Frustrated

[jd03]

Hi all…so I’m not sure if this happens to anyone else but I keep going through phases where people (literally everyone frustrates me so much). Like I actually cannot deal with people and no matter how hard I try I get so irritated. So I have to either hold my tongue or just isolate myself which then messes with my mental health. I think this happens when I’m stressed or restricted in saying things (have something I want to say) but I really don’t know. Is this just me or does this happen to other people too? It’s very annoying because even my family frustrates me so much for no reason sometimes…although I think this may stem from my younger (and youngest) sibling being the favourite and being babied a lot. 

Anyway, any thoughts as to what this might be, and does this happen to anyone else? Just want to know that I’m not alone…suggestions for how to deal with this also appreciated. Thank you 

[Bob_22]

Hi jd03,

Thanks for your post and welcome to the forums. As you may have guessed by coming to this specific thread, being irritable is actually a very common symptom amongst those experiencing mental health issues (esp. depression and anxiety). You are certainly not alone in this. When my depression was at it's worst I would not be able to tolerate anyone (including myself) and the smallest hiccup would send me spiraling. Here is a handy resource to have a check in for your mental health and look at some first steps toward improving it. https://www.beyondblue.org.au/mental-health/mental-health-check-in-k10 

Hope this helps and please keep us updated.

Bob

[Mark Z.]

Hi jd03,

I'm sorry to hear that you're experiencing this. You're not alone in feeling this way. Many of us experience periods of frustration and irritability, particularly when we're stressed or feeling unheard. It's also common to feel like others around us, including family members, are not understanding or acknowledging our feelings, which can further contribute to our irritation.

I think your reasoning makes sense. When you're under a lot of stress, your capacity to handle even minor annoyances can be greatly reduced. This could be why you find yourself getting easily irritated with people. Try to regular self-care practices and see if it could help reduce stress and increase your tolerance for frustration. This could include anything from taking regular breaks, to exercising, to meditating or practicing mindfulness.

You mentioned that you sometimes feel restricted in saying things. This could be causing you to feel unheard and invalidated, leading to irritation. Do you think you can find a safe and appropriate way to express your thoughts and feelings? When you speak it out, it might help alleviate some of your frustration. This could be through talking with a trusted friend, family member, or a professional counselor or therapist. Alternatively, you might find it helpful to write in a journal if you feel comfortable.

And it's possible that your feelings towards your youngest sibling being "the favorite" could be adding to your general irritation. Do you think it's possible to find a chance to address these feelings directly with your parents? or with the help of a counselor or therapist, could be helpful.

Persistent feelings of irritability could be a symptom of a mental health condition, such as depression or an anxiety disorder. If it affects your daily life a lot, you need to seek professional support, you can ask your GP to create a plan and refer you to a psychologist.

I think as this moment, taking care of your own mental health is a priority. You might find it beneficial to explain to your family and close friends that you're going through a tough time, and ask for their understanding and support.

Hope everything will be better.
Mark

[therising]

Hi jd3

Sometimes I think self understanding would have to be one of the greatest challenges in life. Only when graduating through better self understanding does it feel rewarding in some way. Until we feel the rewards, self understanding can feel more like a form of torture 🙂

Made a huge difference to me when I was led to see how many facets there can be to us. If you can imagine an old style wagon wheel, there is the overall wheel (who we are as a whole), the hub or our core sense of self and all the spokes or facets that stem from that. So, the question can sometimes be 'Which spoke or facet of myself is in play?'. Being a gal who's come to better understand what I like to call 'the intolerant cow' in me, it's much easier to manage these days. On occasion I actually choose to consciously channel it, as it's a great self esteem booster under certain circumstances. I've come to discover a number of things that trigger the intolerant cow in me to come to life, such as

• becoming exhausted from way too much people pleasing for my own good
• not being listened to when I really need people to listen (if I can feel myself highly stressed or deeply depressed)
• High levels of stress with no one helping me manage challenges (especially when some of those challenges belong to others who should be stepping up in some way but can't be bothered)
• When people would much rather serve themselves rather than make changes that would serve everyone
• Feeling sorry for myself (sorrow for some part of myself that's genuinely suffering)
• Some form of injustice

and the list goes on. So, lots of triggers. The thing is there are always valid reasons for why the cow in me comes to life. Sometimes it will have a 'take no prisoners' approach towards others and sometimes it will have a calm insisting 'Mooooove it and get your act together' attitude. What it tells me, when this part of me comes to life, is that I need to become more conscious of what I'm actually tolerating or trying to tolerate. When I do become more conscious, I typically find myself saying 'I can't believe I put up with that for so long'. You could say it's a natural facet that serves many purposes.

I smile when I say I can feel that cow in me begin to come to life. It announces itself through a sense of anger. So, it's kind of like 'Okay, here it comes. I can feel it coming to life for some reason'. Then I simply observe what comes to mind. Could be 'I'm sick of you not helping me', which translates to 'I'm sick because of you not helping me. I'm feeling sick from the stress of trying to manage everything on my own. I am feeling dis-ease'. You could say our core sense of self is part observer and part manager. If our intolerant sense of self is getting way out of control, may be time to manage channeling the sage in us for a bit of wisdom in this case. May sound a bit like 'Calm down. You need to breathe. Just breathe and do not go burning any bridges right now'.

