Relationship affected by anxiety and depression

[Srl]

Hi, I'm 17 and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for just over a year. Before I met my boyfriend I lived in another town and had recently recovered from anxiety depression and self harm. Obviously I always get anxious over some things here and there and get upset as normal people do but the last few months my relation has been struggling. My boyfriend knows about my problems and I thought he accepted them. I have always felt anxious around his family and they are wealthy and have a perfect life so I feel like they constantly judge me, which prolly isn't true as they are very nice, but I can't stop stressing around them and not wanting to be around them for Long periods of time.. I'd rather spend my days at home watching movies or hanging out rather then going out and socialising everyday. Once or twice a week is hard but manageable. My boyfriend on the other hand does not like this as he wants to be social with friends and family 24/7.. I told him I'm anxious and he just thinks it Los something I can fix in one day by just getting over it. The last month my anxiety has gotten worse.. The whole relationship I always worry and overthink things but lately it's worse. I feel like I'm not good enough for him.. He says he wants me to show more affection and I try but all I can think is that I'm not good enough for him and that he can do better then me, and always think how he would be happier with someone who is more social then me. Lately I feel so ugly and get down all the time over little things.. My anxiety and depression makes me start fights or causes the fights.. And my relationship is going to come to an end if nothing changes. How can I fix my relationship

[lawti053]

Hi Sri!

My name is Tim, Ive struggled and still struggle with some things your talking about.

I sympathise with what you are saying, I have a lot of social anxiety problems and I have the urges to leave situations because I get too neurotic and project other person's feelings or thoughts as I think they are occuring. (Who knows what they really think, and often it doesnt matter). In my want to escape I'll excuse myself, go to the bathroom and kill time or avoid direct contact with people, all due to self-judgemental thoughts in my head. Analysing what the person said in an unhealthy way, or wondering what that facial quiver was, was that a sign of disgust? am I worthy enough to talk to him? what do i know? im useless! The pattern continues. 

BUT I think it is a choice, I find the power of breath is immense. Repeating a simple mantra, perhaps one as simple as, 'I accept myself wholeheartedly' (for all my faults all my blemishes or awkwardness). Breathe deeply and release! Breathing brings me to a state of connection with the current moment, helps me get out of my head, where those judgemental negative thoughts happen. And when i have the mindset of self-acceptance I can be myself easier, accept myself if i say something silly or cringe through an awkward silence, at least im approaching it openly, Im facing the fear.

In terms of being in a relationship, I think you have to do what makes you happy and healthy first and be true to yourself before anything else. Obviously there is comprimise in a relationship, but when both parties have healthy boundaries then when you do come together you can vibe and enjoy each others company more i find. At the end of the day, you can only be true to YOURSELF, stick to the things that you enjoy, comprimise for the person you love but always speak up and trust yourself if it is too uncomfortable or unfair. Be yourself and if he and his family cannot accept you for it then be strong enough to walk away. You deserve better.

 I hope that helped in someway 🙂

[Jacko777]

Hi Srl,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums, I am glad you are talking about this and I bet lots of people know how you feel.

I think it would help your relationship if you can ensure you are personally on a path of recovery. As you have suffered from anxiety and depression in the past it might be worth checking how your progress is going, check in with a professional to get a fresh look at your mental health and take any steps needed. If you are struggling within your self then your relationship is bound to suffer. Perhaps if you can find more peace and happiness you may also find that you don't mind partaking in events with your partner.

Are you still practicing the things that helped you with your recent recovery? Do you exercise? Have you tried meditation? Meditation has helped me a lot to train my brain to focus, on the positive and off the negative. Each day try to focus on the positive things in your life, be thankful for them and the challenges.

There are lots of resources on this site for you to look through, or you could ring the BB phone service, they are there to help. You know recovery takes action, find out what small steps you can take and bust a move!

Jack