Dear Dontknowwhattodo~
Welcom, thank you for talking about your problem.
I guess you have the wrong name, it is not what you can do, it is what your boyfriend can do.
Trying to change the attitude of a whole family is not a task anyone should have forced on them. If they think you are a poor sort of person, and you try to change things and it doesn't work then for many human nature steps and you blame yourself.
Thinking just like you, going over things you think you might have done wrong, putt up with being treated as second classing.
In any relationship both partners have to prize the welfare of the other. Not out of any sense of duty, just because they want to - it's part of love.
I came from a family that had very rigid views. When I met someone they thought was 'unsuitable' and I said we were getting married I was disinherited. The whole 9 yards, lawyers, will etc.etc. I lived happily with that 'unsuitable' person for 25 years until she passed away.
It was the best thing that ever happened to me. I grew up, took on responsibility and leaned to value love.
Your boyfriend is in the same position, he values you - and lets his family do what it wants without him, or he tries to be all things to all people and pacify family as well as look after you - does not work. It's that simple.
Can I suggest you have a serious discussion along those lines with your boyfriend and see what happens?
Please keep posting and say how you are going
Croix
