Regretful and depressed please help??

[Ven]

So since I left school which was 4 years ago my life has changed so much, I was never popular in school, girls never hung out with me boys never spoke to me and I was quiet and awkward. When I left school I discovered the party lifestyle where alcohol gave me confidence I made a bunch of new friends and created this whole new life for myself, my uni grades were low and all I cared about was what outfit I was gonna wear to the next party. Fast forward to now, my life once again has changed not partying as much more focused on my career, saving money, my boyfriend and my family, even though it's a lot better than the party lifestyle i've never felt so depressed and anxious. I have a huge credit card debt from my past bad spending habits and struggle to pay it off, my family is struggling financially, I have lost a lot of friends and I feel so down all the time. I exercise every morning and it makes me feel better but everynight I cry myself to sleep, thinking of how I could of got better grades and been in a better financial situation, I've got my boyfriend but I still feel so alone, I feel like such a failure all the time. I have had some bad thoughts of ways I could just make it go away, but I know that's the wrong thing to do and I know that there are a few people out there that do love me and I couldn't do it to them. I don't know how to make myself feel better anymore I cry a lot more than I am happy, and struggle so hard to stay positive, please someone give me some advice on my situation, what can I do, how can I stop myself from feeling so regretful about the past and so depressed and upset all the time?

[blondguy]

Hi Ven

Welcome to you and good on you for having the strength to post too!

I understand where you are coming from as I felt the same way years ago. I do feel your pain Ven.

Firstly can I say I dont see you as a failure....I have a family member that is in her early 20's and would never post on here......because she doesnt possess the strength you do.....that makes you an achiever by posting

I still 'accidentally' have thoughts about what I could have done better in my past but there is really nothing I can do except waste precious mental energy by doing so.

I understand you have a great boyfriend and are exercising a lot as well and good on you again for being the pro-active person you are. Sometimes it can be a huge help to make a simple appointment with our GP (as I have done and still doing) to clear out the system and have a really good vent.....if you have a good GP of course.

Many GP's now have much better training nowadays in how to help where feeling depressed and upset is concerned.

Im just having a guess that you are in your early 20's and have so much to look forward to. I hope you can see your GP and have a good vent. You have everything to gain and nothing to lose. You will only rebuild that strong focus you already have with a more solid platform on which you can heal

The BB forums are a safe place to vent and there are many super kind people that can be here for you even if you just want to have a chat. It would be great if you stick around Ven 🙂

you are not alone here

my kindest thoughts

Paulx

[romantic_thi3f]

Hey Ven,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for reaching out.

what can I do, how can I stop myself from feeling so regretful about the past and so depressed and upset all the time?

This is a great question, and I think it's something a lot of people struggle with. What could have been/what should have been/where would I have gone/been/end up. It's a whirlwind because the idea of possibilities never truly ends. We all could have made different choices that might or might not have landed us here. Maybe if you'd not partied you might have gotten a higher score - yes - but high scores don't determine how happy we'll be.

I have a friend whose finished a double degree; he got perfect grades on all his tests and he works at McDonalds because he cannot find any work that he likes. I'm sharing this with you because it's easy to think what it might have been like and let this consume our lives.

I personally wasn't able to get into Uni after HSC which was the biggest letdown. I had health issues which changed what I thought was my biggest dream and goal. So that's also something that I've had to come to terms with - because yes if things were different I could've gone to uni, but that doesn't necessarily mean things would be the way they are now.

It sounds like this is a really big deal for you and it's something you've been thinking about it a lot so I really encourage you to talk to your GP about what's going on for you. There are lots of different tools and things to help you feel a little bit more in control of your life;- which might be working on your inner talk, budgeting or getting to know some new people and developing a friendship circle again. It makes me sad that you're having thoughts about ways to make it go away too; so I want to really encourage you to get some help and talk about this more.

[Janey123]

Hi Ven,

Sorry to read about your woes. I agree with Paul, seeing a GP sounds like an excellent idea. Be open, tell them all of it, they will help you out.

