Struggling to cope without friends

[Knope]

Hey everyone, Im new here, hope I got the right forum 🙂

Im 19, just finished my first year at uni and since graduating high school Ive gradually lost all my friends, nothing bad happened, it was just a matter of drifting apart. Im still friendly when I see them, but it is rare that I ever see them, let alone talk to them. The only time we catch up is when something is organised with a big group, in which they are the people Id probably be with. I never hang out with anyone one on one or even in a small group. I also am no longer apart of any group chats, I know it sounds silly but I used to really love my group chats, they were entertaining and made me laugh and it was great having people to talk to, even though the conversations werent deep and meaningful. On top of that I dont really ever chat to anyone about anything unless I have a question. I dont even get tagged in memes anymore 😞

Ive been pretty lonely all my life, always had a pretty big social life but was never close enough to anyone that I would talk to them about anything (just to add, I get along really well with my parents but we arent emotionally close). This is different tho, not only am I still lonely but Im legitimately alone and socially deprived

My old group of friends still hang out together and I go between being upset that Im not invited, and accepting the fact that if they actually cared about me and enjoyed my presence, they would invite me and that I deserve friends who want to hang out with me, is that stupid?

I also had no luck of making any new friends this year, I had friends in my uni classes but those friendships remained within class. I no longer play any team sports and Im not apart of any groups. I dont really have any hobbies but I wouldnt mind playing a sport or joining something, I just don't know how to go about this, especially on my own

I have some other minor issues going on in my life that are made more difficult with a lack of social support. I think seeking professional help would be ideal but Im not sure if this is possible to do using my insurance to subsidise the cost without my parents knowing (I don't want them to worry, I know my parents love and care about me but its not something Id discuss with them)

I know there are bigger problems in the world and most other aspects of my life are alright but this has started to effect my everyday life, my day consists of either being distracted or being really upset, any advice is greatly appreciated 🙂

[BballJ]

Hi Knope,

Firstly, welcome to the forums. You have found the right place to post.

I related to your post on a few levels in the fact that when I finished high school all the friends I had, I never heard from at all. Didn't get invited anywhere or anything, I was forced to find new friends. I still struggle to this day with proper friendships, I have a few select friends these days but I get left out quite a bit. I just want you to know you are not alone in these feelings and finding friends is never easy. You said you want to do something to meet new people but said you do not have any hobbies, it is never too late to start a new hobby, individual sports can be good, something like golf or even boxing. Something where you can meet people doing like minded things and use that as common ground to bond.

The feelings you have of loneliness, they are real and they should be addressed, I know you do not want to worry your parents but maybe speaking to them isn't a bad thing because you can get their support and that can help a lot, I remember telling mine about my mental health battles, I was so scared to tell them but I was glad I did because they were so supportive. You do not have to but was just a thought. Speak to your GP about what you options are for costs and they should be able to guide you.

Please, post back as much as you like, we are always happy to talk.

My best for you,

Jay

[GLOBAL_VII]

Hi Knope,

I just finished my first year of uni too, and I definitely understand how the social transition from high school has its problems. I lost contact with a couple of people who I thought were close, but I also realised that if they weren't willing to put the effort in to be a good friend, then they weren't worth my time and honestly I feel better after ditching some of the negative things (or people) holding me back. So don't worry you aren't stupid when you say you deserve friends that want to spend time with you!

Making new friends is daunting for for many people like you and I, but I've found its better not to overthink it, and just take little steps to engage with other people just as a starting point. For example at uni one day I held the door open for someone as we left class, made a comment about the upcoming assignment we had and we struck up a conversation. She introduced me to a few other people she had met from classes and now I've been good friends with them all for months. It's a scary thing to do but looking back it seems so trivial like I made a big deal over nothing. If you already have friends in classes that's a good start, maybe engage with them a little further and see if you can build a stronger friendship outside of class.

What I've realised is that in high school you're friends with people because you're with them everyday and you have to make the best out of the situation you're in. But at uni, the people you meet are studying the same things as you, so they are likeminded and more or less have similar passions/interests. My uni friends have helped me grow as a person and I feel more comfortable being myself around them than I ever did in high school.

I hope this helps you battle the loneliness you've been feeling and take the leap towards socially confident and making good friends.

[Knope]

Thanks Jay! Its super comforting when you realise that you're not alone and that people are happy to listen, certainly helps 🙂

I think ill definitely take up your advice of finding a new hobbie, I already run quite a bit but its something I enjoy doing alone so its difficult to meet people through that but I reckon ill look into other, more social, activities

In terms of my parents, I agree that their support would be helpful, so I might try approach it in a way that doesn't give too much information and make them worry

Thanks once again your advice is much appreciated 🙂

[Knope]

Thank you for your advice, greatly appreciated! I definitely see the potential for making really great friends through uni due to fact that we share similar interests and passions like you said, just a matter of connecting with the right people I guess

I think now that uni is no longer an unfamiliar environment to me ill be able to engage more with others next year and ill take your advice on board of taking small steps 🙂