Struggling with the truth

[R_C]

It's my first post, and I'm not sure if there's anything wrong with me so I might just be wasting your time. But anyway I've been going through the HSC and I've been feeling really down, the only time I'm really happy at all now is when I'm with my dog. Two of my close friends have been depressed and one recently hurt themself and is in the hospital. They are so much worse than I am so I feel like I'm a wimp or useless because I can't survive my easy life. As the title says I've been struggling with telling anyone about it, or even showing that I'm upset. I haven't told anyone or sought help up until this point because I thought I was just being selfish. I've become good at presenting a facade but my biggest fear it to be a disappointment to my family. Both my parents are really talented and so is my elder sister, but I'm not as good as them. I don't cry which is also why I thought I wasn't really depressed. Even talking about this now makes me feel like I'm wasting time. I guess I was just hoping for someone to help me communicate with my family about how I feel, and whether or not I should seek professional help.

[BlueGrass]

G'day R.C. 🙂

No, you are not wasting anyone's time, we are all here for the same basic reason...seeking some sort of support.

You are wise and brave to seek help. A lot of students struggle in senior high school/college , was the same 40 odd years ago, but at least now it is being talked about.

Try to not compare yourself, we are all individuals and handle things in different ways. Better or worse, stronger or weaker...these are not really appropriate terms.

Does your school have a chaplain or counsellor? You could try talking with them.

I never figured out how to talk with my parents, I tried, but in those days (70's) anything "emotional" was termed "bad nerves", valium was the cure of the day, and...basically one learnt to put up and shut up. I'm in my 60's and still struggling, and I do think if I'd had the opportunity to sort the issues out in my teens, I'd have had a much more contented life.

Sorry to ramble there. I'm sure someone will come on soon who can offer some suggestions regarding talking with parents, but meanwhile, hang in there.

Congratulations on reaching out. Well done. Hugs 🙂

[BlueGrass]

Hi R.C.

I did reply, but I think I might have delayed it severely by inadvertently mentioning the name of a medication ( the thinks we do in innocent oversight).

I hope they post it after deleting that one word.

The short and long of it, you are not wasting time, but seeking support, just like every other member on this site. You have made a very brave and wise decision in doing so.

Hang in there. Hugs 🙂

[R_C]

Hey, I haven't seen the other message, but I wanted to thank you for this. It really helps.

[demonblaster]

Hi RC 🙂

First up well done coming here, the first steps always hard isn't it but it does get easier after that to seek help and work on what's going on.
No you're definately not wasting anyones time, this as mentioned above is basically what everyone's here for, to talk out vent learn etc and above all there's a lot of understanding and support which here is great for.

Imo yes talk to parents, & professional help can be a good option too. I'm thinking from your post that you have a good relationship with your parents?
Holding stuff in can be quite damaging although on saying that different folks different strokes but any sort of pain, depression, stress needs to come out, talking's a good start because from there with help if the causes of the distress can be pin pointed then ways of getting through it can be worked out.

Agree also with above post that there's in itself so much pressure on schooling and exams right bang in the middle of the hard teen yrs, so much going on.

You said you don't cry, is that because you hold it back? because contrary to what from young age at school kids tease each other and say cry baby weak etc, I'm older now (not old yet but.... 🙂 and have only recently realised crying's an outlet of pain, nothing weak about it. Know about the good facade but I talk openly now too. If people understand then it's easier for everyone concerned.

Sorry your friends too suffer from depression hope the one in hospital comes through ok too, maybe they could come here as well, there's so much support and other threads what people say and how they cope there's a lot of good input & help

Not sure if you know but posts can take up to 12 hrs to come up. Also I don't always come here daily but always check my threads so will be back
btw disappointing family, dunno on that one cause I reckon everyone's good at something.
Are your or families expectations high? I'm wondering if maybe from what you said that you maybe putting too much on yourself. They're older than you so have had more time to work out what they want to do in their lives and achieve.

