Anxiety issues while at work - Avoidant and scared that I will quit

[AnonymousLass]

Background: I've had anxiety and depression my entire life. Based on biological and environmental factors. I was officially diagnosed in 2013 by a psychologist and psychiatrist. At the moment I am on medication to manage my anxiety and depression and have been on the drug for over a year now.

In 2015 I quit two jobs over anxiety, in 2016 I quit a fantastic position after not even lasting a week. Now I've applied and attempted to start work again and have been for the past month and few days.
Last Friday I left work early because of building anxiety and overwhelming feelings. I went into full panic attack and cried in a stairwell for about an hour until I packed my things and left for home.
Today, I got a call at 7:55 am from my brother waking me up - I start work at 8 am. I subsequently called in sick because I couldn't face it.

I am becoming avoidant and my job is causing intense anxiety, stress and subsequently depression as an after fact of the anxiety.
I feel I am avoidant of anything that causes my anxiety to come to life and I am using drugs as a coping mechanism which has left me even more emotional, loopy, forgetful and blurry.

I saw my psychologist for the first time in a year and a half yesterday and have instructed my mother to drive me to my sessions so I don't flake and cancel last minute as I have this habit when I have to face situations I don't want to.

I am at wits end and am not in a financial situation to be able to quit work yet this idea has no deterred me from missing work days. How do I learn to cope? How do I stop the avoidance? When will this end..

[JessF]

Hello AnonymousLass, it sounds like your anxiety has flared up again considerably since starting your new job and you're looking for new ways you can cope instead of avoidance.

Living with this wretched beast your entire life, I guess you know there are no easy solutions. It is going to take some time to learn new ways of coping. It's good that you have gone back to see your psychologist and also reached out for help from Mum to make sure you get to the appointments - give yourself some credit for doing this. You're self-aware enough to know that your avoidance has sabotaged you seeking help in the past, and you've put some things in place to combat this. Well done!

So what's the next step from here? You mention drugs as a coping mechanism, I'm not sure whether you are referring to the medication you're on or some other kind of recreational drugs. It sounds like this isn't working out for you very well, you mention being on an emotional rollercoaster because of it. I would be heading back to my GP for a medication review at this point, what worked for you in a 'regular' situation might not be quite right for helping you out in a more highly triggering time, ie. when starting a new job. I have not used recreational drugs, but I have been a drinker. When I was in the worst throws of my anxiety and depression, I had to cut out drinking altogether because otherwise I had no way of telling which moods were 'real' and which were being fuelled by thr alcohol.

Could you tell us a bit more about the job you're doing? What attracted you to it in the first place? You're not doing so well at the moment, but how was it when you first started? What were the thoughts going through your head last Friday when the anxiety built up into the full panic attack?

[Raynor]

Hey Anonymous Lass and welcome - I'm new here too but unfortunately not new to anxiety and (previously but not right now) depression.

I can relate so much to the way you write about trying to avoid stress in employment situations. For me, a part of me loves to work, and I know I need to work, but certain aspects of it are just really problematic... seriously so.

I'm wondering what it is that you feel you really need now? In my experience (which may or may not be relevant to you) random days off don't help me much and are difficult for employers. Would it help if you got a medical certificate for a 2 week break to regroup, breathe and strategise how you're going to manage the particular stressors that you now know come with that job, or would that be just delaying what you need to face?

peace - Rayne

[Guest_829]

hey raynor i hope your doing better.wanted to tell you that its good reading your posts especially for someone like me whose also had anxiety issues with work but seriously love work and the routine and the whole deal,but have had incredible panic attacks on the way to work,and im not sure why but i used to get so sick on the journey to work to the piont where i'd sometimes pull over because i thought i was going to be sick.for years i never understood what was going on.and i used to have a lot of inner thoughts about my co-workers,who were the nicest people,but i imagined all kinds of things going on and coming out there mouths that werent.anyway,i still dont know how i didnt quit,because i used to think about it constantly,and taking off,just selling everything and taking off,going anywhere.stuff like that.im still not sure why i had anxiety attacks about work.im better now.i havent had any for years.recently ive started studying full time and occasionally when i'd go to week end seminars for study related meetings the anxiety attack came back with a vengance.and i dont understand it.i dont know what its caused by,or what its all about.its horrible.sounds dumb,but this time around i wasnt even aware i was experiancing an attack till a few fellow students pionted it out to me,because they differ in severity and length.you know what im trying to say i think.after i read your posts i wanted to let you know ive had attacks and ive wanted to run away from work,income,life as i know it,and had a dozen excuses,reasons,and so on.hope your feeling better and things are improving.

