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Everything is getting too much.Dont know where to turn.Feel so sad.

Beaser
Community Member
Im starting to feel overwhelmed and like i just dont matter to people. Ive reached out to my friends and told some of my struggles. It just seems everyone is so busy in there own world though. Ive tried so hard to give back to my community and friends. I volunteer at my local football club and did seven hours behind the bar volunteering on the weekend. I felt just taken for granted and came home sad and tired. Ive seperated from my partner and wish i had of put more of my time into being with her and not worried about letting people down who i werent seeing. I just feel so sad and lonely . Why do i have to endure this pain ive been a good citizen and person all my life. I just cant get my life right . I just want to be happy again . I dont know where to turn too any more.. Brett
12 Replies 12

Sophie_M
Moderator
Moderator
Dear Beaser,

We are sorry to hear that you are struggling with connecting to your friends at the football club.

We wonder if you might be struggling with understanding about different levels of friendship?

We suspect that many of your friends at the football club are casual friends. Casual friends are those who might meet at the club, share a few drinks, maybe watch, or play, a few games together, and mainly talk about superficial things. When we are all able to be superficial, we can all appear to be happy, no matter what we may be feeling deeper down inside. Many of us use this type of connection to take a break from, and forget for a while, the deeper frustrations in our lives.

Then we have our closer friends. It is often our closer friends who we go to in order to have the deeper discussions which help us work on clearing out our deeper feelings. One good place to go to find men who might be more comfortable with having these deeper discussions is Men's Shed
https://mensshed.org
Warm regards,

Sophie M.

 

Petal22
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Brett,

Im sorry you are feeling this way.

I understand you have separated from your partner is there a chance of reconciliation?

Sometimes we feel the need to people please but really we don’t have to ………. but this is something we learn along the way.

Im sorry you are feeling sad and lonely.

Are you currently seeing a psychologist?

I understand we sometimes think why me but sometimes there is a reason we go through what we do…….

Sometimes I believe it’s a learning curve something that teaches us to think in new wonderful ways.

Sometimes when we are in the storm we come out of it a newer stronger version of ourselves.

Happiness comes from within us.

Beaser
Community Member

Hi and thank you Petal.

Thanks for you reply . Just in reply yes i am seeing a psychologist, im happy with him, as you now its very hard to get appts in at times but i see him when ever i can. So he is a good thing for me.

I think there may be chance of reconciliation but i wont her to be happy too and i dont want her to feel pressured.

I went to work yesterday so that was a start and a couple of my friends checked in yesterday so that made me feel a bit better. I think the weekend took a bit out of me and i became tired and emotional on top of everything else. Thanks again Petal i really appreciate you getting back and more than happy to talk more about things.

Brett

jtjt_4862
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Heya Brett,

Sorry to hear about your struggles. You're doing your best to get thru hard times at the moment, especially getting thru your heart break at the moment. It is a painful experience to go thru, but I'm sure you'll make it out of it alright (time heals, but it varies between people).

The thing about volunteering is, it's an act of giving without any expectations for a return. People volunteer because they have the spare capacity to do so, and would like to make the community a better place for everyone. If you need to cut back on the volunteering to focus more on yourself, there is no problems with that. Remember to put yourself and your well being first before contributing your spare time to others.

If it helps in any way, we tend to pursue happiness, but we also need to remember to learn how to deal with situations when happiness is not around. The good thing is, nothing lasts forever, and painful experiences are what makes us a better and stronger person when we get thru it. We can always learn to appreciate the happy moments when it lasts, and gain experiences from the sad moments.

Happy to listen to you more Brett. Take care of yourself!

Jt

Beaser
Community Member

Thanks Again Jt. Its always good to hear from you and you always make a lot of sense.

Your right there are times i do need to put myself first and remember i cant please everyone all the time.

I think i have looked to my volunteering to fill a void i have with loneliness and ive pushed to hard at times. Its a tough road at times for me as i miss having family and often loo to my friends. Than you JT Brett.

Petal22
Community Champion
Community Champion

That’s ok Brett.

Please remember that you are important too and you deserve time to yourself if you feel you need it.

It’s ok to say no sometimes especially when we are feeling depleted ourselves.

When we tend to people please it can take a lot out of ourselves because really we are trying to please other people and not tuning into our own needs and wants.

I think it’s nice that your friends checked in on you. 😊

Beaser
Community Member

Thanks Petal.

You are right i do need to say no sometimes and i also need to remember im 56 not 26 any more and things take a bigger toll on me these days. Today was a good example i went in to work thinking i was ok but a flu/cold is still getting on top of me. Coincidently i caught it on the weekend i have spoken about. Brett.

Petal22
Community Champion
Community Champion

Remember to look after yourself Brett, sorry to hear you have a cold.

Do something you enjoy doing for yourself even if it’s putting your feet up and watching a movie.

Its ok to look after ourselves it’s a form of self care..

Beaser
Community Member

Thank you Petal.

I appreciate you taking the time out to reply. Yeh i am just taking it easy with the feet up . Pretty gloomy weather so im keen to stay warm. I did a RATS test at least no covid showing. So many people seem to have the same thing at the moment.. Sometimes i just need to remember to slow down.. Others have told me this also.

Thanks again Brett