All you need is love
I have suffered from anxiety on and off since my teenage years but have always seen someone for it and have never been on medication. I am a perfectionist and over the past years, my various stresses in my work life have often sent me into short bursts of anxiety.
However I met someone about 18 months ago, we immediately hit if off and he was an amazing support to me in the early days while I dealt with work stresses. We have an amazing relationship, have lived together for 12 months and are planning a future together, including children.
2 months ago he told me he had a dream of moving to the country (we currently live in the city and I love it here). I have tried to be supportive of this, and over the past two months have tried to engage in his enthusiasm, however last week I totally broke down and couldn't even talk about it without crying.
The process of making this dream a reality has gone from a seed of an idea to talking to mortgage brokers and I feel like its all moving way too fast. We are also moving house in the next few weeks, and as I work for myself, I don't have a schedule and stability in my day to day which is making it that much harder to deal with.
On top of this, my overactive thinking is now wondering whether I love him at all (while he is at work during the day) and I tear my hair out trying to work this out, until he comes home and we spend the evenings and weekends together and I'm fine. He really is the most wonderful man who loves me very very much and he is being so supportive while I deal with this anxiety but the whole country dream continues to loom and every time he brings it up, I can't help but wonder if it is what I really want and I can make it work with more time to get used to it. The thought that I don't love him makes me even more anxious.
Am I just in a rut of anxiety where my own brain is my own worst enemy? Has anyone else questioned their own feelings while experiencing a bout of anxiety?
For me, anxiety comes hand in hand with change. I constantly second guess myself about all the what-ifs. Is it really whether you love him that is causing the anxiety? Or is it more like "what if we move to the country and it doesn't work out?" 2 months is a pretty short amount of time to wrap your head around it. Maybe tell your partner you are feeling anxious about acting on a life descision so quickly after it was made?
I've done this multiple times when purchasing land with my partner, moving cities together etc etc.
Only you know in your heart whether you love him or not, and if you do and he treats you right, it would be a shame to throw away a good thing for fear of all the "what-ifs"
I hope this message finds you.