Your story sounds very familiar to me, I often beat myself up a bit for not doing better, or being more. You did the best you could at the time, as did I. In my early 20s my partner and I had racked up $50k personal debt on rubbish! We made the decision to work on our habits, and paid it down (slowly) over several years and we are in a great spot financially now. Can you transfer the debt to an interest free card, so that you can make quicker progress?

Don't be too hard on yourself, I don't know anyone in their early 20s that has it all together and a perfect life, they are all still striving for better! Also, I know tonnes of people who got bad grades in uni, and have great careers. It doesn't mean you were stupid or foolish, you were young and had other priorities! I hope you go see a doctor about your thoughts, a psychologist can really help you get those 'bad' thoughts back on track. It is great that you posted on here, it is a great place to vent, and talk to others about how you are feeling.

Janey

[Ven]

Hi Romantic_thi3f,

Thank you for your kind words

it's really nice to hear that other people struggle with these sorts of thoughts and i'm not a lone out there, I get so embarrassed to talk about these sorts of things like bad grades and debt like to me they are such like taboo subjects that people tend to avoid and I haven't really felt comfortable telling anyone about them.

In regards to seeing my GP I just don't think it's exactly the right place to go to talk to about mental issues, I just don't necessarily feel too comfortable their, do you have any other suggestions of places that are low cost that I could get into contact with?

Venezuela

[Ven]

Hi Paul,

Thanks so much for your reply, really means a lot

I'm glad I took the first step in posting here and so far it has been really positive for me to talk to like minded people,

I want to see someone about this but ofc I am scared to do so, I know I cry really easily aswell and like don't want to be an emotional mess when having a vent any tips on how to control that?

Ven

[Ven]

Hi Janey 123,

Thanks so much for your reply, Wow i'm glad i'm not the only one who has racked up debt

I am constantly thinking about my financial future these days as I move on in my 20's, I do really strive to be financially stable, what kind of tips do you have for getting there?

Ven

[Janey123]

Hi Ven,

To pay down that personal debt I set up a spreadsheet on my computer with my different debts in each column (Car Loan, Interest Free Washing Machine, Credit Card 1, Credit Card 2 etc). The top row was what the debt started at (so for you, it'd just be now), then each week/fortnight was a new row with the amount I had paid off (-$50). Each week, I would choose which debt column needed to be paid, pay it online, (some were automatic repayments) and enter the amount into the column. I also had a total debt column, so I could watch the progress, it was awesome each time we hit a milestone, or paid one thing off, removing a column for good!

There is a good book I'd recommend called Money Makeover- It teaches you which debts are worst and need to be paid off first and how to avoid bank tricks and traps. The same people have a website

Making progress on things that really bother you is a great way to start to grow in confidence and get happier. Good luck with it 🙂

Janey

[romantic_thi3f]

Hey Ven,

Thanks for getting back to us.

You're definitely not alone here 🙂

Ah, yes I understand. The reason we say to talk to the GP is because they can do a referral for a Mental Health Care Plan. This means that you'll get visits for free with a Psychologist under the Medicare scheme. Without going to the GP, seeing a Psychologist directly can be quite expensive.

As for the appointment with the GP, you wouldn't need to tell them too much detail; just that you were having a tough time and wanted to speak to a psychologist. You can tell them as much as you feel comfortable with.

The only thing that may be uncomfortable is a small survey. This is often used with depression and they ask you to scribble your answers. An example of one might be "how often did you feel everything was an effort?" none of the time, little of the time, some of the time, all of the time. Don't have to talk about it more or explain why. Again, everyone is a little different with their approach but if I can give you the heads up about what to expect then it might help you feel more prepared.

Does this help you feel more comfortable in talking to your GP about what's going on? There are certainly other options but it would depend on where you live and your age.

[blondguy]

Hi Ven, thankyou so much for posting back and especially with the super compliment too 🙂

Janey & Romantic are rock solid with their counsel/advice....I am glad they are here 🙂

Here for you Ven

my kindest thoughts

Paul