[jd03]

Thank you so much for all your support and help guys! I really appreciate it xx.

Since I finished my semester at uni, I thought my mental health would be better (because it normally is). However this time around I find that I am just constantly stressed for some reason and cannot stop overthinking (like my brain is always going at a million miles an hour). I’m not sure why this is, but it is turning me into someone I do not like at all. I know I’m a really kind and caring person at my core, but right now I just cannot tolerate anyone. And I keep saying hurtful little comments that I don’t really mean to be hurtful but I know they are, and I can’t stop doing this even though I know that I’m doing it. It’s making me feel like such a bitch to people and I really want to be a better person again but I just can’t tolerate anyone and I feel so nasty. It’s making me really uncomfortable and ultimately it’s sending me into a spiral where I dislike myself and then I say something and then I overthink what I said and then that makes me more stressed which ultimately makes me say more mean stuff.

I’m sorry for all this…just needed to rant and any more suggestions anyone has will be appreciate greatly. Thank you for your support, truly. Does anyone have any suggested mindfulness stuff? Also I’m not sure talking about my brother and being heard will help because it hasn’t in the past 😞

[Mark Z.]

Hi jd03,

I can tell it's very hard for you. Here's some of my experience that I also shared in another post:

Getting outdoors and being active has been incredibly beneficial for my wellbeing. While walking certainly has its own charm, I've found that jogging elevates the experience to another level. The feeling of pushing myself a bit more, the rhythm of my footsteps, and the rush of endorphins, the sensation of breaking a sweat, all contribute to making my mind clearer and my mood more stable. Moreover, I've noticed that my anxiety tends to diminish significantly when I incorporate daily jogging into my routine.

During the weekends, I like to venture a little further into nature, spending time hiking in forests or along the seaside. Immersing myself in these environments, absorbing the beauty of the views, breathing in the fresh air, and listening to the birds, all add an extra layer of tranquility and healing.

Just as Melbourne, my city, is full of such beautiful places to explore, I'm sure your city has its own wonderful spots. I strongly believe that physical activities like jogging or hiking in such settings can make a significant difference.

At the same time, I suggest you to call Beyondblue hotline 1300 224 636, 24/7, to get some professional guidance. Equip yourself with more professional knowledge will help you find the way out.

Hope it helps a bit.

Mark

[therising]

Hi jd03

When all the stresses in life (some obvious and some not so obvious) begin to pile up and those stresses override our calm, caring, understanding and tolerant self, what's left can sometimes appear to be the worst in us. Can be so incredibly tormenting.

What's stressful or anxiety inducing can become exhausting and in a state of exhaustion just about every tiny little thing becomes a trigger, which can cause more stress or anxiety. It's like being stuck in a cortisol induced loop that starts to pick up speed and that's something that can be seriously felt. As everything picks up speed, sometimes a literally breathtaking speed, you can suddenly become more conscious of just how much your breathing may have changed over time. When it all gets bad enough, can make you want to scream 'Would someone help me put the brakes on. Please, give me a break!'.

While I once imagined volume and frequency to be the stuff of sound, I've found they also relate to stress and anxiety. If the volume of challenges is turned up and I'm cycling through them faster and faster at a more frequent rate, it puts me into a state of mental and physical hyperactivity. Even something as simple as dealing with our inner self analyst and inner self persecutor (at the same time) can impact our ability to feel volume and frequency. While once they may have chatted away together (at us) on occasion, without us even realising, now we may be conscious of them chatting constantly

ISP 'What you said was absolutely horrible'

ISA 'It's not entirely horrible. There's gotta be a reason for it. It's so out of character'

ISP 'No, it's just straight out unreasonable and unforgivable. No excuses'

ISA 'There must be a reason. Now, what's the reason? Think, work it out, make sense of it, look for the    reason. Think goddamn it, THINK!'

Sometimes the question can come down to 'How do I reduce volume and frequency?'. I find getting everything out of my head and putting it on paper helps. It's then that I can see the volume of what I'm actually trying to manage. The list may include 'See my friend' or even 'Manage my inner dialogue' and/or 'Manage my breathing'. The next part of the challenge may be about how frequently I need to manage each thing on the list. I may see that friend only once a week when I've got plenty of time, as opposed to seeing them 3 times a week under time pressure. I may work on channeling my inner sage first thing each morning, so as to strengthen it. I may manage/meditate on regulating my breathing every time I'm on the toilet and so on. Now, life starts to look more conscious, more organised and more manageable. Of course, the most important part of any plan is flexibility. I know, all easier said than done 🙂

[Bob_22]

Hi jd03,

Thanks for the reply and update. I totally get where you're coming from regarding becoming frustrated with people. It's not because you're a bad person but simply a reflection of what's happening within your life at the moment. You can learn more about this through CBT with a professional also.

Regarding your brother, please only share what you're comfortable in sharing with us.  🙂

In terms of mindfulness there is actually some great information available on beyond blue. Here is a link to some anxiety management techniques: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/mental-health/anxiety/treatments-for-anxiety/anxiety-management-strate... 

Here is some information on relaxation strategies: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/mental-health/relaxation-exercises 

Hope that helps.

Bob