Anxiety about the future

[ceoofoverthinking]

Hi everyone, I'm 18 years old and recently moved unis after one semester. This was mainly because the course I was doing didn't have a good reputation / wasn't academically stimulating. I did really well in high school and the HSC so it always felt like I could be learning more. 

However, I had fantastic roommates at this uni - our dynamic was great. They became almost like a new family, so my move back home was an attempt to distance myself because I thought I was getting unhealthily attached after only six months of living there.

I was also in my element socially as I'm a very extraverted, outgoing person who loves being around people, so living on campus was amazing for me as I was meeting new people every day. I never found a "group" in high school but at this uni, I made so many friends. Yet I always had this nagging feeling that it would all disappear eventually whereas a solid career would not. 

To cope with stress, I fell into some bad habits like drinking and going out really late, which I blamed on the uni and not my own actions. 

Now that I'm attending a different uni and living at home, none of those issues have disappeared. There were so many times at the old uni where I'd wake up feeling worthless. I craved being busy as well as completing a more challenging course. Now I'm doing all that - working four jobs, taking extra subjects outside of uni and only just managing the workload of my new course. But the anxiety has only gotten worse.

For a few days in a row last week, I couldn't stop crying whenever I experienced a minor inconvenience or when coming home late after a class on the train. I'm exhausted most nights when I get home due to long days and a long commute. And I've started regretting my decision to move.

I always feel like I'm thinking only about the future or what I can do now that will ensure my happiness. Not only is that exhausting, but it's also preventing me from focusing on the present. How hard is it to just think through things rationally and not catastrophize? How hard is it to just enjoy moments rather than thinking about how they are passing you by? Surely there is some kind of technique I can learn to teach myself to really, truly live in the present? 

For anyone who may have been through a similar situation, I would appreciate any advice or strategies on how to deal with this! 

Thank you! xx

[Sophie_M]

Hi ceoofoverthinking, 
 
Thank you for sharing with us here. We can hear you’ve been through some really difficult stuff and are feeling really worried about this move. We’re really glad you could come and share this here, it’s not an easy thing to do and we really admire you doing so. 
 
If you'd like to give us a call on the Beyond Blue Support Service on 1300 22 4636 to talk things through with the lovely counsellors there. A few more options are KidsHelpline on 1800 55 1800, Lifeline on 13 11 44, and Headspace on 1800 650 890. All of these options are also available through webchat, if you'd prefer:  

• Beyond Blue  
• Kids Helpline  
• Lifeline  
• Headspace (9am-1am AEST)  

Hopefully, you’ll hear from this lovely community soon. Maybe you could help them along by letting us know what kind of support you have at the moment, and if anyone around you is helpful or understanding with how you’re feeling? In the meantime, here’s some strategies you might like to have a look at it: 

• Another thread where the community have shared some strategies for managing anxiety 
• Beyond Blue Article: When your inner critic is giving you a tough time 

 
Kind regards,  
Sophie M 

[Not_Batman]

Hi ceoofoverthinking

This is a 2- parter because if character limits.

Part 1:

i wish someone had told me this when i was 18, as it would have saved me some anguish about abandonment.

People come and go. That is not to say that we shouldn't make friends or value our friendships, this is an important thing in life, but the reality is that the friends

you had in high school may not be  close friends later in life (save for maybe 1 or 2). University friendships are much different from high school friendships, because we mature.
i’ll use my sister for example. When she was at uni, she had a share house with 2 or 3 other girls all doing the same course. While they were at uni, they did a lot together, going out, studying together, holidays, that kind of stuff - the things friends do. And this kept up for maybe a year or so after uni while they were all still finding jobs and looking at moving. Come maybe a decade later, the only contact she has with her old friend group is messages on facebook, because they all have moved away, began living their own lives, making new friend groups where they are located or where they are working, families etc. But she has a whole new friendship group, with people of different ages. And it may change in another 10 years.

A close friendship now, may turn into a distant friendship later, and you become friends with a new group of people as you grow. You can try to hold on to old friends with a tight grip, or let them and yourself have other experiences. Im not saying this will definitely happen, its just how i’ve seen it.

[Not_Batman]

Hi ceoofoverthinking

Part 2:

as far as keeping yourself busy, working 4 jobs, plus uni can quickly become a burden, and will likely lead to burnout. I did 1 fulltime job during the day, and university coursework at night, plus raise kids, and i know that was tough.

 Keeping yourself occupied to try to blank out the anxieties of life will just bring more anxiety, because you arent giving you mind and body a chance to rest. You aren't dealing with the core problems. You arent allowing yourself the time to reflect, and reorganise your thoughts, and that leads to those runaway thoughts of overthinking.

give yourself time to do guided meditation each day. Learn some breathing techniques, as these can help to calm the mind and body.

The past is the past. It cannot be changed. All we can do is learn from it, so that we can make different decisions in the future. The future has not been written, so we can make decisions today to help influence our future.
Even if you make all of the right decisions today, tomorrow might be terrible, because in life, shit happens outside of our control. be kind to yourself, not critical.

when i went to school there was no teaching about resilience, and its only now that i am building that, but my kids get taught about it at school. They still get upset about things, but they bounce back quicker than i ever did.

one last thing,  in my world there is a management method called PDCA (plan-do-check-adjust) where you plan to do something with a design, the you do what you planned. After you have done what you planned then you can check to see if there were successes or failures, and if there was anything that could ve done differently. When you know that, then you can adjust the design and make it better. This can be applied to any decision or action in life.

i hope that helps. take care of yourself.

Not_Batman

[smallwolf]

Hi there.

Wouldn't it be nice to be able to think rationally. What you were talking about there relate to cognitive distortions. These are things I have talked about with my psychologist.

I am about to go to sleep as I write this and tomorrow I hope I can find my note and let you know what worked for me. It might help if you are interested? Let me know.

Regardless, know you are not alone with thinking about the future and the possibilities. 

Listening to you 

[Mark Z.]

Hi ceoofoverthinking,

Thanks for sharing your story. I can tell it's really frustrating, but you have a lot of self-awareness, which is good.

What I want to say is that enjoying the present is not in conflict with preparing for the future. You're still so young and it's never too late for you to choose what you really want to learn and who you really want to be, the decision is yours and if you think it is not your dream, go for your dream. As long as putting yourself on this right track, it'll be easier for you to enjoy the present. So, take your time and think about your choice first.

Moreover, it's very important to speak out your concerns, talk to your family and your close friends, keep yourself open and connected with your loved ones, it is very important for your mental health.

Mark

[Merry G]

Hi ceoofoverthinking,
First of all, thank you for sharing for your story. I definitely relate to your struggle with being present and fixating on the future. It has also caused me to feel immense anxiety and worthlessness.

As for advice, I found that taking care of myself physically (e.g., exercising and eating a balanced diet) helped regulate my mood. I also recommend mindfulness techniques, such as the five senses, to bring your focus to the present. I personally like to do this practice while mediating or going for a walk, but it can be done at any time. I’m not sure if these are tactics that you have tried, but I thought I’d bring them to your attention just in case. I’m also wondering if you think that you may be overloaded by your busy life. If so, I think it may be beneficial to cut back on your workload. It may allow you to reflect and address your catastrophising. It could also encourage some helpful catharsis.

I wish you all the best and please do not hesitate to get professional assistance.

Merry G