Think i have anxiety but can't find strength to tell anyone else

Uhuru · ‎27-07-2015

Ok so I think that I might have anxiety.I know I cannot be sure without getting a proper diagnosis but over the past year or so I have been doing more & more research into anxiety&the signs&symptoms associated with it.The way I feel has been building up for about 3 or 4 years now.It’s really hard for me to describe exactly how I feel as I have never ever spoken to anyone about these feelings.Over the past few years I have become so much more anxious about everyday activities.I dread doing tasks that I use to do with ease, I ALWAYS feel worried&uneasy, I'm always tired&find it next to impossible to concentrate.I think a lot of my anxious feelings generate from fear of other people judging everything about me.The problem is I have dug myself a very big hole over the years&now I am struggling to get out.I have hidden my feelings behind a mask to everyone in my life.They see me as this always happy girl who's kind&caring.No matter how I'm feeling, I always internalize it. Whenever someone asks me how I am or if I'm ok, I instinctively put a bright smile on my face&respond happily "yeah I'm fine!".I think it might be my body’s way of protecting itself.I wish someone knew how I felt but I just can’t bring myself to tell anyone because I fear that they wouldn’t understand&think I am overreacting as for them it would seem completely out of the blue.I have been crying myself to sleep a lot, as that’s the only time I really have alone to contemplate my feelings without others discovering me. However I find that I have been having episodes where for a short period of time (e.g. an hour or two) I feel positive & on top of things & it is in these moments that I try to convince myself that I am perfectly fine & don’t need help – moments like these make me question my sanity & who I really am.When I’m with friends & family my face is neutral on the outside but on the inside I’m screaming for help.My aunt is really worried about my cousin as she thinks he has social anxiety. She texted my mum about this & she discussed it with my brother cause his gf has depression.They were talking about how it must be so hard for him to manage with school & staying healthy. All the while I was sitting facing the wall with tears silently streaming down my face.I hate to say it but I envy my cousin cause at least people know about him & are getting him help.I am the only one who knows how I feel & I want to change that but I have built up to many walls & don’t know how to break them down.

Lori · ‎28-07-2015

Hi Uhuru,

Welcome to the forums!

I am sorry to hear that you are having a hard time trying to cope with your anxiety and with the pressure of telling your friends and family.

I was the same i struggled with Anxiety & Depression for 3years before i told my family, it isn't the easiest thing to do and can be quite daunting, but never be afraid to be yourself, you should tell your loved ones family and friends how you are truly feeling. Don't ever be ashamed to be yourself and speak the truth you need to look after yourself.

Not everyone understands mental illnesses, they dont get what you are going through they don't know how to help and how to act around you but if you let them know at least they can be aware and hopefully more supportive. It isn't easy going through it alone, the love and support you will get from loved ones cannot be underestimated your family will always be there for you.

When you are feeling uneasy or stressed just remember your deep breathing, it's always important to focus on your breathing, i would suggest looking into some relaxation skills to help calm your anxiety and release some of the stress. Excercise is always great with anxiety and even just a 20minute walk each day can help reduce it.

I can understand how horrible the feeling is when you see someone else getting help and support by your family and friends from something that you are suffering from to, it sucks! And it's more reason for you to let them in a bit, unfortunately people can't help you unless you let them in a bit.

Speaking about these sorts of things is always a great thing, you can feel all the pressure just drop. See what you can do, even if you tell them a tiny bit atleast its something and its a start. I would also suggest talking to your GP and see what they have to say and see if they can give you something or some idea's that could help. Doesn't hurt to try new things and if it doesnt help well there's always something else 🙂

You are doing a great job, don't give up hope things will get better for you. Stay strong and keep in touch 🙂

-Lori

Narniakid · ‎28-07-2015

Hi Uhuru and welcome to the forums, thank you for sharing your story with us.

It sounds like you've acknowledged and accepted the anxiety, which is the first step to recovery. Now to reach out and get help - you've done the right thing coming here. Don't be afraid to tell your parents, after all, they just want the best for you. Ask them about taking a trip to your local GP for a professional diagnosis, and they'll be able to refer you to the appropriate specialist.

I've been in your situation before, and I know how scary it is telling someone in fear of them not understanding. Perhaps get your parents to come to the GP appointment with you, and the doctor will be able to explain everything in a way they'll understand. Remember you're never alone - just look at how big this community is! There's always lots of help available to you; the 24 hour hotline, the fantastic resources on anxiety and treatments here on the website, and even special provisions and counselling at schools.

Realising it's perfectly okay to ask for help is THE most important step towards the road to recovery. Having a mental illness does not make you any less of a fantastic person, more often than not, it's just a chemical imbalance in the brain, and it can happen to anyone. Your anxiety does not define you as a person.

Please reach out to your friends, family, school or even the hotline, because nothing will change if you keep it bottled up. Remember that anxiety thrives on avoidance, and negative thoughts are just reactions to fear.

Stay strong and keep us posted!

Crystal

Uhuru · ‎28-07-2015

Thanks for your reply Lori! 🙂

I think I am going to try to talk to my school counsellor hopefully this week.

One of the problems that I am facing is that I think hiding/masking my anxiety for so long has caused me to loose sight of how I am truly feeling. When I have moments where I feel ok and positive, I try so hard to convince myself that I am perfectly fine and just confused. Yesterday evening I was feeling so down and I told myself that today I would go see my counsellor (something I have tried to work up the courage to do for ages now), however when I woke up I told myself that I was fine and that there was no reason to see anyone about it. I think it might be my way of chickening out. The constant change from feeling quite positive to very negative is making me so confused about who I am and what I am really feeling.

I really hope that I don't back out of seeing the school counsellor tomorrow.

- Uhuru

Uhuru · ‎28-07-2015

Thanks for your reply Crystal! 🙂

Your advice and support means a lot to me.

- Uhuru

romantic_thi3f · ‎29-07-2015

Hi Uhuru,

Thanks for reaching out to BB. I'm sorry that you are going through a tough time right now with anxiety and am really glad that you posted. You mentioned in your post that you have built up so many walls but don't know how to break them down - but I can see that you do because you've posted on here. Speaking up and reaching out is honestly breaking down a big wall. It can be so easy to hide behind the "I'm fine" statement and not let anyone see how you are truly feeling.

I can see from your reply too that you were so close to seeing a counsellor but decided not too at the last minute. That's okay. It takes a bit of courage to work up to seeing someone. But at the same time you don't need a reason to see a counsellor - it's okay to just want to see someone and just talk. It doesn't even have to be about the anxiety- it could just be about your family or how you're going in school. I know counsellors can seem a bit scary or hard to talk to at times, but they really can be lovely people, and I know from seeing counsellors myself that they've given me lots of techniques to help cope with anxiety, like mindfulness, helpful thinking and focusing on my breathing.

I'd encourage you to pop by again - even if you just say hi first and then work up to talking about what's on your mind.

Good luck 🙂