Telling my parents about my anxiety??

[Emsquared]

Hi,

so I am new to this forum and to my anxiety too. I always been anxious but recently in my late teens it started to seriously effect my life to point were I am seeking help. I started an online program with mind spot and while having my first conversation with the therapist over the phone I realised this was the first time I was discussing my problems with a human being. I realised that all my friends and family didn't know that I was struggling.

This has been on my mind for a few weeks now but I have a problem. My parents are the type of people that if you fall over you get back up if you're anxious get over it and move on. Recently when first started looking into anxiety I got a couple of books about anxiety from the li ray. My mum saw these and asked why I thought I had anxiety and I explained that that I got really anxious about my schoolwork and certain events and what people think of me. And she said ' well that not really anxiety your just worrying about it too much everyone gets stressed occasionally but I wouldn't say you have anxiety'. I actually believed her but when it didn't go away and got worse I New she was wrong .This is just one of the many examples why I am scared of telling my parents about my anxiety. I am scared if I tell them they will just write it off as a bad month or tell me you just need to get out of the house or tell me just because you worry a lot doesn't mean you have an anxiety disorder.

I need to tell them, I am still on their health insurance and any GP visit I make they are going to ask about. And it not just that I hate being home because I feel like they are not seeing how lost I feel and I feel like I won't improve if I am hiding it from them

i need advice, am I in the right place?

[blondguy]

Hello Em2

Welcome to the forums and good on you for having the courage to post too!

Yes....you are in the right place Em2....no worries there. I understand your anguish with these feelings of anxiety. I started getting mine at 19....at 23 they got worse.

Even though your mum 'puts out the fire' of you trying to communicate with her, she obviously cares a great deal by trying to downplay what you are going through with your anxiety feelings.

Congrats to you for having a chat on the phone to someone from Mindspot....You have a ton of strength and are pro-active by doing so 🙂 Well done to you!

The Beyond Blue forums are a safe and secure place where you can talk to others with the same issues. No one will know whether you are in Tasmania or in the Northern Territory. Beyond Blue go to great lengths to make sure your privacy is a priority.

We are a Judgemental Free Zone too...There are many kind people on the forums that can be here for you Em2.

Just an idea if thats okay....Your medical records are strictly private and your GP knows that he cant discuss your issues with anyone...even your parents. That is your right as a patient. I am not sure if you can afford to see your GP at your own expense, but if you can that would be a great start to heal.

If I may ask you.....what symptoms of anxiety have you been experiencing? The reason I ask is so we can assist you more effectively 🙂

Age is not relevant here....your health is. I really hope you can post back!

my kind thoughts Em2...you are in the right place....that I can assure you of.

my kind thoughts

Paul

Beyond Blue have caring & qualified counselors available 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 .

[Starwolf]

Hi Emsquared, good to meet you.

Your willingness to acknowledge there is an issue and to be proactive about it is much to your credit. It does take courage. So the hurdle you are facing is frustrating to say the least.

The problem you're having with your parents is unfortunately common. Mental conditions are difficult to understand and explain...because they escape logic and reason. I guess only a proper professional diagnosis will have your loved ones pay attention instead of shrugging it off. Or course, it doesn't mean they don't love you, just that they have no understanding of what you are up against.

So the first step would be to book a long GP appointment and have an honest, open chat. Anxiety is a medical condition. It should be considered and treated as such. Just because it affects the mind doesn't mean it will disappear of its own accord. I understand you are over 16 so -in theory- don't need to inform your parents you are visiting a doctor.

Visiting a GP with their approval would of course be ideal. They would be given the opportunity to have a talk with your treating doctor. Professional diagnosis is difficult not to take seriously. They could then learn how to best support you. Armed with better understanding, I am sure they would be willing to do so. Most people don't realize there's a difference between feeling anxious and having a medical condition called Anxiety. One is a passing state of mind, the other an illness. Having your loved ones' support would make a huge difference.

If you check the Facts section, top left of this page, you will find an Anxiety checklist and general info. Perhaps sharing your test results with your parents would help convince them you need medical attention ?

Meanwhile, navigating the Young people and anxiety sections of these forums will help you connect and interact with many others in similar situations. Here you have a voice, we are listening...and hearing you.

Looking forward to reading more from you.

[Emsquared]

hi

Thank you both for your kind words I definitely feel better posting here. To give me some background i am 19 year old University student who lives many hours away from home during the school year but am currently home for the holidays.

Paul to answer your question on what symptoms i experience i can tell you it it is a vicious cycle. I can have a small worry about something like a deadline and i start to overthink it and suddenly i am extremely anxious about it cause i cant stop thinking about all the different ways it can go wrong. Or if i do or say something wrong i will think about it for days afterward.

