School vs chores

[capap]

Hi everyone,

I'm currently in year 11. I'm a good student and I work really hard to achieve my best. I'm also aiming to get a university scholarship at the end of year 12, so I'm also involved in a few competitions and extra-curriculars that I enjoy, but also to increase my scholarship chances. There's also a casual job on top of this. So I have a lot on my plate and can barely manage with all the homework I have as well.

My parents are divorced, and I spend most of my time with my mum. I have no siblings, and she's currently not seeing anyone, so it's just the two of us. I'm expected to do many chores around the house, which I try to do, but I find it really hard to help in the weeks when I'm really busy. Sometimes my mum understands, but the other day we had a huge argument where she said I needed to pull my weight in this house, and that she can't do everything alone. I feel really guilty for not helping more, but I find it hard to fit into my busy schedule. She believes chores should come before school, which I strongly disagree with. But the fact there's no one else to help her means a lot of it falls on me. We've had this same argument many times, and I feel we've reached a breaking point. I've tried making to-do lists to organise my time better but I end up curled up on the couch not wanting to do anything because I can't cope.

I really value my schooling but I also want to help my mum. Does anyone have any advice on what I should do?

[BballJ]

Hi capap,

Firstly, welcome to the forums.

It is a tricky one to give advice on because I can understand why your mum wants help around the house. It is great that you are working so hard at school and already have some goals set out for your future, I think that is great maturity by yourself in that part.

As far as what you are asking advice on, I know you have tried to do lists but I find they can be a little intimidating when you see the amount of stuff you have to do which can sometimes cause you to curl up and just not do anything. Maybe a schedule is required and something that may have to be worked out with between your mum and yourself where each week you write down the 7 day schedule and write in when you have work or extra circular stuff for school and then I guess sort of come to an agreement with your mum when you can do chores and what she would like done, for example on Wednesday you wash the dishes and fold the clothes and Thursday you may have school then work. I think that helps gives you some clarity and also your mum on when she can expect things to be done.

I think the main thing is working with your mum to work it out.

My best for you,

Jay

[Vegetarian Marshmallow]

Maybe you two could put in together to get a cleaner once a week? Would give you back some free time.

[capap]

Thanks Jay and Vegetarian Marshmallow for your advice. I've talked with my mum and we're going to look into getting a monthly cleaner. I'll still need to help with things like the dishes, but if I'm having a super busy week I'll let her know and we can work a way around it.