Where to start.

[AshLo]

It's a never ending cycle really.

I'm fairly young, and I love my parents. My mum was in a rather large accident a few years ago so I get separation anxiety when going to sleep at friends houses and leaving my mum home, not knowing if she is safe.

However, my mum is constantly putting me down. "You didn't do this right" Why didn't you do this " Why did you say this " and she jumps ahead like I would say something nasty but I wouldn't. Things like "don't tell your friends yo purchased an expensive dress" like she knows I'd never do this? My "best friend" (no longer.. I think) is always rude to me. I'll make a joke and she will tell me to stop being annoying, but someone else will make it and she will laugh. I don't have many people to speak to, who will just tell me to "stop being so dramatic" almost every time i break down in tears I can plan exactly what my mum says. It's always the same. and I'm just in this loop. there is more, but idk.

[white knight]

Hi Asklo, welcome

So sad your mum being in a big accident. Such an event can make people really moody because they are no longer capable of many of the tasks they once did. So they tend to take it out on others and you are around her a lot so you cop it.

So with your mum when she says "why this or that" ask her how she wants you to do it. By asking a question you will get to know her expectations better. If you don't know how she wants you to do something, then you will always do the wrong thing. So ask questions.

With your friend, sometimes we should expand our friends to include more friends and usually we end up with a better friend. So think carefully about doing that. It isn't nice being put down all the time but it doesn't mean others will do that. I don't think your friend is respecting you for the person you are. If that's the case- move onto better friends.

I'm glad you wrote in here and we are here every day. Regards

Tony WK

[romantic_thi3f]

Hey AshLo,

Welcome welcome and thanks for being here.

I agree with Tony WK in what he said so just going to try and go in a different direction 🙂

I'm sorry that you're struggling and going through this. It sounds like both your mum and your friend are really rude to you and it's making you upset. I totally get that this is a loop.

The thing is though, this is a negative loop. You hear these things - you get upset, and you cry. I get it, I really do, because I've been there. But these things that you hear often repeat in your head, so even though your friend might have said 'oh stop being dramatic' we can often hear these things on repeat, as if she was right there with us. Does that happen with you? It's almost like a bit of a record.

So where to start? We need to change the loop. Breaking down in tears doesn't make you dramatic. It makes you human. We all do it; whether we admit it or not. Can you imagine for a bit what might happen if you didn't care what she said? What might you think? How might you feel? What might you do?

Being able to think differently can help us feel differently. So if instead of feeling like you're dramatic, tell yourself 'hey, I'm human and I deserve to feel my feels' or 'hey, I did the right thing/best I could'. That switch in self-talk can be so powerful, even if it feels weird at first.

I'm also wondering too if your 'best' friend is really worth being your best friend? That doesn't feel like they're a great person to be around. Can you surround yourself with people who aren't going to bring you down?

I hope this helps somewhat 🙂