Self conscious about body and full depression cause of it

[Broncies_18]

I don't if anyone here can give me advice on this issue but I just don't know what do and run out of options of what to do mentally. I have suffered from anxiety and depression on and off throughout last year and I'm 18 so it has been a really struggle since finishing school. It was depression then health anxiety laced over that for a period of about 6-7 months and was never ending. But in the last couple of months it's been about my body noticeabley my man hood. Now if this is an inappropriate topic of conversation than I understand if people don't reply but I just have no idea what to do right now.

I am still virgin through choice (don't want a one night thing) but my concern is with my man hood that it will turn girls off because it isn't exactly the best thing to look at as it is prominently curved and very obvious which for me has only been a concern recently and a lot of embarrassment and anxiety and led to a depressed mood about it as I have no idea what to do at the moment. I see my mates running around doing whatever with anyone and I kind of feel left out as I feel embarrassed and when I'm around girls I'm fine and all but can never get further because I feel so ashamed and embarrassed about my genitalia that I start to think will it ever happen for me and when it does what will the girl think when she sees a very prominent curve and in turn be a massive turn off.

Complelty understand if this topic is inappropriate but I really need a bit of advice or guidance as to what I can do cause I feel like apart from uni I wasting my teen years due to my insecurity and just am fed up and frustrated with it.

[To_be_FREE]

Hey I dont think this topic is inappropriate, the same way that someone doesn't want to make love because they are self conscious about their weight. But the reality is, when you do fall in love and decide to take that step then actually it really all works out. Because you are physically and emotionally attracted to that person. If you are in a situation where you think that it would be impossible because of the shape you can see a doctor about it - trust me - they are used to it. But they will be able to clarify for you those types of concerns.

It kind of sounds like you are lonely and perhaps you see sex as a was not to be lonely? Sex will not make you feel more fulfilled I dont believe.

I think we all at some stage feel really uncomfortable about something on our body but when you find someone who loves the whole package it seems to work out I think.

Sorry couldn't be more help

Take care

🙂

[Broncies_18]

Cheers for the reply, wouldn't say I'm lonely as I have heaps of mates guys and chicks but the best step is kind of nerve racking I mean I did have a thing a couple of months ago but backed out cause I got scared. I mean I'm to ashamed to tell my parents for fear of embarrassment. I don't think this would make sex impossible but would be uncomfortable but hell I wouldn't know it's just a girl seeing which is what I stress and worry over.

[To_be_FREE]

Can I just say as someone that has worked in the medical and education field for many years - its actually really common, not unusual at all 🙂

If you have a close relationship with your dad maybe talk to him because chances are his is like yours!

All the best 🙂

[Zeal]

Hey Broncies 18,

Welcome to the forum!

You talked about a personal topic with tact, so you did well. To be frank, I don't think women will be turned off by the shape. It is clear though that the physical appearance is causing you distress and anxiety, and is preventing you from feeling comfortable progressing in a relationship when you want to.
It is best to see your doctor, as this could help ease your mind. Making a long doctor's appointment soon would be wise. This way, you could discuss the sexual concerns as well as your mental health. It must have been tough to deal with both depression and anxiety in Year 12. Did you seek any help during that time? Did you feel comfortable talking to your parents about some of your struggles last year? It's important that you do talk to your doctor about your mental health as well as your physical health.

You seem to lean towards the more traditional and secure relationship progression, where you get to know someone well and get physically close by kissing and cuddling first, before sex. This is the way I approach relationships too. I'm a 24 year old female by the way. I didn't have my first kiss until I was 19, and my first boyfriend was at 21. My current (second-ever) relationship is with my boyfriend of almost two years. We love each other a lot, and I can be completely myself with him. The point I'm trying to make is that it's best to do things at your own pace, rather than compare your own experience with that of others. Someone's life can look quite different from the outside.

I hope something I've said has been helpful. If you want to talk further, you can post back here any time 🙂

Best wishes,

Zeal

[geoff]

hi Broncies, what you have said is a topic that needs to be spoken about, you have said it in a manner of decorum, so please don't worry, because your replies have been good.
The only g/friend I had turned out to be my wife for 25 years, and when you are love with someone, does anything matter, no it doesn't, she wouldn't have dropped me because of my genitalia nor I would have done the same to her, it wouldn't matter, because love is more powerful it conquers anything together.
We both knew that we had some downfalls, and I'm talking about genitalia, that didn't mean anything and it didn't matter whether I had long, short, curved one, and it didn't matter whether she was small breasted or large breasted because love was the more important connection.
You mustn't think about what you are saying if a girl comes up to you and wants to kiss you and then a powerful love connection begins, then nothing matters at all. Geoff.

[Broncies_18]

Thanks zeal

I struggled this throughout the last two years and got up the guts to tell my parents last year after a long time of keeping it in and was a massive weight lifted off my shoulders but I think this is a real psychological battle for me as I'm always thinking the worst possible situation will happen as with most things but they never happen so I'm still holding hope this is no big deal

[Broncies_18]

Thanks for the replies, should I start seeing this as a positive in the sense that I am unique is some sort of way and not like everyone else as this mindset as put me at ease today and I feel that if I can keep this mindset then I can sort my mental issue side of it. Let me know what you guys think.

Cheers

[Zeal]

Hey Bronchies,

I am so glad you summoned the courage to talk to your parents last year. You are unique, and this is a great mindset to have. If your doctor says you're biologically healthy, there is no need for concern.

Let us know how you go with seeking help. Even though you seem to be working through the insecurity, it's still important to check-in with your doctor.

Best wishes,

Zeal

[h12]

Hi Broncies 18, I totally understand what you're saying and have a lot of respect for you for being brave enough to post on the forums about it, and also tell your parents. Not many people could do that.

I'm a 22 year old guy and have much the same issues as what you talk about. It's certainly a tough world out there in regards to body image standards/the competitive culture surrounding masculinity. I've had hardly any sexual experience and constantly struggle with thinking about how other guys seem to have access to it so easily all the time. And like you, I'm scared that at some point in the future if I do ever get to meet a girl and be in such a situation, I will be judged negatively for my body. I guess the core positive message I can give you is that I believe all long lasting, genuine relationships are built on way way more than just one person's impression of their partner's body - and these relationships happen all the time around the world, so if that's what you want, then I'd suggest that for someone as thoughtful and brave as you it's only a short matter of time before you find a partner who respects you as a whole person.

That said, maybe you are really exaggerating in your own mind how abnormal your body is - it might actually be incredibly common but you wouldn't really know. And if I girl really judges you badly just because of the shape of your body, then I think that represents a very narrow and disrespectful view and they wouldn't be someone you'd like to be around.

All the best - Hugh