of disabilities. There are always options such as going to a private school or splitting time between mainstream and special ed. But the best outcomes have always come from children with involved and engaged family who are supporting and advocating for them at every step.
Let your responsibility towards your child motivate you to manage your stress and anxiety appropriately. Keep yourself well for you and your child. The counselling sounds like a great start. Revisit those tools you have from your previous experience with GAD.

Wishing you and your child the best.