What's going on with me???

[UnreasonablySocialySelfCu]

I'm almost 20 years old, unemployed (not for a lack of trying) all i ever do is stay in my room, being (for the lack of a better word) nagged that i am being unsociable, watching tv, playing video games, sleeping and eating. I used to live life, hang out with my friends during school, always go somewhere, do something, i had good grades... well reasonable. I tried following my dreams, to no avail, and the fact that i am doing this for no reason angers my mum, and when it angers mum, it angers me thus repetitively asking myself "what is wrong with me" it keeps driving me back to my room, it a vicious cycle that i want to break......anybody help???

[TheSteve]

Hi mate,

Thanks for sharing your story. Sorry to hear you are going through a rough patch and trying to find your footing. Very common in a young person's life, post high school, or uni etc. I credit you for chasing a dream. Given you are only 20 years old, however, how is it that you have now given yourself no chance of achieving said dream? And even if you can't achieve this dream, you are 20 years old....plenty of time to dream anew and achieve accordingly!

Don't count yourself out so young! You have developed a bit of a rut, but just as you developed it, you can unwind it with good habits. Getting out, renewing friendships, taking part-time work or a job that may be below your target grade, but leads you somewhere. You need to re-develop momentum, and this is a process but not a particularly difficult one at your age as long as you are willing to do whatever is necessary to re-build momentum.

The transition between school and work/true adulthood is a very, very challenging one in which we will all have our ups and downs. But transition, and sometimes pain, is necessary to help you develop and prepare for the next stage. Let me suggest:

- Get a schedule going with some pals again and get out of the house

- Get an exercise routine going to skilfully use your time, help your mind, and build your body, resilience, strength, and stamina while you are at home

- Get on the right diet, something good for mind and body. Avoid booze and junk food (of course, if you are socializing then have a drink, but don't overdo it)

- Limit your time in front of the playstation

- Show your parents that you mean business, and don't engage in fruitless arguments

- Work part time, or do some work experience if you have to (no pressure, but you are building a resume and making progress). Get building your credentials!

- Study a subject you are interested in

- Take up a cause: help others, donate some time etc.

You are in need of gaining momentum and killing your rut, these are some suggestions. We are here for you mate, let's get it done!

Steve

[Zeal]

Hi, and welcome to the forum!

Steve has raised some great points in his post, and given wise advice.

I went through a time after high school when I lacked motivation and struggled to maintain a balanced life. I stayed indoors a lot and felt lost and disillusioned. I've had anxiety since I was 13, so this didn't help things once I left school. I take a while to adapt to change, and this is common for many people (especially those with anxiety). I had a severe bout of mental illness at 19, which was a wake-up call. It wasn't the ideal way to realise things had to change, but that's how it ended up being for me. I was voluntarily admitted to a hospital mental health ward. I learned a lot from the nurses there, from mental health professionals who worked in the hospital, and even from interacting with other patients. I was there for two months. I realised around that time that I wanted to help others with mental health issues in the future.

I am now in my last semester of an undergrad psychology degree at uni. I'm 23, and a bunch of people I talk to at uni are a few years younger than me, as they got started with their degree straight from high school. Though I lost a few years to mental illness, it's okay. So many people start uni as mature age students. There are plenty of people in their late twenties, thirties, forties, and even fifties wanting a career/life change. Even a small amount of students are in their sixties and seventies, and want to learn about new things once they hit retirement age.

My point is that you're still young, and it's okay for you to not have everything figured out. It sounds as though you feel pressured by your parents and are disappointed that you haven't achieved what you set out to do. If you need to talk to someone, you can call beyondblue's 24/7 helpline on 1300 22 4636. You don't need to be in dire crisis or be suffering from a specific diagnosed mental health issue to use this service. The staff answering the calls are trained professionals, and they are genuinely caring and friendly. I've called this number once before when I was getting overwhelmed by anxiety one afternoon, and found it beneficial. If you do think your mental health has worsened, it's a good idea to chat to your doctor (GP).

If you don't mind sharing, what is your dream?

I hope something I said has been helpful 🙂 Feel free to reply here, and to participate in other areas of the forum.

Best wishes,

SM

[UnreasonablySocialySelfCu]

My dream was to be an electritian, i initially found it when i was around 14, 15 year old mark, i was absolutely fasinated by computers, robotics and the components that went into them, when i was off to college i signed up for science, robotics and moderately advanced maths, i picked up a lot of knowledge in those classes, and decided to buy a radio controlled race car, thinking that I cold perhaps apply my knowledge to it, in my second year of college i signed up for an electronics class ( but before i could start i had a dramatic turn of events that, in turn, required brain surgery, but i quickly bounced back at the sacrifice of brain processing power) i enjoyed the class and decided to take it further and go to tafe, not knowing that there was/is no industry for apprentice electricians in the state where i live, i was amazingly good, but I couldn't pass the maths test without a calculator (government requirements) so i couldn't pass even if the teacher bended the rules, since then I'vebeen trying to find a casual/part time job to find my next dream or try again.

