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Finally admitting to myself of my Anxiety, ptsd

cocness
Community Member

Hello, I am a woman in my 50's. I have 3 kids, who are adults, and 2 have moved out and have their own families. My ex died 19 yrs. ago and have been single ever since. Being on your own, and not putting all your energy on your children, forces oneself to deal with one's own issues. wow is all i can say for i have issues, i could write a novel. but my anxiety, and ptsd  is extreme now that i have finally made my appointment with psych to deal with my past. On top off that being flooded with repressed memories, once kiddies grew up,  i pushed back, willfully ignorant, bad memories, due to knowing at that time if i processed everything I would of broke. This forum seems like a great place to relate, now currently i am a carer for my younger adult due to mental health, but she is nearly there. 

I'll sign off for now. this is overwhelming, I wish everyone the strength to open up and not be ashamed. The hardest part for me was thinking I was alone, I know different now, but i still emotionally cut off and hide away and that has to stop now.

from alle

1 Reply 1

Croix
Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear Cocness~

Welcome here to the Forum, a good move as you can see others' experiences, and that can help.

 

First off I'd have to say that looking after kids on your own for roughly 20 years, getting 2 of them to the  stage that can leave home and still looking after one is an enormous feat. Apart from anything else I think you would admit you are not the same person you was 20 years ago. You have held things together because  you needed to and that in itself has given you some power over your PTSD and anxiety.

 

So now wiht only one left you do have the freedom to explore waht has happened to you in the past and how it has affected you, your thinking and your worries.  If the idea of this hits you all at once it can seem pretty overwhelming -even frightening.

 

My own experience has been that  I'm not the same person I was when events took place, I'm older, more experienced, know myself more,  and better able to cope. That does not mean things are a walk in the park, but it does mean they are more manageable, a bit more muted than at the time

 

If oyu are like me things will come back ,and they will be upsetting and take a lot our of you , however you are not doing it alone. Booking in to a psych is an excellent move. It is what I did and over time I'm now in a very different place and enjoy life.

 

There is no hurry, if you feel emotionally cut off now give it itme. I was like a separate person from myself (I hope that makes sense) but that has faded away. I give and receive love from a partner.

 

I also no longer need to hide and put on a mask that everything is OK. With most people my condition does not arise, and if it does I admit it briefly, and save in depth talk for my partner and my psych (who I still see).

 

Beleive me, if o can raise kids alone you can cope with this. Incidentally may I ask how you get on with them, is there anyone  you can speak frankly to?

 

I hope we talk some more, as you say - you are not alone

 

Croix