I've recently started full time work, and over the last year and a bit have felt almost continuously stressed, upset and thinking I'm a failure. When I picture the future, it's hard to see past my current stresses and the idea that this career just isn't for me (either because it's not fulfilling or I'm just plain not good enough).
I have definitely felt happy in this time. I have also slowly lost interest in doing things. To some extent, despite it stressing me out, I wanted to fill my evenings with work because I wouldn't know what else to do. I'll get home, have a nap because of exhaustion, and spend the rest of my nights waiting to go to bed, often spending time in between wasting time because books, tv and other tasks don't interest me.
This has bothered me, but aside from increased stress, those are things I've experienced for periods of time before. I think with the new stresses, it's more noticeable. In the past month, I've also been plagued with frequent headaches and feel constantly irritated, which gets me down, and I find it hard to get up in the morning. The day feels like a write off from the get go. I'm also forgetful and can't concentrate (technology is a far easier occupier than conversations or tv etc)
In addition, I feel acutely aware of relationship issues I have with my family (we are quite distant). I feel extremely guilty that I'm just not a good enough family member, and that this is my doing.
I want to enjoy life, and I feel as if I'm trying very hard, but keep having a door closed on me.
I worry about going to the GP and being suggested to that I am just being lazy, or making a big deal out of nothing. I've had people who have had depression say much to the same effect.
