Returning depression

[Door]

Hey everyone,

Over the last few years, ive sunken into a deep, seemingly never ending depression. As im sure most of u know, many years of "friends" constantly telling u that ur worthless, that u should shut up cos no one cares about u, and to go kill yourself (no im not considering it) really sets in some poor self beliefs, and i have been dealing with depression for at least 1 year before now, probably longer. After suffering from panic attacks, i started to see someone and to talk about my problems, which i did. I solved most of my conflicts at school, of course there were still people that seemed to have made it their life goal to put me down no matter the cost, but from some stroke of luck my parents lost work and we had to move. I have integrated into my new school well, and most breaks are spent with seemingly decent new friends. After talking with a psychologist for multiple months, it seemed everything was just about resolved, and i had methods to help me cope if i did feel down at any point in the future. I stopped seeing them about 6 months ago, and only moved schools at the start of this year. But the depression has come back as bad, if not worse, with anxiety far worse then before, that seriously affects my eating and sleeping habits. The thing is that i have no idea what could be causing this, while moving to a new school was stressful, everything worked out really well really quick. My home life is fine, my social life with friends is fine, my grades are great, and the anxiety and depression doesnt seem focused anymore, just a general cloud that hangs over me daily. I do not see anything in my life that i can confront and deal with to help fix this now, or prevent it from happening again in the future. I dont see it stopping, i am in a point in my life where i am happier than ever, yet i am more depressed and anxious and stressed. While everyone in my life right now is nice to me, i still am extremely fearful of social interactions, even talking to my new friends causes my hands to sweat, and i find my heart rate and body temperature skyrocketting constantly, but how can i stop myself from being nervous about talking to people? I will be talking to another psychologist soon, but for now would like some other perspectives. Sorry for the long post (this also, i say sorry heaps where it seems i shouldnt, unless this post is actually too long, in which case sorry)

Regards, Blanket

[Starwolf]

Hi Door, welcome to the forums.

Please don't worry about long posts. The more we get to know you the better we can offer adequate support and point you in the right direction.

Thank you for sharing your story with us. Depression and anxiety are debilitating so my heart goes out to you. Depression comes and goes in waves. Sometimes, a new wave may be triggered by some particular event. Sometimes it hits us out of the blue for no particular reason and takes us by surprise. When this happens, it fails to make sense to us but depression and anxiety are like that. They cannot be explained in terms or logic or reason. It is the part of the brain responsible for the fight and flight response taking over.

I'm glad you will be seeing a psychologist in the near future. I hope it will be someone you can connect and work with. With professional help, you have come through this before. You can do it again. Disheartening as it may be, this is a setback, something happening to you but not caused by you. Nothing to do with a personality flaw or weakness of character. Nothing you need to apologize for.

Meanwhile, there are coping strategies which can help ease you over rough patches. It might be worth researching Relaxed breathing, Relaxing body scan, Mindfulness. Those are best practiced when all is well and consistently. A bit like building up a seldom/never used muscle. It takes time and persistence. It will then be easier to slip into a more relaxed mode when most needed. I suggest you download the Smiling mind app.

Distraction also works. Anything interesting enough to focus attention a while will do. For some it is music, creative activities, for others exercise, a hobby, writing a journal etc...

Have you discussed your concerns with your parents or some of your friends ? Are they aware of your distress or have you been trying to struggle alone ?

Apart from the Depression and Anxiety threads, navigating the Young people section of the forums will show you are far from alone. You will find there connections to be made, tips and thoughts to be shared. There's even a Friends Cafe (Social Zone section) a virtual space to hang out and discuss any topic you wish.

Good to have you on board.

[Door]

Hey Starwolf

Thanks for replying, and thanks for the coping tips and reassurances. My parents are aware of my situation, and while i have friends i trust completely, i would never tell them about this side of me. When i am with friends, or my family, or alone, i act differently. My friends know im a bit awkward and shy, but i doubt they know the full extent of that. I dont want them to think of me the way i see my family look at me, who do know what is happening. The pity, i cant stand it. I know they just want to help, but every time i they speak to me its like theyre trying to make me happy, but it just feels forced, and fake. So while my family do know, and am supporting me through this, i still do feel alone most of the time.

But thanks for making me feel a little less alone.

[geoff]

hi Blanket, there is never enough that can be said to anyone suffering from any type of depression, because once you have been down that track yourself you know how much it affects the person.
It doesn't matter whether your home life, social life, grades are all as how you want them to be, depression can hit you without any warning, but perhaps you don't tell your friends exactly how you feel could be because of past experiences, so you may pretend that everything is OK, but you know there is a problem.
I would ask your new psychologist about PTSD as I feel this could be a hanging on from your past school, but when you start to feel lonely then there is a big issue that needs attention. Geoff.