Have been working on myself for year and I still struggle with social situations

[T1278910]

I have been working hard to better myself for the last 4 years I’m 18. I had a period of time when I was 13 with OCD for about 6 months where it was so severe I went days without food occasionally and was unable to drink, eat and go to sleep well. Additionally my parents were out of work partially due to my illness. We were poor and I was sleeping in a closet, not going to school, not showering, malnourished and isolated for about 6months. It was a hard fall from what was a very successful kid. I no longer suffer from OCD, but after 4 years of almost religiously trying to heal myself I still struggle with social anxiety to a point I struggle playing low level sport, socialising, eating in front of others and going to school. I realised I had ignored my problems from when I was 13 because it’s confronting. Do I need to confront these wounds to better myself. I want to get better quickly and correctly. How do I explore my past, and I find myself blaming people and myself whenever i do, is it meaningful to understand?

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

All I can say is "wow". Such personal effort to better yourself after a harrowing period as you described is honoured by me, so thankyou.

Society has clear boundaries unfortunately. Such boundaries of "normality" automatically excludes those that even appear odd or experience unusual behaviours and such behaviours or illnesses are not the fault of the person concerned. So such expectations placed on us is tormenting and challenging, not to mention very unfair.

Have you considered- it isnt your fault, the last 4 years. that working hard is great but that level of effort can wear you down?. That experiences like yours can be overcome and never return? That you'll learn from them? That the expectations placed on you by yourself and others like sport, eating in front of others etc are indeed placing you into a normal behavioural place that you might not fit in? That it's ok not to "fit in". That- (and here is the most important point) you are you, you are wonderful, you are unique and although you dont fit within that boundary of normality, you dont have to and preferably you didnt because oyu'd be just like everyone else and from experience I'd dislike that a lot.

Exploring your past - a GP and follow up psychological or similar treatment could be a way to do this. Some however cant afford it. Until you can afford it you can write down your past issues and study them. Now we have google and you can investigate things like OCD and its effects on humans. Even financial hardship can have a devastating effect on our mental well being.

You can keep posting here. Myself and others come on here sometimes daily to answer your questions. You can use the search facility here, its wide ranging. 

BTW, a good start to all this is to not be so hard on yourself. " ignored my problems from when I was 13 because it’s confronting"... thats normal! Initially we ignore our issues as we dont have an answer for them. At 13yo nearly everyone avoids the trauma of self reflection.

So welcome again. Congratulations in seeking help and wanting to explore what is possible.

TonyWK

[Fern42]

Hi T1278910,

I just want to acknowledge how difficult the period of your life must have been when you were sleeping in a closet, not going to school, not showering and not working. It. sounds like you have overcome so much adversity in your life and I hope you are proud of yourself for that. 

Personally, I found overcoming social anxiety myself was achieved through challenging my own thoughts around socialising and putting myself into these social situations regardless of how uncomfortable I was. I found the only way to break that feeling was to consistently put myself into the situation until I didnt feel the strong pull of social anxiety as much. I still occasionally feel it in some social situations,  however it has become much easier.

This doesn't work for everyone but have you considered talking to a psychologist/counsellor? Having some support around you while you try to move through and confront these wounds may be important.