Does anyone else feel like this too?

[Bee1998]

Ever since I can remember, I have been extremely bothered by particular types of females while I'm in a relationship. For example. females who dress a certain way, or act a certain way (provocatively). Or even if they're not necessarily dressed provocatively, but are wearing something like tight leggings with their bum exposed through the pants, etc. I don't know if this comes from my own insecurities, or just disliking it in general, or both, but regardless, I can't stand it, and it actually makes me feel really terrible, and sometimes even angry.

I am particularly anxious as Summer is approaching, because that means half naked girls everywhere, plus I hate going to the beach with my boyfriend, because it makes me uncomfortable that he is seeing all of these half naked girls in their skimpy bikinis... to me, it feels like I'm being forced to watch my boyfriend viewing porn or something. I know that may sound silly, but it's really a big problem for me, and always has been. I'm not saying my boyfriend is doing anything wrong, because he isn't, it's the females around me which irritate me. And it's not even me thinking anything is going to happen either (in regards to infidelity) because I know it's not. Does anyone else experience the same thing? I really would like some help with this.

[blues23]

Hi Bee 

not really . People choose what they want to wear it’s not a reflection on their character. I sometimes dress in tight things I practically live in leggings ( not that I believe  or even think they show off my bum cause I don’t think that way about it they are just comfortable and I exercise heaps so they are convenient for me . ) I wear summer dresses and skirts cause I like them ( not about looking sexy or anything but just like the colours and prints and stuff)  I did have a phase in my early 30s of wanting to be sexy 🤣  which looking back was hilarious and not sexy at all way too try hard which I’m like 40 now so I don’t really care so much I just wear what I like . I don’t behave provocatively I’m quite shy and I haven’t really seen any women out and about behaving provocatively. Are these women in your life behaving in such a way or are they strangers? Like say people just on the beach ? At a bar you haven’t met ?  Or wherever you go out do u see what you believe is this “ type” and become insecure?

what makes u insecure? 

what’s your definition of behaving provocatively? And your thoughts on what is sexy attire? And what do you wear ? 

just trying to figure it out as everyone has different ideas of who they are and what they like to wear it’s usually not a reflection of who they are . People think I’m quite moody  or reserved cause I’m shy at times people have judged me on my appearance and have been wrong and admitted it and it’s been quite hurtful to have people say these types of things to me even in my teens my mother judged me and called me really disgusting things because of how I dressed and this was my  own mother . My only advice is to see the person not the clothes or the body ( sometimes people use clothes as a shield as their armour to protect  themselves or give themselves more confidence i did and still sometimes do ) 

[ecomama]

Hey Bee, I had to reread your thread starter a few times to try to understand, trying to get your POV and mine too. Separately. 

Then when I reread this "Ever since I can remember, I have been extremely bothered by particular types of females while I'm in a relationship." I think I understood more.... IDK. 

Hey blues23, my mother also did this, it's crap. I'm sorry for what she said to you back then, she was WRONG. Hugs. 

Bee, I'm not sure what triggers these thoughts and emotions for you but I know why it has done for me. 
Initially my father had an affair and left us all high and dry for that woman. Then it kept happening throughout out my own relationships (not all, but significant ones). 
Affairs have been a "theme", so seeing my partner looking at women in a more than usual way, makes me extremely uncomfortable. Triggers me. Not the women, my partner's actions. 

IDK if I can help you but I do know that I've thought alot about it for me.. I'm the same, it doesn't bother me seeing anyone skimpily clad, I don't even see them differently, when I'm alone. 

I never have issues with the women. Just my partner's reactions to them. I've even had nightmares about it. 

Then I realised that as I get older there'll be more and more women seeming to look this way, it's just the way things go through life. 

The clincher at one point was, it doesn't matter HOW good I look, what I do, who I AM, if a partner is going to do this, then that's all on him. 

Don't think I'm helping sorry! Trying to say we need to become comfortable with our surroundings or be burdened with the anxieties of our reactions. Some things are within our control and influence, some simply aren't. 

Love EM

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Bee1998….

I really am sorry you’re having these thoughts and feelings…

Yes men, boys, girls and women will look at other people, regardless of how they are clothed…unfortunately I think it’s in the nature of humans to do this….but and it’s a big but…sweet Bee, you are who he picked to be with…you’re  the one he has feelings for…and it’s more the inside, the soul that people connect to…looks are only the outer shell of a person….which can be annoying to you and maybe others as well….when it all comes down to what’s important it’s the love and care he has for who you are…your heart and soul…your personality, yes your looks, and the caring person you are….it’s all of you and who you are, all rolled up together into the perfect girlfriend for him…..Please try hard to enjoy your outings and time with him….

Please, dear Bee…comparing yourselves to others, how they dress, wear their hair, body shape and size…will wear you down and move your thoughts from enjoying yourself with your beautiful boyfriend to less important things…..and may take away that joyful feeling you have when your with him…

My kindest thoughts with my care Dear Bee..

Grandy…

[sunshine28]

Hi Bee, I'm going through the EXACT same thing - word for word, I can relate. It's a struggle. It's been a couple months since you asked this question, did you find a way to overcome this?

[Bee1998]

Hi sunshine28, 

Unfortunately I haven’t found a way to overcome this just yet. 
I have tried spiritual healing, as I believe these triggers are strongly tied to my traumatic childhood. 

How are you going with it all? If you have found any solutions, or anything that is working for you, please feel free to share! 

[sunshine28]

Thanks so much for getting back to me Bee. How did you go with spiritual healing? 
 

I definitely haven’t arrived at where I want to be, but I’m so grateful I’m not where I used to be. I’m a spiritual person too, and I’ve found that it’s really important for me to spend alone time with God everyday. I’ve also started ‘speaking life’, and saying affirmations to myself out loud everyday like “I am not an insecure person. God loves me. I know who I am in Christ. I am my own person. I follow Jesus. My happiness does not depend on other people around me. Period.” 
 

There is a helpful book called Know Your Worth by Ruth Augustine 

I don’t know if you believe in God or not but I have to give Him all the credit - my prayers, and the prayers of my friends have been changing me and my husband too. But I’m still a work in progress - I still get protective of him… I don’t want him seeing half naked girls! But I know that he doesn’t want to be seeing all of that either.