[metester]

Hello everyone. I am new to this forum and I must admit I wish I had participated earlier in my journey with anxiety and depression. I can empathise with the way you are feeling AnonymousLass, and how it affects one of life's most important aspects being work and what it means.

What I found helpful were both natural and medical techniques for both the immediate, short term, addressing the body's physical response to anxiety whilst I worked on the longer term methods for coping with the condition going forward.

An immediate technique I use is a controlled breathing technique. There are many examples on the net for you to research and find what works best. It works on the body's physical responses to breathing and directly affects the symptoms at that point in time. I often use it in the car or in a private moment. I'll even leave a room briefly to reset.

Another technique that has immediate/medium term effects that I had some success with, particularly at night when I couldn't sleep, was Guided Progressive Muscle Relaxation. There is an example here on the site (link below) and many others on the net. It is a form of meditation that addresses the body's physical responses and works by relaxing the muscles with the effect of calming and distracting the mind.

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/treatment-options/other-sources-of-support (look in the Relaxation Training section)

A longer term approach is mindfulness meditation. It helps with focusing on the moment and reducing negative self-talk that can often run away during moments of anxiety. Practicing it over a period of time makes it feel more natural and forms a very healthy life habit.

As others have suggested, I recommend you continue to see professionals to help with your treatment and ongoing management from a medical point of view. They can assist with medication and therapy as well as overseeing the overall plan.

Best of luck and know that you are not alone. The future can be better and it is possible to get it under control.

[Blue_Jane]

Hi AnonymousLass

How are you today? Even though you describe yourself as avoidant, doing things such as seeing your psychologist, taking medication and reaching out on this forum are all very self aware steps to get you back to being able to maintain the anxiety.

When I was in my worst stages of anxiety I found that being home made things worse for me as I had more time to think. Forcing myself to go to work made the day go quicker and distracted some of my thoughts. And once you get through the really tough days you feel proud that you made it through.

For me, regular exercise (sometimes just a walk), eating well and medication help me manage my anxiety. I have tried sooooo many things to reduce the anxiety but those three things are working for me at the moment and have done so for about 12 months.

Keen to hear from you.

[Andoson72]

Hi Anonymous lass. I too have just started a new job after resigning from a good paying job and then taking 5 months off work hoping I would heal over this time. I can relate.

unfortunately in my case the time off has put me in a financially difficult situation. I now am 4 weeks into a wonderful opportunity and broke down today and had to take half a day off sick. I don't know if I can continue. I panic all the time, worry about every word I say, my mind is all ove the place, I can't listen properly. My brain is foggy, I feel absolutely stupid, things I have done competently in the past I can't do now and this makes me feel like I am lying to my employer about my skills. I have no confidence, the drugs make things worse.

I am thinking that it would be easier if I were not around. Seriously what am I really contributing to society. Nothing, i am only taking from society and focused on me, I have no empathy and or joys. I just exist.

i wish I had some uplifting advise for you but unfortunately I don't and can totally relate to how you are feeling.

i am struggling to find help or the help takes too long. I am close to making a serious decision in my life and hope that you can turn things around and hope you aren't at the stage I am now. Once again all about me. Seriously take care of yourself. I wish you the best with your battles with these demons.

[Blue_Jane]

Hi Andoson

I just read your post. Sounds like Wednesday was a crappy day. How are you today? Taking some time off work is okay, don't feel bad about that.

What is the wonderful opportunity that you started in four weeks ago?

What are you doing this weekend?

Blue Jane