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Can't fall asleep next to boyfriend

green_s
Community Member

Hi all,

 This might seem like a bit of a silly post but it's really upsetting me so was just wondering if anyone had any advice.

I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now and have never had troubles sleeping in the same bed as him but recently I just can't. We don't live together so our routine is pretty all over the place which I know doesn't help. Now that its happened a few times I just work myself up so much about not being able to sleep next to him that I end up lying there awake all night which usually ends in tears. It's such a stupid thing to get so upset over but I think I've convinced myself that it means something much bigger like that I don't love him enough or that I'll never get over this phase. We're going on a 3 week trip soon and I'm scared I'll hardly sleep and be terrible to travel with! 

 Sorry for my ramblings! Thank you for reading! 

2 Replies 2

Doolhof
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi green-s,

So do you remember how/when this not being able to sleep business started? Do you have trouble sleeping next to him at your place or his place, or both places?

Do you feel like you do have trouble with your relationship? Have you talked with him about  not feeling comfortable sleeping next to him? If so, then what does he say?

Do you sleep well in your own bed by yourself?

When you are at his place, can you sleep in another room a couple of times and see if you sleep well then. Do you feel uncomfortable at his place for some reason?

When you are together during the day are there any times when you don't feel at ease being with him?

Maybe you could try writing out how you are feeling, write about it until you can't think of any more reasons why this is happening. Maybe you will come up with the answers if you keep thinking about it and writing how you are feeling.

I know it is easier to say than to do, but if you don't worry about it so much, then the problem won't seem so huge. The more we think about something, the bigger that thing becomes in our mind.

Has the night time routine changed in some way when you are together? Has something happened that has upset you?

I'm not sure what else to suggest! Hope you can work this one out! Not worrying about it is the best option, but difficult to do I realise!

All the best with this one. From Mrs. Dools

Kodabear
Community Member
Hi I noticed this was posted a year ago, how did you work things out? I'm having the same problem. Had no troubles sleeping with my boyfriend until a month ago. Not sure what changed. We have a spare bedroom and I sneak off to sleep in there and I have no troubles sleeping. I also have no routine so I thought it could be that, I don't work much or exercise so maybe I'm not tired? Just bought some sce ted oil to relax me, hope it works!