It's me, Oliviah, With more problems as per usual....
I was told by a lot of people that depression and anxiety can have horrible effects on relationships and such, I had also done a lot of research on it. It affects many aspects of the relationship, simply because you can't stay focused and are often low in spirits which can lead to your partner feeling unloved and unwanted, when really you can't stop it. After I read into this, I was convinced that until I get over myself and my sooky ways, I was going to block out boys/girls and anything to do with romance and such... But stupid me, stupid young me, had to fall in love. When I first knew I had fallen, I thought it was a good thing, a distraction from my depression and anxiety, like it wasn't even there. I was so freaking convinced I almost went off my medication. But then it had to happen, the inevitable. I couldn't stop it from happening, no matter what I did or do. He was no losing interest and was being distant, and I gave him distance and space. Over the weekend we barely spoke, because on Friday he had commented on another girls photo, clearly for me to see, He commented "Wow :o". I was a tad jealous and liked the comment, He later messaged me assuring me he wasn't talking to her, so I shrugged it off and gave him distance again. Later that night, one of my primary school friend spammed me, as a joke, so I repaid the favour. And it had shown up in Diuran's (The "Guy") newsfeed, he inboxed me and told me it was funny how I got offended by him liking other girls photo's but wasn't reluctant to like other guys photo's, and we had a whole argument based upon this fact, He played it out like I had done wrong, He wanted to make me feel worse then I already did, and trust me it did work. We have now stopped talking, and he continues on with his life, moving on quicker than I've ever seen someone move on. Like I was so insignificant to him, a little bump in the road, I was nothing, I am nothing. I don't even mind, I didn't even want a boyfriend, I just wanted someone to tell me I had done good. But as Bonnie Raitt sang, I can't make you love me if you don't, and it's true.
Don't ever think you need someone to depend on, You have to be your own saviour, Love yourself, be proud of yourself.
I am not saying its because of this, but I gave out love, that I didn't even have, to someone who threw it back in my face. I'm currently back at the starting line, watching everyone run passed me.
Rant Over.