[Zeal]

Hi again,

Thanks for sharing your dream 🙂

That's awesome that you're into computers and robotics. I have always been hopeless with that sort of thing! 😛

I'm sorry to hear you needed brain surgery- that must've been a confronting experience. Did that stop you from finishing your college degree? TAFE is great for learning job-specific skills. It's a shame there aren't job opportunities for electricians in your state. That surprises me - I thought electricians would always be needed by households, businesses etc. If your dream is still to do electrical work, is there a way you could find an alternative job that is similar to being an electrician by trade? Perhaps you could get some maths coaching, so that you can try the test again.

To be honest, maths has always been a struggle for me, and technology/computational skills are not strengths either. My strengths are language-based, including reading, writing and spelling. I am alright at science if I focus, though not physics (too mathematical) or chemistry. I struggle to understand complex things involving numbers and so on.

I know very little about the industry you wish to be part of. However, my advice is to find alternative ways to do the kind of work you love and know you'll be good at. Could you see a careers advisor at your previous college, or at the TAFE centre? Could you do some online research to find contacts or mentors?

If you aren't currently studying or seeking study, you could do some casual work. There is no shame in starting out in minor roles - the training and experience is often of great benefit. You could apply for roles at supermarkets, hardware stores, cafes, the cinema etc. If you aren't shy, then this will be an advantage for customer service jobs 🙂 Play to your strengths!

All the best,

SM

[UnreasonablySocialySelfCu]

Indeed it was, i missed out on my T.C.E (tasmanian certificate of education) by 2 measly points out of 120, i am keeping my dream on the side burner by buying, testing and installing new and more powerful components on my r.c car that i mentioned.

​i have an old maths text book that i am considering having a go at to help me with my maths.

However, with the job section i am repetitively having no luck, i don't know what it is that makes potential employers go "let's not hire him" the last time i even came close to a job was 1 year ago, i missed out by a whisker, i choked on the '10 year plan' question....

I suppose i could try a different trade, one of my strengths is wood work, i made a very nice coffe table in year 12, it's made from housing framework timber, pine and black heart in the pattern of symmetry (pine, lightly dark, dark, lightly dark, pine)

But i digress, the only industry i can see is hospitality.... so essentially, unless i move to the mainland, i am wrapped diagonally around a vertical axis on an inclined plane (physics joke)

[annonymoussss]

Hi, i am in 7th grade. I have been struggling for a while and i dont feel comfortable talkiing to anyone and i want to get this off my chest.

I find myself feeling very paranoid a lot of the time (eg. waking up at midnght to check my room for intruders, jumping at little noises and having many small irrational fears) I also always feel very anxious, and i can have a few dayss where i will have a constant nervous feeling in my stomach and i am scared that my freinds dont like me and im annoying them and stuff like that. I also get very bad claustraphobia which has caused a panic attack type feeling and hyperventilation, tears and other things.Also if i am feeling stressed i start to get dizzy, feel sick start to cry and start to hyper vetilate on some occasions. i also have random moments of unnessecary tiredness, sadness and moodiness. I cant talk to new people as it makes me so scared i feel sick.

I find when i feel like this i distance myself from my froends as i feel they wont want me there. if i hear laughing from strangers behind me my immediate reaction is theyre laughing at me. I am always lonely and bored on weekends as i dont want to annoy my friends and i dont want them to hang out with me out of pity, even though i have been told by them a lot not to worry about that. What if they are lying?

I have very bad self confidence. I find my mind putting me down and telling me im too fat, too ugly and not good enough. I brush off compliments like they are lying and i cant forget about even joke insults.

As i am typing this doesnt sound like my voice and i wish it wasnt. I wish i didnt feel like this. Is this just hormones, or is it anxiety or anything? i want to know whats wrong with me 😞

xx

[Zeal]

Hey 🙂

It's a shame you missed out on your certificate, but encouraging that you're not dwelling on that and are instead working on this r.c. car!

Before job interviews, prepare as much as possible. Search online for info on the organisation, look at the qualities they want in an employee, maintain good posture and eye contact, and don't worry if you need to pause for a few moments to answer a question. Try looking through the relevant sections on this site to prepare yourself for employment: http://www.seek.com.au/career-advice/ Click on Interviews on the menu bar to get advice on handling interview anxiety, how to handle common questions, and kinds of questions to ask of employers.

You seem very talented with a variety of technical and hands-on work. Woodwork could definitely be something to look into, especially as it sounds like another area of genuine interest for you.

I am impressed you know a physics joke!
Here's a psychology one for you - how many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but the light bulb must want to change!

All the best,

SM