Ruining my relationship, please help

Penpan · ‎01-06-2014

Hi, I'm 23 years old and am in a relatively new relationship of 14 months. I had a 6 year relationship from 15-21 which ended quite terribly. While I was single I learnt to be independant, I got a whole new outlook on life, became more confident and did the things I wanted to do, travel and enjoy being young.

When I initially met my current boyfriend things were great, I was happy confident and excited about a new relationship, however, the more serious we got the more my feelings of insecurity and fear from my old relationship came back. It has been going on for a whole now and I only recently told him what I was going through as we have been fighting alot, mainly because of me. I get jealous when he talks to girls (just being friendly), I get scared he's going to break my heart in some way and spend my days over thinking, worrying about if he still loves his ex, when in reality he has been nothing but amazing to me and shown me for the last year that I'm the only girl in his life. I work in a job that i absolutely hate with a passion, where it's just me in an office and all I do day in day out is over think to the point where It drives me crazy and I start crying. I have no desire to wake up in the morning as I know what my day will consist of, my over thinking and making up scenarios in my head to worry and feel insecure about. I come home so miserable and down and evidently I take it out on the people who love me most, my boyfriend and my family. I need help as I'm turning into this person I never want to be, I'm never happy, always doubting myself and scared of getting heartbroken again.

I have seen a phycologist, but I feel as though she didnt help, mainly because she was telling my things i already knew and that I need to "start thinking positive". I wish it was that easy. It's gotten to the point where I'm pushing everyone away, I need to be happy again and enjoy my life.

Would anyone recommend anti depressants? Do I need to end things with my boyfriend? Or do I need a new job to keep me busy and stop me from constant everyday worry.

Please help

george88 · ‎02-06-2014

I think its normal to get jealous every now and then, and I do think your dislike of your job is affecting your home life as it has done with me in the past. Maybe start looking at other jobs or study, and join up with a group exercise class - I find exercise really helps release endorphins which make you happy :). Its important to know that you won't feel like this forever, its a temporary bump, and a few little changes will make a world of difference. Goodluck with everything, I hope you feel better soon 🙂

geoff · ‎02-06-2014

dear Penpan, George is right, you need to branch out to another job, because sitting in an office by yourself does nothing but breed contempt, there is nothing there to stimulate yourself.

How about doing the exercise class with your boyfriend, sure he will look, don't we all, it happens naturally, just as you would too.

I would suggest also that you do start taking antidepressants so I would go to your GP.

Enjoy your youth but stimulus is lacking in your life, but please let us know how you are going and hopefully reply back to us. L Geoff. x

Penpan · ‎02-06-2014

Thanks Geoff (and george88) I'm glad you both agree on the job front thing, it makes me realise that once I get out of it I will hopefully feel a bit better.

I'm scared to go on antidepressants because I dont want to rely on them at my age, plus i've read so many people on here saying how they haven't helped, or that when they get off them they feel worse. not sure what to do?

Also one thing I feel so worried about at the moment is, after telling my boyfriend how I feel and that we should take some time so that I can feel better, he assured me that he loves me and he'll do anything to help me and wait for me as long as I want until im ready. However, all im doing is thinking, "is he only staying with me because he thinks he cant do better, or because he doesnt want to be single or alone"? or I think because his ex girlfriend has moved on and found a boyfriend, does he feel like he has to stay with me to prove to her he's moved on? I don't know why im thinking such stupid things 😞

thanks again for your help