so done

[Pale]

Hi y'all,

I'm struggling with school, like a lot. I'm really behind. I'm in year 10 and I can't see myself graduating, or um living long enough to graduate. I feel like there's no point in any of my subjects or school in general and right now it's all I'm doing with my life. As soon as some motivation comes to do my best it is gone almost instantly and I'm left tired and depressed. I'm getting help and support from my school and psychologists but I feel so isolated and like no one actually understands how sad I am and how much I'm so done with life at this point.

I also have only two environments: my house where my mum is constantly pressuring me and there is no way to escape from my family or other people, and school. Each day seems to mold into each other. I can't drive or get away to study somewhere else because I'm only 14. I'm too far behind at school to have time for hobbies. My mum would never let me go to a friend's house or anything.

Sorry this is pretty poorly written lol I just wanted to talk.

[Skary Bill]

Hiya Pale. Good idea coming and talking about it. Fair warning, my reply is probably going to ramble on a bit... lol

It sounds like you're really ready for a bit of a win. Most of what you're talking about is big picture stuff, and when you're in the middle of it all, looking up at such big challenges, it's going to look daunting for sure.I wonder if breaking things down into smaller challenges might be of value to your morale.

I've got a couple of suggestions, based on how I deal with my mum and manage my study enthusiasm. Firstly, make sure your mum is getting plenty of hugs. And tell her, you love her and thanks for caring. They're like magic words.. We all know it's true, but sometimes we go a long time without saying them. Be sure to tell her how you're feeling and what you need help with. You might find her to be your strongest ally.

As for the study thing. I took the advice of an old Army drill Sgt, and cleaned up my room lol. Yeah, I know that sounds cliche.. But whad'ya know, it actually worked for me. Specifically I make sure to make my bed in the morning, and I got a box and just took everything off the desk where I study. It's like in a chaotic world, you create this space that is ordered and ready for you to take care of business.. Now when things get messy in my work/living space I actually feel a bit Grrr.. And my productivity drops or ends. I don't know how good the bed thing is, but the cat sure likes it.

Anyway, I hope something in there works for you too.. It's great that you care about doing well, and if you keep putting that energy into things, you will achieve your goals. Don't forget it's only Feb. You've got time to work with here. Wishing you the best, and I hope you come back and tell us how things are going.

Take care,

Bill.

[Nurse_Jenn]

Hi Pale,

Welcome to the beyondblue forum. It is super great that you are posting on here even if it is just to download some thoughts and feelings you are having. The pressure of school can be really tough especially when you are getting pressure to be successful at home too. It sounds as though you have some good supports in place such as your psychologist and the school counsellor. I wonder if you have told them how sad you are feeling? It is always difficult to open up about these kinds of feelings as it can make you feel vulnerable.

I hope that you find someone that you trust that you can talk with about your sadness and that you are feeling like not being here is an option. This type of thinking is common and can be really scary but you can get through this and feel better again. Using the beyondblue forum is a great place to realise that so many others are also thinking this way. You are not alone. I encourage you to reach out about your thinking of not wanting to be around and your sadness as soon as possible. The earlier you get help, the faster you can recover. Are you able to talk with you psychologist on Monday about your how sad you are feeling or even talk to your mum tonight?

You are already on a great path by having some support around you but I wonder if you are setting specific goals for yourself with your psychologist or your school counsellor. And I don't mean goals on what you are 'suppose' to do ie. catch up with your school. I mean setting goals that are meaningful to you such as not feeling sad, sleeping better, feeling less isolated, connecting with other friends, finding a hobby etc. There are many other really important things (as well as your school work) that are needed have a good balance in life.

There is a really great service called the Kids Help Line where you can talk to someone on the phone about how you are feeling at any time of the day or night. This can help you get through some tough moments. The number is 1800 55 1800. Another option might be to ask your mum or psychologist to take you to your local headspace centre (if there is one in your community) and see if there are any social inclusion groups that you can attend where you can connect with other people who might be having a hard time as well.

Finally, if you have a talk with your mum about your feelings she may be able to work with you to find the best solution so you can feel safe.

Wishing you the best possible outcome,

Nurse Jenn

[smallwolf]

Hi Pale,

Welcome to beyond blue.

I like the ideas in the previous posts - so make sure you read and reflect on these.

High school can be both the best and worst of times. A family that lived across the road from me had one daughter who was smart, and the other was not so smart. The smarter one was pressured re Uni and did not make it. Myself, I wanted to get to Uni but my TE score (in the 1980s) was not good enough to get into my desired course. Instead I went to TAFE, and used that to get into Uni.

The other thing is this, and I am not saying that your mum is not pressuring you, but I would also put a lot of pressure on myself as well. Which is not very helpful.

Have you been able to talk to your parents about how you are feeling? I know these conversations are hard, but once done, from my own experience it feels like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. And if not your mum, then talk to a relative or school counselor? I am nearly 50, and it was only recently that I have worked out that allowing yourself to be vulnerable is an act of courage, and not of weakness. So if you can talk to someone?

You are not alone.

Peace,

Tim

PS. You could also try an app like smiling mind which could help you stop worrying about the future or how far behind you think you are, which will allow you to do what needs to be done and a balanced like or school, study, hobbies etc.

[Summer Rose]

Hi Pale

I wrote to you last night but for some reason the post hasn't appeared. It could have been a technical issue. It also could have been something I said, which caught the moderators attention. In any event I am going to try again.

I know how hard high school is for your right now. I understand the sense of hopelessness. This is because I supported my daughter who really struggled in high school due to a mental health condition called OCD, which developed for her in year 8.

What I have learned--and what I want you to know--is that school's can offer a great deal of flexibility to struggling students with mental health conditions. In my daughter's case, we worked with school to develop a tailored educational program. This meant that she was able to take less subjects than her non-OCD peers.

Reducing the work load, reduced the stress and anxiety and this gave her the opportunity to do well in the subjects she did take and work on improving her mental health. Rest assured all the other kids are choosing subjects and programs that are best for them, so it's okay for you to do the same.

My daughter was able to graduate and go on to university. It can be done, Pale. But I believe you have to do it your way.

How would you feel about speaking with school about an individual program for this year? Maybe if you were only expected to manage and pass the key subjects, you could harness your motivation, catch-up and enjoy some success. You may also be able to apply for an aide who could work with you one-on-one during your spares a couple of times a week. My daughter found this extra support really helpful, particularly with organisation, maintaining focus and emotional support.

I wish you every success and I will be here if you want to continue talking. Kind thoughts to you