/Sigh

[warri0r]

Hi, I'm a newbie here, but most definitely not new to the perils of depression, OCD and social anxiety.

I've had depression for many years, probably since year 7 (so 2005), OCD since (2008-09) and social anxiety for the past 3 years (so 2012). It's been manageable (my OCD) and I've never missed a day of school, or work because of it. But only recently, has it begun to cause such issues. This year alone, I've probably had 10 days off because of my OCD/depression, two of which were breakdowns to the point where leaving the house caused me a lot of pain, tears and screaming. There have been times where my OCD (My OCD is checking locks, fridges, doors, electrical sockets, taps, etc) has caused me to just cry and not be able to leave because of the stress. I avoid a lot of things in regards to it. For instance; not using the heater in the morning, avoiding using taps if possible, not wanting to cook breakfast - opening the fridge, using an electrical socket, using the stove, etc.  But it's only come to such difficulty this year. In the past few it's been manageable, along with my Social Anxiety mostly because of cigarettes, alcohol and pure avoidance. I was officially diagnosed at the end of May, but I've only gone to see a psychologist booked in for Saturday. 

I have a partner, who does his best to 'understand' and 'help', but it's very unhelpful when you tell someone what's wrong, and they go 'dunno' or 'i don't know', or they get angry at you because you're upset and you genuinely do not know what's wrong. He hasn't experienced any of the above, so he has no real concept, so I don't blame him for not knowing. He does get upset when he can't fix it, but getting angry at me really doesn't help anything. His friends all know about my SA, and that I need to be comfortable with them before meeting them, yet none seem to really want to put in the effort, and he really doesn't try and support me in that decision, or even explaining anything to them. It hurts that he doesn't really care, and that he just lets them be arrogant and rude to me, while expecting me to deal with that on top of everything else.  

I need help in how to a) help myself with all that's going on, b) give my partner some tips on how to help me without resorting to medication, alcohol and cigarettes. Thank you in advance - and apologies if I managed to bore you 🙂

[morgs29]

Hi Warri0r,

Welcome to the forums and thanks so much for reaching out. I'm so sorry to hear about the troubles you are experiencing.

I also suffer with depression and anxiety, as well as OCD. I haven't experienced OCD to the degree you have, but I can certainly relate and empathise with you. It can be so difficult at times. I'm sorry to hear you don't feel as though your partner is very supportive during these difficult periods. It can be really hard for others to 'get' what we are going through, especially if they haven't experienced it for themselves.

I think what's really important at this stage is doing what's best for you. Perhaps let your partner know how you feel when they don't support you through these difficult times. Can you think of any other key people in your life you trust enough to reach out to?

I would also really encourage you to access a psychologist or counsellor. I have found them immensely helpful when going through particularly hard times with my mental health. Have a think about what things are good for you and nourish you when you're in your darkest moments. Is it music? reading? walking? meditating? Only you will know what works for you. Try some things and see what happens.

Remember, there is also the online chat function and helpline on the beyondblue website if you need to talk. There is lots of support out there, it's just a matter of finding what works for you 🙂

Take care,

Morgan

[Narniakid]

Hi warri0r, welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing with us.

I am sorry to hear of your troubles, but it's great that you've booked in an appointment with a psychologist - they will be able to help you with your thinking habits and give you some pointers. Have you considered medication as a treatment? While it's not for everyone, it's definitely an option to consider. Talk to your GP and your psychologist about some treatment options.

My partner is similar to yours in that he cares about my anxiety, but does not make much of an effort with his friends. I think it is because he does not understand what I am going through, despite my explanations, and so I try to not let it get to me as I know he does not mean to be like he is, and that he does care about me, he just doesn't know how to deal with it and he doesn't want to take on my anxiety as his own, which is important.

What I suggest you do is to have a read of the resources here on the website and also give the hotline a call for some advice. We are always willing to listen and do our best to guide you in the right direction. Stay strong!

Crystal

[shad0wings]

Hi Warri0r!

Glad you've come to beyondblue for advice! We're all here to listen and help you out as much as we can.. and no you're not boring us at all!!!

Just putting it out there... i love your username by the way, because you are a warrior! You persevere and remain strong all the time! I know that a lot of people unfortunately do not recognise how strong of an individual you are... But trust me everyone here at BeyondBlue does and i'm sure your partner does too! 

A tip i would recommend is looking on the net for information booklets and things about social anxiety, OCD, depression, or any of the health conditions you want your partner to understand. This BeyondBlue website has a lot of information available, there are specific booklets that are made for partners/parents. These are made for exactly what your partner may be going through, just a simple.. lack of knowledge. It will help put things in perspective for them and that will help you explain. Even have a look at things you can say to your partner that will make them understand easier. Because I have no doubt they are just as confused as you are sometimes.

I'm sure all he wants is the best for you. He may be angry because he feels helpless that you're feeling so sad and he can't do anything about it.

You have to talk to him and tell him what you need from him. Talk to him about his friends and how you feel. Tell him exactly what you have posted here if that makes it easier. Sit down with yourself and write down points you are most concerned about. (not too many though because they might get overwhelmed). 

You are an amazing person, don't ever doubt that! 

~ Taylor