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Things feel surreal??

Community Member

For the past few weeks I've been feeling really down, the kind of down I feel post-break up with someone. I was seeing someone I felt very connected to- I found a solace in this person- and now we are no longer. I thought I was fine because I wasn't crying much or anything but now I know something is up because I haven't felt like seeing many people at all. I have people offering to come and keep me company because they know I'm down and yet I don't feel like seeing them at all. I almost feel panicked at the idea of it. Most of all I know something is up because I've experienced a total loss of libido. I hardly even feel like touching anyone. It's totally out of character for me- usually when I'm sad, I'll jump at the chance for someone to come and bring me food and keep me company and to like, kiss someone cute. I feel like crying and I want these people to stay away from me incase they 'want more' (romantically, sexually etc)

This morning I woke up feeling the way you do when you've broken up with someone. You know when you're laying in bed and for a few seconds you're fine because reality hasn't hit you yet? And then bam- the reality of this person being gone hits you? That's how I felt. But nothing came flooding back to 'hit me' as I was waiting for it. I'm now stuck in this inbetween feeling. Like something has significantly changed and I'm waiting for that crushing reality to come swinging. But nothing is coming. I just feel anxious. And things feel really surreal. It feels exactly how a comedown does for me. Waves of anxiety, colours feel brighter, my head and body is exhausted and sore, I can't read too much information on a screen because it makes my head hurt. I feel like I'm on drugs. It's really weird and I've never felt this way before.

anyone have any ideas what's going on????

3 Replies 3

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hey Seekparadise, welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing with us.

I am sorry to hear about your breakup. Having someone suddenly removed from your life when they were part of your regular routine is enough to mess up not only your thinking but your physical wellbeing as well.

It sounds like you're feeling a little detached from yourself, I remember feeling like that when I finished high school and lost my daily routine and most of my friends. It's a strange feeling, and very uncomfortable.

I can tell you though, it doesn't last forever. It is fantastic that you've got some friends that have already reached out to support you and spend some time with you, and I certainly encourage that, but I also think spending some more time on yourself is a key part of the healing process. Perhaps take up a hobby or do something you've always wanted to do. Do some volunteer work. Apply for a new job. Start a fitness routine. There's so much on offer, and there's nothing better than the feeling of trying something new and succeeding.

Stay positive, and remember that feelings are just temporary.


Community Member

Dear Seekparadise. You sound as though you're actually in a state of 'mourning'. That happens when we lose someone dear to us. Be it mum, dad, sibling, lover whatever. It's like a numbness which is what you're describing. Were you aware that you and partner were breaking up or was it quite unexpected, but you were relieved. Sometimes when we no longer want to be with the person, but don't know how to break up, when they take the initiative, it's a relief but still comes as a shock. Perhaps you suffer delayed shock, I would suggest you be aware of changes to your mood. If you suddenly start crying for no apparent reason, this is when the reality sets in. If this happens, you need to be able to cry, to let the grief come. Also with crying there can be relief that you are no longer in the situation. I would possibly suggest talking to your Dr about your loss of feeling, libido etc. All these feelings could return as quickly as they seemed to disappear. Be aware of any mood changes, maybe make a note of changes when you noticed them (if possible). How you feel about being alone. Grieving can cause loss of libido too.

You will know when you're ready to resume your life.

Take care. Lynda.

Community Member

Hi, I understand the feeling of changing personality after a breakup. For me, the grief process wasn't linear, I was relatively fine for the first three days or so, then it really hit, and it's been good and bad from there. It's really good you have friends that are there to be with you, but everyone reacts differently, and goes through different stages, during a breakup. You'll know when you want to see them again.

Once the reality does hit, and you do start grieving, I think putting the energy you put into your relationship into something else is a worthwhile thing to do. I started searching for future jobs and careers online which reminded me there was a future ahead, even without the relationship. Trying out a new fitness activity like riding a bike worked for me, it was really exhilarating being able to 'pedal away' from my thoughts and worries. Listening to new(Or old) music, and rediscovering old/finding new hobbies, bands, activities etc are things that might help with healing as a person.

The 'feeling on drugs' symptoms may be something you need to see a doctor about, if you don't understand the cause. It's a good idea, especially if you feel it impacts your health. Just remember, you won't stay out of character forever, just temporarily.