Health anxiety is taking over my life

[Susanna4568]

Hi everyone,

I almost feel silly typing this as I know it's probably just health anxiety but I have been really struggling recently. For the past few weeks I've had muscle twitches in my legs when lying in bed at night. Although I just want to dismiss it as anxiety, I'm worried that it's something more serious like MS or some neurodegenerative disorder; however, I'm too scared to go to the doctor about it in case my worst fears are actually true. I also worry that by going to the doctor I am just reassurance-seeking which will not be helpful for my anxiety in the long-run.

I've had some OCD-like behaviours since I was a child and so I end up being stuck in this cycle of worrying, ruminating (googling, checking to see how my body and legs feel), reassurance seeking, and then moving on to my next worry/obsession. It's so hard to find a balance between giving in to my anxiety/OCD and also making sure my physical health is okay. This is definitely one of my worst themes I've had in a while. It's all I can think about. It distracts me from my work and makes it hard to focus.

I should also mention that due to my anxiety I've had a pretty stressful few months and I'm hoping to see my psychologist soon, but I might not be able to get in to see them for a while so I have no idea what to do in the mean time.

Sorry for this long post,

Thank you!

[Sophie_M]

Dear Susanna4568, 

Thank you for your post to the forums today and for sharing with us how you are feeling right now. Health anxiety and OCD are incredibly challenging to manage and it sounds like you are doing lots of things to help support yourself on your journey to feeling more in control. We can hear that things are tough right now. It must have taken a lot of strength to share this with us butyou never know who will read this post and feel less alone in their own experience. Thank you for being brave. 

There are a few articles that might be helpful for you to check out
Types of Anxiety
What works for Anxiety?
What is OCD?

There are also some other conversations you might find interesting. Sometimes the flow of replies slow down, but hopefully this can help you feel less alone in what you are feeling - even though your expereince is unique. 
Health Anxiety - Forum Thread
Health Anxiety is ruining my life
Severe Health Anxiety

Thankyou again for joining us here on the forums and for sharing your perspective. We hope that there is something above that resonates witth you and that you find helpful. You can also call us on 1300 22 4636 anytime if you feel like talking it through. We are always here for you if you need us. 

Kind regards, 
Sophie M

[Petal22]

Hi Susanna4568,

Im sorry you are feeling this way.

I understand health anxiety is difficult I also had this condition with my OCD…. I have now recovered from this condition thanks to professional help.

Have you seeked professional help for this condition? I understand you are waiting to see a psychologist. If your anxiety is high then please see your gp and let your gp know how your anxiety is affecting your life.

I also understand you feel you are experiencing symptoms of something but are unsure if it’s just your health anxiety…. If your symptoms are persistent then yes have a doctor to look at them.

Your not alone

[yggdrasil]

Hi Susanna4568,

I think it's very understandable what you're experiencing, particularly with all the COVID drama. While I haven't experienced the same sort of health anxieties, I used to suffer from similar anxieties about strong smelling chemicals. I was terrified any strong smelling chemical was damaging my brain (even though I knew my worries were way out of proportion.)

I found two things helped me deal with these types of anxieties. First a kind of radical acceptance, that whatever state my mind and body are in, I need to accept that, as nothing will be gained by worrying. Being cautious and sensible is a good thing, but extreme anxiety about avoiding some particular illness can sometimes be much worse than the illness itself. There's an instinct toward "perfectionism" with health I think. You're physical state will never be perfect, life is just too rough.

The other thing that really helped me was exercise. There's something reassuring and empowering about gaining more control over, and changing your bodies capabilities. You can go as slow or as fast with exercise as you need. Do you have any sports or exercises you like? Is this an option for you?

Almost all exercise carries some risk of danger, and that forces you out of your head, and out of worrying about the health risks... i.e. you really need to focus on what you're doing in order to minimise the risks! There's also something reassuring about seeing how resilient your body actually is to all the minor strains and bruises etc you encounter (although this isn't an argument against being sensible and as safe as you can be with exercise!)

For example, I ride my skateboard almost every day now, and I've seen more and more older people and women at the skateparks every day. The guy at the skateshop told me he sold heaps and heaps of skateboards to health workers during COVID, because they were all looking for a way out of their heads, and a somewhat riskier sport like skating provides that as you really, really have to focus your attention on the moment to avoid falling off!

Have you ever tried something like roller skating or ice skating? While I wear a helmet and all the pads while skating (even bum pads) I still hurt myself sometimes, but the health benefits (and mental health benefits) dramatically out weigh the risks for me. I think most sports and exercise make you do a little cost benefit analysis like this, and maybe this helps put other health anxieties in perspective as well.

