Unable to cope

[scarlie]

Lately i have had many issues crop up (break-up, family death, increased workload at uni etc) that i have found extremely hard to deal with and don't want people to realise that i am down and not coping so keep it bottled up. But recently i have started drinking more often and doing dumb activities that could potentially end very badly for myself but drunk me doesn't seem to care about getting hurt. I can't seem to limit the drinking when i do drink and feel trapped in my own thoughts all the time. I used to know when to stop and how to deal with negative feelings and stress but it's drowning me now. I feel like I'm doing myself more harm and embarrassing myself infront of my peers than helping myself but its the only time that i feel some happiness and stress release from everything that is going on. I don't know what to do because i feel like i am on a downward spiral.

[james1]

Hey scarlie,

I'm so sorry to hear about all the things that have happened recently. That must be so hard to deal with individually, and even harder all at the same time.

I understand why you might feel like drinking because it really can help to temporarily relieve the pain. However, as you know, it causes so many long term issues and doesn't even help relieve the pain in the long term that it really is not worth it.

So the great news, and I know it's no consolation to you, is that you are very self aware and you know at least part of what you need to do: to stop drinking.

But to make that happen, and to find a way to stop the pain some other way, is the hard part.

Can I ask if you've seen any doctors about this? Even a GP can be a good starting point to help you along the way. This isn't something you need to deal with on your own, even if you feel like you need to as you said. There are many reasons why we may want to keep things to ourselves, but it only causes us more hurt in the long run.

Sometimes it can be easier to start opening up with someone anonymous which is why I'm really glad you've come here. If you want to elaborate on anything, noone here is judgmental as we are all fellow sufferers of mental illness.

Otherwise, there are also support lines available - BeyondBlue is one (1300 22 4636).

We have quite a few younger people here who are at uni and there is a BB Social Zone which includes the "Friend's Cafe" thread. Feel free to stop by if you like 🙂

James

[scarlie]

Thank you for the reply,

I have tried to reach out to people that i know but i never want to reveal the whole truth as I'm always the happy bubbly person with everything ahead of me, but sometimes it doesn't feel that way at all and i can already begin to see people judging and faces with the look of "this girl and her first world issues" when i talk to them.

I haven't yet seen anyone as in person I begin to feel shut off and overwhelmed that i just pretend theres nothing wrong or just can't even speak. I've tried to post of things like this before but always thought that it wasn't going to help and that there were many more people out there that deserved the time of being talked to over me.

I tried to go to the doctors last year to try and speak to someone, after the referral appointment for a psychologist i was too worried to talk about everything so i canceled the appointment and tried to pretend that it would all be fine.

It's even hard on here to say how i feel and why its all happening, i feel like it has been an ongoing process that has finally hit me, with everything from years piled into one big chunk of emotions. To be honest i feel kind of pathetic about myself and who I am now.

Ill be sure to check out the friends cafe thread though. thank you for just taking the time of day to talk to me.

[geoff]

hello Scarlie, I can totally reminisce in what you are saying, but that was when I was in such deep hole, my only solitude was the alcohol, but it was one reason that cost me my marriage to my one and only g/friend, who I was so besotted with, it broke my heart.
The easiest way out is to keep all of this pain to yourself, but the worst thing to do is to hide it, only because the longer you leave this the worse it does become, with other problems just mounting up within you until finally you will explode, and this may happen in many different ways, but ways which you had wished you had never been through.
Believe me this may happen and that's not what we want to see you have to go through, because it's too easy to hide your emotions by drinking the alcohol, but your mood will change from feeling as though you are feeling happy to where it all becomes too much and you make comments which you may regret the next day.
I can't ask you to take a break from drinking, that decision is entirely up to you, but I don't think this will happen until you are feeling better in yourself, and although you maybe frightened to go and have a talk with your doctor, you shouldn't worry because these people have seen it all before, so by you going along to see them isn't going to shock them, but it will only want them to start helping you, that's their concern as it is for us to stay in contact with you.
I hope that you can trust us, because I've been through all of this myself and definitely want to talk with you. Geoff.