What do you guys do when you don't have any hope left?

[brookey]

Hi everyone, this is my first post here so I'm not really sure how to go about everything but I guess I just wanted to word vomit out some of my feelings I've been having lately. I've been having problems with depression since I was 17 (now 24), and I am starting to feel really hopeless about ever being able to lead a life where I'm not constantly plagued by feeling so terribly depressed all the time. It is a little frustrating because on the surface of my life everything is going so well. But on the inside I always feel terrible. I am currently seeing a psych and I think that has been helping somewhat, but I still am having a lot of trouble overcoming these thoughts.

I just feel like I don't matter to anyone and that my life is pointless. I feel like I'm never going to be in a relationship and that now that all my friends are coupling off I'm going to be alone forever. Obviously I know that this might not necessarily be true, and that it's probably just the depression talking, but it can still feel really overwhelming sometimes. How do you guys cope with these kinds of feelings/thoughts? I'd be so grateful if anyone had any personal experiences they could share as I'm really on struggle street trying to cope! 🙂 thank you

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[Zeal]

Hi Brookey,

Welcome to the forum! 🙂

I'm sorry to hear about your long-term depression. It's great that you do have good elements in your life, even if they are just on the surface for now. It's encouraging that you're seeing a psychologist - hopefully you will feel some relief from disclosing concerns and fears with him or her, and be able to develop some coping strategies for when you are particularly depressed.  

Feeling as though you don't have a purpose makes it difficult to feel motivated or enthused about your life. It was like this for me from about age 17 to 20. Through personal experience with mental illness, I have discovered I really want to help others. I'm now in my second year of a psychology degree. I'm hoping to do Honours and Masters, so that I can eventually become a Clinical Psychologist. However, I am worried my grades won't be quite high enough. I've decided to stop getting so worked up about this, as there are other options which would enable me to help young people with mental health problems. For instance, I could become a school counsellor.

My point is that having a purpose or passion can be a major force which, along with therapy and other strategies, could really help. It could start as something simple. For instance, you might start reading fiction novels, and then realise that you want to work or volunteer in a library.

Stay safe, and keep in contact with people who care about you, like family. If you don't live near loved ones, perhaps you could befriend a neighbour.

Try not to feel too pressured to be in a relationship. First and foremost, it's important for you to take care of yourself during this difficult time. If you meet someone though, it's worth giving a potential relationship a chance. After several dates, it would be wise to disclose the fact that you have depression to the person. This way, they are aware of it and this could be helpful for you emotionally, too. I have been with my boyfriend for just over two months, and this is my first "serious" relationship. He knows about my past mental health issues, and because he cares about me and loves me for who I am, it hasn't changed how he views me. One day you will meet someone who clicks with you, and who accepts you and loves you exactly as you are. I never thought it would happen to me, but it has.

Good luck with conquering your depression!

Best wishes,

SM

[brookey]

Hi SM. Thanks so much for your reply - I really appreciate it. You are going to probably find this amusing - I'm actually studying postgrad psych doing a PhD right now. 😛  I really love it and am so glad to have gotten into psychology as I think without it I would really struggle to keep going. That's so cool that you are currently doing psychology too. I think there can be a lot of pressure to get really good grades, and I agree that it's not the end of the world if you don't get into honours/masters. However, in saying that I think that you should definitely still consider it as an option. I definitely didn't think that I would be capable of getting into the postgrad stuff as it is so competitive (especially the interviews) but you may find that you might surprise yourself! If you are interested in clinical psychology, there are also a number of new programs that have started recently, which is awesome as it makes things a little less competitive for people who would like to get into psych. 🙂 

I think it can be really hard sometimes being in psychology, because sometimes I feel there is a bit of an expectation from others that I should have my life together. Funnily enough, it is often easier helping others than it is helping yourself! I know I will be ok in the end, and this is just a really down time for me, and I am completely aware that my thoughts are not reflective of reality but I think when you've been experiencing them for so long it can become really difficult to handle! I am really glad that I have a good psychologist who I can talk to about it, and lots of close friends who I know I can talk to when things get really bad. 