[Mark Z.]

Hi Susanna4568,

I had very similar experience few years ago. I had some symptoms that was similar to a lethal disease. And I was so afraid of getting checked, struggling days and nights. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, couldn't tell anyone else, often in a cold sweat, countless times in the middle of the night searched for various articles on the internet, and tried to self-diagnose, almost scared myself to death. It was the darkest period of my life, until one day I had no choice but to do the medical check (because of visa purpose). And the day before getting tested was the hardest day, every second was suffering for me.

However, at last 5 mins before the check, I suddenly figured it out - worst case scenario, if my guess is true, it is somehow kind of relief when the guess becomes fact and the only thing I can do is to face it, at least the endless guess can be ended.

So, my suggestion is, getting checked ASAP, worse case scenario, even if your guess is true, you can get the treatment earlier, which might be a very good thing.

Everything will be fine my friend.

Mark

[YorkeYorke]

Hi Susanna,

Your post is very relatable. I had health anxiety about 7 years ago combined with severe and frequent panic attacks (multiple per day). I am wanting to pass on some hope to say that I was able to move on from it with the help of a pyschologist and exposure therapy/education, however I know everyone's journey is different. I still get other anxiety but I remember how much of an impact the health anxiety had on day to day life.

I stopped going to the gym/exercise out of heart attack fears, I thought headaches were strokes, I thought other things were cancer. In time, I exposed myself to exercise again (slowly) and stacked up the evidence of all these experiences that I turned out to be fine afterwards. Slowly but surely when I felt the symptoms coming on I was able to recognise that I'd had them before and always turned out fine, and in turn stopped the panic attacks.

Breathing exercise also helped immensely with the panic attacks.

I did go to the doctor regarding my heart but once nothing was wrong I stopped going back for other things to try and break the cycle of the anxiety.

Not trying to give any advice to you, just share my story to hopefully bring some comfort and togetherness. Wishing you all the best with your own journey.

[Mishmo]

Hey Susanna, no problem is ever 'silly'... especially not here.

I too have had leg jolts and night time unsettled legs I too just put down to anxiety and my CPTSD etc... but just recently found out its due to my iron levels. I find when my irons low the jolts are worse (especially around menstral time) and when irons under control... nothing. Not saying yours is the exact same, but it could be just as simple a problem as mine?! Its so easy with anxiety to expect the worse. Trust me I prepare for it every day in everything I do. But the best thing to do is ask your GP and get some blood tests done and hopefully be able to rule out what it might be and what it definitely isn't. And if just due to your anxiety, am sure your psychologist can assist you with some ideas to calm this if its worrying you so much or your GP could help with calming meds.

Due to this leg problem I have had all my life, not knowing what it was, I have developed my coping mechanism of rocking myself to sleep, moving my legs in a rhythm that rocks me to sleep. My mum says I have been like this since I was a kid. Weird. So I am just an unsettled person in general. But thought would share my recent experience with the ease of the leg jolts since my irons being tracked by GP.

I hope you find something to ease the anxiety and the unsettled legs 🙂

[bitter_biscuit]

Hello Susanna!

Thank you for sharing your experiences, I think it's very important to talk about them to someone and I'm glad you came here 🙂

I experience very similar sensations, that all became a lot more prominent at the start of this year (where I had severe health anxiety that prevented me from doing anything in my life). I would get random heart flutters and exercise scared the hell outta me as I fear that I might have some sort of heart problem. My limbs started twitching a lot like you, and I had bouts of extreme dizziness and had multiple panic attacks throughout the year. I've had/been around some stressful health problems in the past so that definitely didn't help haha

I know it's scary, but I definitely think it's a lot better to get things checked out with your GP before your psychologist appointment, and to stop any form of googling symptoms (I used to do that and it does more harm than good). It's definitely a lot better to have a definitive answer, whatever it may be, and to face your problems head on to work out ways to deal with it, than to fear all the possibilities whilst making no progress 🙂

As for falling asleep I've found that listening to some ambient noises/ calming music/ podcasts have helped distract me from all the sensations I notice at night, so it might help you too! I would also recommend meditating before you go to sleep, you can use apps like Insight Timer, or try the free trial on Balance! Therapy is a huge benefit and I hope you find comfort in that soon.

I hope you find answers soon and just know that you are 100% not alone :)) And good luck with your psychologist appointment!