I feel paralysed by the anxiety and will do anything to avoid it. I procrastinate a lot and get really restless and fidgety when i force myself to face the problem. And when i do face it i am a perfectionist and if i dont get something first go i spiral into anxiety attacks. And as a Uni student this means a lot of last minute assignment and not so stellar grades which makes me feel worse cause i know i can be really good. I also bad habits like grinding my teeth and fiddling.

I used to find my anxiety was exclusive to school/ university and all my teachers could see i was smart student but it just wasn't being reflected in my marks. But now it starting to pop up everywhere in my life.

thanks again guys

[blondguy]

Hi Em2

Thanks for posting back 🙂

Great news that you are feeling better after posting on the forums!

The typical anxiety about deadlines and getting anxious about the date or 'what will happen' is common as you know with many of the uni students

Procrastination combined with being a perfectionist can be a pain. I used to be a perfectionist until I learned that I had a lot further to fall when something went wrong....

I also think you are and will be capable of higher grades. Sometimes we overthink so much we hinder our own progress and screw up the direction in our life.

You are a well articulated and intelligent person that is also pro-active with their health and good on you 🙂

I hope you can see your GP (please) so you can have some support. If I may ask you Em2, have you given any thought about talking to your parents? Anxiety is very common....there is no shame......Its like a physical health issue and no different.

Either way...having a really good 'vent'/talk about how you feel will make you feel better again 🙂

You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by telling your parents...You will dump a heap of tension/anxiety by doing so. If you wish to of course Em2

thanks again for the good news

my kindest

Paul

[Starwolf]

Thank you for sharing more insight into your situation.

[Starwolf]

Sorry, cyber gremlins snatched my last post. Fingers crossed it doesn't happen again...

I'm with you, anxiety can infiltrate every area of life.

Self-image dictates most of our actions and reactions. Unrealistic expectations of ourselves make us feel we need to meet everyone else's needs and push us to perform instead of being /doing. So we flog ourselves along... Inconsistency between what we know should be right and what we can actually do becomes a huge stress factor. Stress adds to our inability to meet self-imposed standards. And so the vicious circle goes round and round...

It is out of your control now but there are things you can do to break it. Those were explained above. You have experienced yourself that -like all medical conditions- anxiety can deteriorate over time if not attended to. Trying to hide/ignore it is a usual first reaction. Because it doesn't make sense, we think we can reason it out...until it is made clear that reason doesn't come into it. The issue comes from the part of the brain responsible for the fight/flight response, not the logical part. No wonder we end up in a desperate fight against ourselves. The only thing achieved is often a sense of frustration, helplessness and fear. Not a comfortable head space to feel trapped in.

I'm an ex anxiety sufferer and can vouch for the fact that it can and will get better. You can reclaim control and peace of mind. But struggling alone in the dark will only lead to more stress. The more you can consider it as a medical condition like any other organ malfunction, the easier it will become to treat is adequately. The brain IS a body part. Regardless of its association with the mind.

Kindest thoughts.

[Emsquared]

So I thought I would let you know I told my parents today

Unfortunately I was having a bad day and spent most of the day in bed. My family thought this was odd as usually i put a brave face and pretend i am happy. Today i was sick of pretending and after some screaming and crying they knew something was really wrong.

After an hour sitting with them I finally told them and they were quite accepting. My mum seemed to understand right away and offered to set up an appointment with my GP; my dad attempted to fix me right away but after gentle scolding from my mum seemed to understand than the problem was bigger than he could handle.

I honestly feel lighter although i do feel vulnerable to my parents. I worry they are going to go overboard and i know that sounds silly cause i am getting help.

But i am almost excited to see the GP this week. Its making me feel better that I will start to get better If that makes any sense.

[blondguy]

Hello Em2

You should be very proud of yourself to be as pro-active as you have been and my congrats to you.

You have done so very well by venting to your parents 🙂

It does feel awkward and vulnerable where parents are concerned (and your dad trying to fix everything immediately 🙂 )

I am so happy that you are excited to see your GP! They can be a huge help to you!

If I can quote you Em2...."But i am almost excited to see the GP this week. Its making me feel better that I will start to get better"

To read that you already feel even a bit better is wonderful. You are an achiever at 19. I wish I was as strong as you at 19.

you are not alone here Em2

I really hope you can let us know how you are going...even if you just want a chat 🙂

Your mum is a legend by the way! Mums usually are 🙂

So very proud of you

my kindest thoughts

Paul 🙂

[Starwolf]

Your post just made my day. So thank you so much for letting us know your feet are firmly set of the road towards recovery.

There is a section at the bottom of this page about "Supporting someone". It could give your parents a few helpful guidelines. Printed info can be ordered free of charge (see the Get Support section).

And this is a useful link to copy into your browser. It is tips on discussing mental illness :

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/have-the-conversation/talk-about-it#findwords

I hope you feel proud of yourself. Taking the plunge takes courage. You are a legend and an inspiration. We'll be here for you if you need extra support along the way.

Best wishes.