All best hun I'l be back

Bluegrass hi if you check your email that you use for here they tell you if the post has been edited or whatever's gunna happen 🙂

Cyaz

[geoff]

hello R.C, every post sent in is taken on it's own merits, that's why your's is just as important as everyone that is sent in.
HSC is an exhausting and very stressful time for anybody, the worry about how well you may do compared to your mates, so that creates competition causing anxiety, and with one friend who is in the hospital also adds to the pressure you are under, and not forgetting your other friend suffering from depression.
I must admit I hated that time of the year when exam time came along.
Please can I say that you're not a wimp or being self-fish in any 'stretch of the imagination' as they say, but you seem to be pulling yourself down all the time, because you can't keep hiding how you feel, it's too exhausting and eventually you will need to open up, try and do this before it gets any worse.
There is no shame what's so ever, many of us have suffered from this by feeling this way but in hindsight, we now know that we shouldn't have because there is help for you.
If you have a good r/ship with your parents then they surely would understand that it would be best for you to go and see the doctor, never ever be afraid of how you feel, because depression has the ability to creep up on you, sometimes without you even knowing about it, but please lets stop the struggle you are going through. Geoff.

[BlueGrass]

Hi RC, there were just the two posts, longer and shorter .

Hi Demonblaster....they ended up leaving it as I wrote it anyway, so all's good. Thankyou for the info , anyway, as I am new here.

hugs 🙂

[R_C]

What you sent was really helpful. I do have a great family, but everyone's expectations of me are higher than what I think I'm capable of. I don't cry because when I do I can't stop, and I'd feel I would be disappointing my family if they caught me. I guess in the grand scheme of things with my friends I feel like my problems are lesser, and I don't know what to do about it. But thanks anyway, it does help.

[MsPurple]

HI R.C and welcome to the BB forums. I love the support we can get from other users. What great advise and encouragement they have given.

I just wanted to add in you are not alone in your feelings. I always thought I wasn't good enough and that my parents may see it. My dad is a dr and my mum a nurse and growing up I had dyslexia and was kept back a grade (which I overcame and eventually went to uni, but that's a different story) and I thought that my dad would be ashamed. You know what. He couldn't care less about me being kept back a grade or anything. He loved me for who I was and for me being his sweet little girl. He doesn't love people because of their reading ability. He just wanted what was best for me and at the time he thought keeping me back a grade may help. The point of that story is you may think your parents have these expectations, but the expectations may not be theirs, but your own. I thought dad wanted/expected a PhD as a child, but he never did. You may just have such high expectations on yourself and the stress of HSC maybe adding to this. Have you talked to your parents regarding their expectations? I actually had a talk to my dad about it a few years ago and it was really good conversation. It helped bring us closer. He reassured me he was always proud and just wanted me to be happy.

Now with your mood you worry that you are not 'bad' enough to get help. I'll give you a hyperthetical. If you feel over and your ankle really hurt what would you do. You may choose to rest it for a few days, but it doesn't improve. Do you go see your doctor and discuss it with them or not? Do you worry you are wasting their time because it could be just a sprain and need time to heal? I'm guessing you would go (or if it were your friend and not yourself you would encourage them to go) to the doctor to get it checked out. The doctor will be glad you came to see them even if it turns out to be just a sprain, because if it were broken you would need a different treatment method. I think we should look at physical and mental health in the same light. If you think something could be wrong it is better to check it out. You are not waisting the dr time. They would prefer you did that so that if there is something up they can put you in the right direction for good mental health. Would you consider talking to your GP about this? Or seeing your school counsellor?

MP

[MsPurple]

Also in your first post you mentioned your friends were depressed and one had to go to hospital. I'm sorry your friend is unwell. I just wanted to add that we should (try) never compare ourselves to others, especially comparing mental health. Everyone deals with mental health and stress differently. Some people may have the same illness but it presents in different ways (e.g. some depressed people maybe sad all the time and others may feel numb all the time). We need to try focus on ourselves and improving our own mental health (even those without a mental illness can always improve their mental health too) and not comparing to others. Comparing ourselves to others will only hold ourselves back and can cause us to feel guilty. Remember mental illness does not discriminate. Any gender, sexuality, age can be affected.