 I think what I meant about not finding any purpose in my life was more in regards to my relationships (my relationship with my parents is not the best, and I've been feeling a bit lonely since all my friends have started to get engaged/into long-term relationships). Thankyou for you kind words - I hope that one day I might meet someone but I guess in the mean time I will have to focus on the other really great aspects to my life! 

 I better stop now before I write my whole life memoir, but thanks so much for replying. You were really kind 🙂 Good luck with your journey in psychology - I am sure you will be terrific! 

 brooke 🙂

[Zeal]

Hi again Brooke 🙂

That's actually amazing that you're doing your PhD in Psych! Thanks for the words of encouragement. I am someone who tends to be hard on myself, as well as finding the unknown a bit daunting at times! If this semester I improve my grades, I know I could still be in with a chance.

I definitely agree that it is easier to give advice to others, rather than trying to engage in self-help. I have given advice on these forums that I should probably take under my belt too! I'm glad you have a good psychologist and great friends. I agree that it's hard seeing others partnering up, especially with how rampant social media is now. None of my friends are engaged or married yet though, but I think it could start next year or the year after! You have a good attitude - definitely focus on the other good aspects of your life!

Thanks for your kind words too! Kindness is something I really value, above most other things 🙂 Good luck too with your postgrad studies in psych!! I'm sure you will make a difference in the field! 😄

Best of luck!!

[brookey]

Absolutely! I will have my fingers crossed for you in the upcoming semesters 🙂 

[Zeal]

Thank you Brooke! I hope you complete your PhD with flying colours 😄

[Narniakid]

Hi brookey!

Firstly, thank you for sharing your story, and well done on coming on to the forums for advice. It is excellent that you're already seeing a professional.

The feeling of uselessness is common in depression, particularly in your age bracket. I remember feeling like that after I finished high school - everyone was off doing their things and I had no idea what I was doing with my life and it just felt so overwhelming. How I coped with it was by just throwing myself into opportunities - taking a bunch of short courses, doing lots of volunteer work, and focusing on trying new things that make me happy. Once I stopped worrying about whether or not I was going to get a boyfriend, as I too had that mindset of "I need someone in order to be happy" (which is just the depression talking), and I concentrated on my own achievements, instead of comparing them to my friends' achievements, opportunities came unexpectedly.

It's an ideal mindset, I know, but work on it with your psychologist, like I did with mine, and ask about Cognitive Thinking therapy. Keep yourself busy and focus on YOU, not the people around you. Remember the hotline is always willing to hear your thoughts.

Crystal

[brookey]

Thanks so much Crystal for taking the time to reply to me. I think it can be really helpful to hear other people's experiences of depression and how they have learnt to cope with it. That's really cool that you have done so well and that you have found a way to cope with your mental health difficulties. I hope that one day I will get to that point too!

[shad0wings]

Hi there Brookey!

I have gone through the same things myself. When I was about 18 I was diagnosed with severe chronic depression, however I've had it since i was 14. Difference was, when I was 18 I was able to voice my thoughts more clearly. I would constantly struggle because I would breakdown but at the same time would say "i have a great life I don't understand what is going on", which is like what you are saying.

You know you should be happy, but you aren't. Depression itself can be extremely confusing, simply because sometimes, it does not make sense at all! 

And about finding a partner, it will happen, and when it does, it will be awesome! I know a few people older than you and aren't with anyone, it's totally normal, you have nothing to worry about! It seems like you are a really active person, you are most likely surrounded by a lot of people, just be you - things will happen when you least expect it! 

Seeing a psychologist is one of the best things you can possibly do, you are definitely on the right track to feeling better! You are already fighting it, kudos to you!!

~ taylor

[brookey]

Hey thanks so much for your message and your kind words 🙂

Yeah hopefully things get a little better. I think it's just hard because of some things in my personal history that happened to me I am really worried about starting a physical relationship with somebody as I know that whenever I do start seeing someone new I find that aspect of a relationship quite difficult. I guess I just find it very hard to believe that someone would be willing to wait and take things slow with me, when all the guys I've gone out with have done the exact opposite. 

Sigh. I don't know. Hopefully something will work out in the end, I suppose in the mean time I've just got to keep on living my life and doing the best that I can.