Hey all,
(brief talk about being suicidal and getting admitted to a psychiatric hospital, I won't go into detail)
This post is about the journey of my struggles of what goes on in my head. I have suffered from multiple illnesses, BPD, Pure O OCD, Social and general anxiety disorder, and an unspecified eating disorder. I have been struggling with various forms of these since I can remember. This year I am turning 23. I have no clue what I want to do with life, I was scared not knowing what I want to do. However, now I have accepted that fact and am now okay with where I am even if I don't like it. That is okay.
I have struggled with depression shame and guilt since I can recall. I constantly told myself I wasn't worth it. It wasn't worth trying and there was no point. I didn't get out of bed. I never said yes to anything as I didn't want to use any effort. Didn't want to get out of bed, shower, eat or even socialize. I changed this slowly, step by step. But not before I got to my lowest point, I was suicidal. I needed help. I got admitted to hospital, multiple times. I was safe. I learned ways to manage, to cope, to get along with life. I made friends, I learned skills, I got better. This wouldn't have been possible without my friends, family, the staff that worked with me and my determination to help myself.
I have been to multiple psychologists for the past 7 years once a week. I was a mess. I have improved, I have gained confidence, I can talk about my story, I can seek help when I need it, I can live and I can love.
This is only a brief story and I might go into more detail in more subforums.
In my own eyes, I thought it wasn't possible to improve my attitude, to improve my health. I was wrong. I am at a more comfortable weight, I have less intrusive thoughts, I can manage my anxiety and can get out of bed each day and be productive. I am human, I have flaws but that is who we are, I can't dwell on that.
If I can do this, so can you. All it takes is starting with one thing at a time if you struggle to get out of bed just start with getting out of your bed and touching your door and go back to bed. That is an improvement, not as much as you hoped but it gets better, it gets easier. You got this! One step at a time and you can conquer the world, you can conquer your mind, you can conquer the battle in your head. I believe in myself but I believe in you too. You tried your best, but you can do better next time.
From me to you, best of luck!
