Year 12 and toxic friends

[H-c]

Term one of year 12 is already done and I’m stressed about the atar and all that stuff. There are so many things going on and I’m on the verge of breaking down everyday. The pressure of getting a 91+ atar is getting to me. I know there are alternate pathways but i can’t for reasons. After the first assessment I burnt out and the coming assessments I didn’t do that well. And i feel like I’ve one nothing in the break and a week have passed already. How do i recover from a burn out?


Another thing is my “friends” they are another reason that’s putting the unnecessary stress. And i only have a small group of friends but sometimes i feel so alone even though I’m physically there with them. I’d have to listen to all their rants about their family and other people but whenever i wanna tell them my worries they say stuff like you think we’re not feeling the same way? And all those comments about how I’m being selfish just because i told them my worry. One of them is the worst out of the three(let’s call them C). I told C, my worry about year 12 and the hsc and she was like dont stress about it then? Like its that easy. And when I said that C was like fine you’re getting a 30 atar and all that stuff. I’m already dealing with the voices in. my head i dont need another to tell me I’m worthless, dumb and a piece of trash like i get it. And most days i dont wanna go to school or i dont want my lessons to end because of them i dont want to see their faces or talk to them. But they wont leave me alone. Whenever i stay quiet cause I’m trying to deal with my thoughts C comes and annoys me and starts to physically abuse me. I hate contact with people unless I’m really close to me i get uncomfortable when people hug me or touch me. I told C to stop touching me and C was like “ nah i bet when you get a partner you wont stop touching them (holding hands and stuff)” and when i told C to stop and yelled at them, they’re like geez someone’s in a bad mood. C tells me all her problems and when gossips about others that i don’t even know and i cant be bothered to listen to C talk about all the things they hate and whenever i ask them for advice they’re like idc and C is like oh I’m finishing the syllabus for maths and chem and all their subjects which is not helping with the fact that I’m stressing out about the upcoming year. It’s so frustrating. I know this is childish but pls help i dont think i can do this for one more year. what do i do?

[james1]

Hello H-c,

I'm sorry to hear you are struggling with the academic pressure of year 12 and also friendship problems.

It can be really scary to have that goal mark hanging over your head for a whole year - in fact, it's been hanging over the whole of school because it can feel like that's all you've been working towards all this time. The best I can suggest is to find another outlet - the worst that can happen, and which leads to burnout, is getting so trapped in the mentality of your result is all that matters at the end of this year. Put simply, that is not true - school, even year 12, is a time to develop good habits for work and for your personal life. Finding hobbies, making friends, learning which friends are good for us - these are all so much more valuable than a mark. For me, tennis was a nice outlet for when I was pretty done studying.

In terms of your friends, and C in particular... I'm sad that they treat you like that. Nobody deserves that.

Does your school have a counselling service you could go to? It might be nice to have someone to talk to in person, who understands the pressures of being in year 12.

James

[Rickdawg]

Hey, I just graduated year 12 as the class of 2020, I know how it feels to be burnt out by year 12, it is very stressful, I only got a 65 atar but early entry so it didnt affect me what I got, but it is stressful and I know how other people our age can be. It sounds like C just wants to talk about their own issues to you all the time without any regard on how you feel, sometimes it is best to just ignore your phone for a bit and do whatever else it is that makes you happy like playing games or something. Dont be so hard on yourself though because it really is stressful, especially with all the assignments but try and look at the positive side if you can, after this year, no more school ever and you can actually learn what you want to in university, rather than some boring class like English or something. Best of luck to you h-c

[H-c]

Hi James,

yes they do have a counselor but she’s pretty useless. But we get mentors for year 12 which is basically just one of our teachers.

[cabbagebus]

Hey H,

I graduated high school in 2020 (yayy :D) so maybe I can help.

Year 12 taught me that trying to get through burnout by ignoring it and continuing to study the same way only makes it worse. I was so exhausted through the first semester and after semester 1 exams I knew I had to do something about it because it was getting to be too much. During the 2 weeks of school after that, I stopped doing work at home (I tried to work mainly at school) and then I didn’t do any work on the 2 week holidays. I didn't study on any of the holidays in year 12 actually and I got a high ATAR, so don't feel bad for "doing nothing" because it's actually good for you sometimes :]

Even super dedicated people at school told be about feeling burnt out and wanting to give up, but we all got through it in the end and you will too. Year 12 won’t go on forever, it will be over sooner than you think. Once I got past the halfway point especially, for some reason, it became a lot easier.

About your friend: This may sound harsh, but you only have to put up with that person for one more year. What you’re describing doesn’t sound like a healthy friendship and I don’t think C is being a good friend. When I read “you think we’re not feeling the same way?” it stung because I heard the same thing in year 12 too and it sucks. I’m sorry your friends aren’t being more supportive.

I guess year 12 isn’t the best year to try to sort things out with your friends, and to cut C a little slack, year 12 is a hard year for everyone and she sounds stressed and hopefully after it’s over, she works on her issues. That being said, you shouldn’t have to put up with it, so if there’s any way you could try to stay away from C without it becoming a big thing would be best, I guess. She doesn’t respect your personal boundaries; she puts you down and she doesn’t seem very considerate of you or willing to do the things that you do for her, like listening to her rant. It’s not childish. What you’re describing sounds very frustrating. You sound like you’re just trying your best to get through a difficult year and your friends aren’t helping or are even making things worse.

Personally, I found talking to my dad more helpful than talking to my friends because he was removed from the situation and calm. Year 12 feels so small and stressful, but the world is big and there’s so many things you can do once it’s over. Like Rickdawg said, you can learn things you actually want to.

CB :)

[geoff]

Hello H_c, year 12 is terrible, all the information you need to try and remember for a two hour exam at the end of the year is ridiculous, however, I know it's to sort out who allowed into a career they're aiming for, but you might get 92% Atar, the course you're aiming requires a 93% Atar, then that's so disheartening.

My twin got high marks in all his subjects as his aim was to become a doctor, but only received a score in English of 49%, that 1% stopped him, how shattered he was.

I've gone way off topic, I'm sorry, but these 'friends' at school who are giving you a difficult time are most likely that you won't see them after year 12 finishes, so take their comments as though they mean they don't have any respect towards you.

You will notice a difference between 'friends and pretend friends', try and be strong enough to know.

Geoff.

[H-c]

I don’t know if I have reached to the point of no return but today while doing work for maths, I forgot i put a pen in my hair but somehow forgot about it, so when i needed that pen I couldn’t find it and started crying. Over a pen. I don’t know what to do and I’m scared I’ll start crying out of nowhere over nothing at school, in front of everyone. How do i return to normal or at least act “normal”

[geoff]

Hello H-c, there are so many things going on and I’m on the verge of breaking down every day, maths may not be your favourite subject, so you're already tense before you enter the room, who are you going to sit next to, close to the front or at the rear of the class, so you're already on edge before the class begins, so the last thought is anything but the pen.

Have you thought about contacting Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800, they are trained counsellors who consult people up to the age of 25 by phone or webchat and may provide the help you need, that doesn't mean to stop talking with us.

Many people think that if they make efforts to avoid their feelings these emotions will fade away but attempts to suppress them often make them more likely to surface.

We all have different abilities in certain subjects, but the person who knows and understands more about the topic doesn't mean they are the most popular, if you are able to contact someone to build up your confidence.

Try and prepare yourself before you enter the classroom and from what has happened try and not feel guilty you don't deserve this.

Geoff.