I hate school and am experiencing lots of anxiety over it including separation anxiety
I used to LOVE school and enjoys seeing my friends. I guess it helped me as my mum was a teacher there but nevertheless I really liked school.
When I started year 7 and was in high school (at my school we didn’t have middle school) everything was different with older kids and I didn’t have my mum near me. I felt isolated. I could still visit my mum at lunch which helped me to keep going.
I went to a swimming carnival and vomited from the build up of anxiety and just wanted to run away and cry in my mums arms. I had an absolutely terrible experience at camp and had to go home.
In primary school I loved the teachers and then in high school no one cared for me and I didn’t even have one connection to a teacher so I felt like I couldn’t talk to anyone. I realised a pattern forming like when I didn’t go on a excursion and vomited and cried.
One time I was sick and my mum was leaving school for have a day at 12:00 and i had so bad anxiety and separation anxiety. I ended up staying at home even though I was sick I would have gone to school.
All the time I feel like I can’t cope. I feel scared, anxious, angry and sick all the time. I cried in secret all the time. I couldn’t tell anyone but one friend who also had anxiety I didn’t want to tell my mum but i did want to see a therapist.
Thank you so much for reading this. I’d love to hear your experience and opinions. Your more then welcome to post here
Welcome to the forums. Thank you for such an honest post. You are obviously very self-aware noticing what is happening for you. That insight is great (even if it currently doesn't feel that way).
I know how hard a change from primary to high school can be. In primary school you have a single teacher to form a bond with for the year. In high school, it's harder when you are going from class to class, and never really having enough time or even 1:1 time to forge a deeper connection with your teachers. I found it quite difficult too. And it can be daunting with so many older kids, as you navigate your way from being a kid to a teenager to becoming an adult. Please know that a lot of people feel that way. You've lost the security of primary school, so it's completely understandable, as well as not having your mother around.
In regard to your anxiety, you are experiencing some really severe physical symptoms of anxiety. You're not going to like this - but the best way to combat anxiety is to talk about it. The more it stays in your head, the more the cycle of anxiety fuels itself. You get anxious about X, then you are so anxious about X that the physical symptoms occur, then the next time X occurs you are already worried before it even happens so when X does happen, your body and mind are already getting prepared for the anxiety.... and on and on it goes. And the more it stays in your own head, you start to believe it because nobody is challenging your anxious thoughts.
Do you have a counsellor at the school you could maybe talk to? Or could you speak to the Beyond Blue chat line (1300 22 4636) or web chat to get some assistance with how you could broach the subject with your mum? Then you could look at seeing a psychologist to help you through this period (if you felt comfortable).
In the meantime, here is a link to a handout of the Vicious Cycle of Anxiety: https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/~/media/CCI/Mental-Health-Professionals/Panic/Panic---Information-Sheets/Panic-Information-Sheet---03---The-Vicious-Cycle-of-Anxiety.pdf
I really rate the CCI resources, and they cover a lot of topics from anxiety, social anxiety, rumination (over thinking bad things). They might be able to help you understand your anxiety more, and give you the confidence to take the next steps of speaking with someone. You can find them here: https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself
I'd also recommend writing down your anxious thoughts - when you write it down, you can then look at it and say "what is the evidence showing me?" - to this day, my psychologist still makes me do this when anxious thoughts arise. It allows you to look at what your thoughts are telling you and why.
But, as much as it sucks, the best thing really is talking about it. I know from my own experience as a teenager that I kept a lot of stuff I was experiencing inside, and it ended up manifesting in other ways (eating disorder) in order to maintain some kind of control in my life.
It's hard, but, trust me, once you take that first leap, it starts to become easier to talk about and you can start to get a grip on the anxiety.
If the physical symptoms are concerning you, you could also speak to your GP in order to look at medication to help settle the immediate symptoms. Just something for you to consider.
I'm here if you want to chat more. Thinking of you and sending you a big virtual hug.
I had a similar experience when I was in primary school. You are not alone.
Seeing a psychologist REALLY helped me to move forward and fight my anxiety.
I'd suggest this for you if you are open to it. Maybe talk to your parents as well so you are all on the same page and you can receive support.