Recently got diagnosed with ADHD in year 12 and I keep spiralling

[Lovster]

Sorry if this keeps getting posted, my phone keeps freezing

I recently got diagnosed with "severe combined ADHD" (as the psychiatrist put it) and generalised anxiety disorder
 
After struggling for all of high school, my mum took me back to get tested (I went in year 7 but was told if there was actually something wrong I would’ve been tested earlier, and I was likely faking it as it was a “fad after lockdown”) and I got diagnosed with ADHD and GAD
 
The psychiatrist I see for the medication kept giving me different types with the same effect. Essentially all would work at first and pretty well, I felt like for the first time I could do my schoolwork with ease, but then I would get crippling side effects when it wore off, and they would wear off faster. For my earliest ones, I would spend class with such debilitating headaches and brain fog that I couldn't function properly. I spent my exam block trying too hard to concentrate but then the medication would start wearing off and it made work near impossible. It also made it near impossible for me to do my job too. But at least cause they were short acting I could just quit them and stop taking them cold turkey
 
I'm now on a different medication, and this has been by far the lowest l've felt so far. The previous dose gave me severe side effects in the morning where I was an actual zombie, but in the afternoon I could function perfectly. Then weeks later the severe crashes began to happen, and they were horrific.
 
 
The crashes are tearing me apart. I can't control my emotions at all. It's like I'm a host in my own body every single night when I wear off. I have huge breakdowns, just sobbing and begging for this all to end, or I have fits of extreme anger where I scream all night and toss everything, and I've put holes in my wall. My mum is scared. Every little thing sets me off once I hit the crash. Off the medication, I get severely depressed, I can't do anything, and knowing that something could help me function but it isn't working makes me even more depressed
 
 
The psychiatrist gave me medication to help when the crash happens, and otherwise told me to take it as needed, but it doesn't help. I crash before I realise to take it, and taking it during the crash doesn't help. I don't know if this is just from the stress of exams/life or the medication, but the exams are only going to get worse and I can't function like this
 
I’m so behind on my schoolwork from being off or being too sick to pay attention, so trials and the hsc will be so much more stressful
 
Last Friday he told me there's essentially there's nothing more he can do, either grin and bare it, go cold turkey, or go to hospital for a while
 
Now I feel utterly helpless

[Croix]

Dear Lovster~

Welcome to the Support Forum. I'm sorry you are faced with these conditions and a psychiatrist who does not seem to be able to give you assistance. It my seem pretty horrible now however I have found things improved a lot, and you deserve a better life too.

I have bouts of depression and anxiety, plus PTSD. Now this is not the same as you however I've found myself in similar circumstances where medication has made things worse, work has fallen too far behind and I would be very upset, angry and just wish for it all to end.

I"m now in a much better position and cope with life well, and this has been due partly to a psych using the right hterapy (talk therapy in my case), finally finding a medication that does mostly what it is supposed to do wihtout side effects, and partly due to family support.

If your psych says they can't help it might be time to consider having another one used to ADHD in younger people as well as the generalized anxiety. Changing psychs can be difficult if there are waiting periods, I'd suggest discussing it wiht you GP -and possibly your psych too (thought this may seem on the surface to be a difficult conversation).

I"d also seriously consider hospital, though that depends upon several things, the main one being how the patients are treated, if they have a say in what treatments they have, and the amount of liberty. You may not get one particular psych however that can be an advantage as different ideas are floated.

Hospitalization may be enough for you to defer your studies wiht penalty to a better time.

This may all sound as if I"m pushing you towards going into hospital, not the case. It is different for each person. I have hated being on the ward, but have come out a lot calmer and better. Maybe I'm just lucky.

If you would like to come back and talk some more that would be great

Croix