Anxiety. Confusing

[HelenM]

I ve had depression for many years ,Gradually it's become milder.  But last year I started to get brief episodes of fear.  They were easing.  But two months ago a good friend took his life.  I ve had grief, fear,  some good days. The fear is often that I lol go into a bad depression again. This time the symptoms are worse.  Mainly I mean that I can t be distracted  by anything. I'm terrified that this anxiety will become massive or put me into a bad depression.  I ve Ben told by people that  my  depression has turned to anxiety and doctors have been telling me it 's more anxiety  now.    I m so scared.  I know I have to carry on with my routine but it 's not helping.    I can tell see things getting better.  I can only imagine going through a terrible time.   Because I m not used to anxiety I Don t know how it goes.  I suppose I  got to know my depression.  I see my gp in about ten days.      If anyone can advise me I d really appreciate it.  I feel lost.   Helen

[Doolhof]

Hi Helen,

I'm sorry to read that a good friend of yours took their own life. I think suicide is a very hard thing to understand. It is so final, there is no coming back. It can affect people in many different ways.

Have you tried phoning the Beyond Blue help line or have you used the webchat? I have used both and find the people that assist me to be very helpful.

There is information here too about anxiety, you could read some of that and see what would help you. I find that the more I know about my depression, stress and Borderline Personality Disorder, the easier it is for me to deal with and understand these conditions.

Are you the sort of person who borrows books from the library? If so, then you will find some helpful books there.

Can you get in to see your Dr or any Dr in the medical centre earlier than in 10 days time? The sooner you receive more information about how to deal with anxiety, the better you will feel.

You can share more of how you are feeling here and hopefully other people will join in this thread and offer you some ideas on how to cope with and deal with anxiety.

Hopefully you will be able to learn to tell when your anxiety is causing you problems, that you will be able to control your thoughts, find ways to distract your mind and get back into a "normal" kind of life again.

You mentioned you got to know your depression, so hopefully you will be able to better understand and master your anxiety.

Maybe sharing more of how you are feeling will help you to better understand it all yourself.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[white knight]

Hi Helen

My brother passed that way in 1979, he was 27yo, I was 24. I was also at the time working as a warder in Pentridge Jail and a few weeks later an inmate died that way on my watch. I left that job. What I didn't know at the time was that I would hold guilt over that inmate demise for 15 years.

So what happened 15 years later? I had taken up poetry and was at a security point at an Army base in the middle of nowhere on my own. All night long. So I wrote a poem about this inmate and it went like this-

GREAT ESCAPE  

I locked the cell door To keep the crim inside

Didn’t really care much About why his eyes so wide

  He tapped on the trap door To test I be a phony

Pity I didn’t have a chat To sense that he be lonely

  Then in the early hours I felt a bit of a goose

For when I spy into his cell He be hangin’ by a noose.

  I locked that cell door To keep inside that crim

His only chance to escape -when I turned my back on him…  

Now the mind works in mysterious ways. I can say that instantly I was relieved of my guilt and trauma. Was my mentality eager to get over it and it needed a trigger? I presume.

But as you are going through this terrible time try to write things down. Time will heal somewhat. Mrs Dools has made a great reply too with some recommendations. Grab advice and run with it.

The problem is that this is life whether we like it or not. Life isn't easy. The ideal modern family down the road with two kids, owning their own home etc isn't real, because they all have their struggles and endure death within their family or circle of friends every few years on average. Its the coping of that trauma we have to cope with that isn't easy.

Give yourself some time, don't be hard on yourself, allow your emotions to flow and find a token to honour them by. With my brother, we had a big fight when teenagers. I used to hate him for the scar he put on my forearm. Now I treasure it.

Tony WK

[HelenM]

Hi Tony and Mrs Doors    Thank you for your posts.  That's lovely Tony,  the way you see your scar.  I write poetry sometimes and I find it very therapeutic.     Mrs Dools.  You're right.  I need to learn more about my anxiety.  Certainly the more I read and learnt about  my depression the more it helped.   Like most people I want to wave a magic wand and have everything back to normal    Helen

[Neil_1]

Hi there,

Yes, the old magical wand – and that’s the key word ain’t it “magical” or “magic” and “if only”.

But as Tony rightly says, the ideal modern family OR hells bells the ideal ‘single person’ who is quite comfy on their own, are going to experience the inevitable death – to live through it, to endure it.  And from that, it’s how we are able to cope with that is the big question or the big unknown.  Hells bells I find it bloody awful to deal with the loss of any one of our pets, and as we know, the longer we have them, the harder that gets.

Now I don’t really know where I’m going with this post, so I think I’ll just end it there – because as perhaps a number of you already know, I’ve lost 3 members of my own family (none to suicide) and each one has killed a big portion of me inside and it’s just how we live with that in the future is the hardest part.

Neil

[HelenM]

I didn't know you'd lost 3 of your family. I'm sorry about that Neil.  When I lost my lovely dog a few years ago I was so sad but she was old and was a rescue dog. We d given her a new life and I think that helped. 

[Neil_1]

Hi Helen

Really lovely hearing from you.

Losing a pet who is part of your family is another really hard thing to come to terms with.  They become integral to the family and this can be a terribly hard thing to deal with also.

We have my Mum’s little dog (she’s the cutie in the pic), who’s now 16yo and is as deaf as anything, but her personality is just beautiful.  You pick her up and have her resting in your hands – she’s so small and so very cute.

She’s fitted into our family perfectly.

Kind regards

Neil